- Conan O'Brien: [during the monologue] My future is pretty uncertain right now, and this is absolutely true, I'm not making this up: I received a letter from the adult film company Pink Visual offering me, this is true, offering me a role in one of their porno movies.
- [audience cheers]
- Conan O'Brien: That's true. That's absolutely true, yeah. It's great, yeah. I looked, yeah. In the movie, I'm having sex with a beautiful woman, and just as we're about to climax, I get replaced by Jay Leno.
- Conan O'Brien: [during the monologue] Time sure does fly, though. It's crazy to think about this: Do you realize that a baby born on the day we did our first Tonight Show is now a slightly larger baby?