Titanic II

The black guy at the Coast Guard headquarters, toothless. Anyone notice? From the imitation special effects to the silicone breasts, I've seen better hommade vacation videos. I can't imagine paying to buy this DVD, this is the most awful movie I have ever seen. The acting was high school thespian at best, they all appeared to be students of some second rate acting school. I would not recommend this video to anyone. Out of respect to the original Titanic and the poor souls who went down with her, it is a shame that such a poorly done movie about a new Titanic was done so cheaply and with such low budget actors. This is a waste of film and money.

This has to be one of the best worst films of all time. I have seen better special effects in Boris Karloff films and that is when Boris Karloff was a young man. Some of the iceberg scenes must have been shot by somebody in a bathtub/Jacuzzi having a few jars, spilled his/her ice cubes and then took a few snaps with a mobile phone. I am delighted I saw this film, I am getting great 'mileage' out of reading the reviews to my wife, I have to stop every now and again of course because the pain in our sides from uncontrolled laughing is nearly as bad as having appendicitis. I always thought Bob Hope, Danny Kaye, and Gerry Lewis starred in some of the funniest movies ever made, I was right up until now. I hope your readers find this review helpful.

It's laugh-out-loud BAD. The script, acting, plot are all woeful and my 12yr old could have done a more convincing job with the CGI. Most of it is filmed on the real Queen Mary which is now a hotel in Long Beach, Ca or in a concrete bunker, sorry, "engine room". They hired about 20 extras from the local homeless shelter by the look of them who wander around aimlessly or fall over their own feet during "action" sequences. There is some preachy stuff about global warming backed up by bogus "science" and a 800mph tsunami (that's faster than the speed of sound folks!). I hope this movie was released as a joke but fear it wasn't. But seriously, if you haven't seen it yet then please do so because it's hilarious and you'll have lots of fun spotting the glaring errors, continuity bloopers, wooden acting and super-low budget production. It's so bad it's good.

Not only a waste of a hour and a half of my evening but quite possibly of my entire life! It was so painful I do not believe I could begin to adequately describe the trauma I now feel - I genuinely write this as a warning to my fellow human beings who value their sanity. Never in my life have I seen work (of any form) of such poor quality. Having only just finished viewing this film I feel the need for a shower and referral to a good psychiatrist. I've been more entertained watching paint dry - and a tin of paint could produce/direct a better cinematic experience. Simple put, if 0 out of 10 was I option I'd have awarded that instead - I want my 1.5 hours back!! THE HORROR, THE HORROR!!

Well, not a lot of it (clearly), but enough to rent out the Queen Mary, hire a bunch of random extras from a Greyhound bus station, and pay some kit with a Commodore C64 to slap together a few CGI "effects". Better movies have been made for much less money, and that is both sad and infuriating.

Before even getting to the plot, such as I was able to piece together, some attention needs to be paid to the production values, if you can call them that.

No attention was paid at all to continuity, some exterior scenes and establishing shots use the 1936-vintage Queen Mary, moored in Long Beach, CA; while other outside scenes utilize some of the most god-awful CGI animation I've ever seen, which appears to depict the 1912-vintage Titanic. The ship shifts from a '30s three funnel liner to a pre-WWI four funnel liner and back again multiple times, the colors of the funnels even changes between red and yellow and the name sometimes disappears from the bow.

The permanent rock breakwater surrounding the Queen Mary can bee seen in some parts where the ship is supposed to be out at sea, along with glimpses of the Long Beach skyline in a few parts. No attempt at all was made to disguise the fact that the location ship never left port.

Interiors were filmed in either rented motel rooms, office elevator lobbies, or the main concourse in a suburban shopping mall. The engine room scenes are clearly a concrete basement with air conditioning equipment.

Extras in "action" scenes either stumble around aimlessly with no expression or intentionally trip over their own feet. All sound effects, including screaming, were added post production with no cause visible.

Now, back to the plot. Its bad. Like flimsy soft core porno bad. Some millionaire has financed the construction of an exact replica of the Titanic, which has set out on its maiden voyage from New York in 2012, on the 100th anniversary of the original. In a shocking coincidence, global warming simultaneously causes a massive ice sheet to break off from Greenland and drift toward the ship. Oh, and a tsunami. A massive, massive tsunami was caused somehow and is actually propelling the iceberg toward the ship at greater than the speed of sound. Yes, that fast. Also, only the ship is endangered and not all of Europe and North America, as might be expected from a tsunami of such biblical proportions. Part way through the movie, the actors appear to lose interest in the iceberg threat, and it is forgotten and replaced solely with the tsunami, which doesn't capsize the ship, but merely damages the hull in the same place as the original Titanic. Also, it destroys half the lifeboats- that is one smart killer wave.

I was really hoping this would be one of those campy movies that are so bad their almost good and can be appreciated ironically as unintentional comedy, but "Titanic 2" is just too bad even for that. This movie has no redeeming features whatsoever and is merely a colossal waste of time and resources. All copies of this film should be collected and shot into the sun, lest future generations find them and judge our civilization based on this affront to all taste and decency.

I'm just glad I watched this as a free bootleg on the Internet, if I had actually paid to buy or rent this, I would probably be setting something on fire right now.