#float

I've watched four horror films in the last week or so. Skinnamarink, The Outwaters, The Black Phone (again), and this. It is not fair to Compare all of those to each other for many reasons, one being budget. While not the lowest budget here, #floaters sure feels like it is. Amateurish screenplay, directed adequately but not able to coax out a single good performance. While I would certainly watch this again before Skinnamarink, I hope to watch neither. Now that We've killed enough characters, here's the review: cheap, bad, forgettable. Sadly six hundred characters are necessary to say that. Wow.

OK. So every single person in this illogical mess of a movie is totally despicable. The foremost reason that I stopped watching this halfway is because: 1. Not enough of them were killed soon enough.

2. I feared one of them might survive and I can't live with that.

Other than that we have the minor issues of bad pacing, lacklustre cinematography, subpar acting and the overall lack of suspense.

I'm not a big fan of putting films down. But as a fan of horror movies since the early 80's (and yes I've seen all the crappy ones, believe me) sometimes Ieven I need to vent.

I don't know the backstory to, or the reasons why this film was made in the first place, but... well... Wrong decision.

Directed by the Head of Business Affairs for quickly tanking studio Blumhouse, Float is just more proof that Hollywood producers are almost universally creatively bankrupt.

Float is a semi-found footage horror film about a group of millennials going on a tubing trip in memory of their friend who died on the river last year (why was he tubing by himself?). Utilizing about every cliché in the genre, someone or something begins to kill them off. (Don't worry, it will never explain what)

The acting is atrocious. The script seems like it was written on a napkin. The attempts to be relevant come as subtle as a hammer to the head. "People thought covid was fake too until it killed them!" "Rosé all day!" as well as a monologue to the dead guys urn they brought along how she "knows he was a good guy and wouldn't be hurting them" all will leave the viewer shocked the director isn't fresh out of high school.

Further proof was the music. There were several points they used the actual stock stinger effects that every YouTube video editor gets for free! I had to look up the composer, he did 2 things back in 2015 and nothing since. Considering a lot of the music is a guitar strumming or some synth pads I can't imagine why.

After a very tiny theatrical run, Float was dumped quietly on Tubi.

I find little to recommend here. There's about 3 kills with some standard gore. No nudity but the cast is in bikinis and swim trunks almost the whole time if that's your thing. Everything else is done so pedestrian that it's unforgivable for someone supposedly with experience.

Oh, and guess what? We get a music video during the end credits! How #kewl.

Being a horror movie following the tropes of this genre there's an understandable formula of hating some characters and liking some others.

But this movie breaks this formula by making you hate everyone, literally, no one has and redeeming features.

The enjoyment is gained from everyone getting some sort of comeuppance.

No one seems to really care for anyone else.

.. Kid goes missing, no one really cares, except for the god awful 'parents' ... friend disappeared under water accompanied with a pool of blood, oh well, let's keep floating and chatting and drinking.

The pacing is weird, audio awful almost like it's all done in ADR, acting is passable but made worse with the awful dialogue.

Whilst the production quality is reasonable, don't let this deceive you in to thinking it's an average film, it's just not.

One this is for sure, everyone of them are certainly 'floaters' 🌊 💩

At about 30 to 40 min the movie gets stupid It's hard to explain how it's just disappointing actors don't seem to care about their friends. There is no sense of urgency there is no emergency. The one is always on Instagram even though her friend was taken right behind her. The movie is just stupid plottedid. The trailer was a lot better than the actual movie can't believe. I paid 3 bucks for the stupid thing. I mean there's no urgency nothing the characters don't seem to care about nothing and no one. The cast could have done a little bit better by improvising practicing. The role would have showed a little bit more determination in the movie to make a movie feel as I thought it would be in trailer. Anyways. This is a corny movie don't get it.