Indiana Jones e a Relíquia do Destino

In The Monkey's Paw (spoilers for a 100 years old horror classic, I guess), the protagonists, after the death of a loved one, use a cursed artifact to bring him back, only to find a shambling undead monstrosity knocking at their door.

Being a movie nerd in these days is a similar experience: the franchises you loved as a kid keep coming back, and for a while, maybe after a decent trailer, you are happy and optimistic... but then you see them and regret their return.

In fact, Hollywood just can't let a beloved series end at the right moment. Alien should have ended with Aliens, and it got a diarrhea of terrible sequels, prequels and spin-offs; Terminator with T2, and I've lost count of the reboots; Star Wars with Return of the Jedi, and it got the awful sequels (I'm giving the prequels a pass because they at least tried to tell an interesting story)...

... and, of course, Indiana Jones should have ended with The Last Crusade. It would have been an amazing trilogy (I have my issues with Temple of Doom but oh boys, is it looking better in retrospect), and now it has not one but two pointless sequels.

So, is this one better or worse than Skull? I'd say more or less on par: not terrible and unwatchable but clunky and mediocre.

Ford was my favorite actor as a kid ("Imagine being both Indy and Han Solo!"), and he gives it all here, but the sad truth is, he was already too old in Skull, and that was 15 years ago.

Mangold is a solid director but Indy movies live and die on the strength of their set-pieces, and he isn't prime Steven Spielberg. Then again, who is? Not even Spielberg himself nowadays, since the set-pieces in Skull already sucked.

Mangold keeps the camera too close so we do not get the geography of the action; his set-pieces are all momentum and no triumphant release. See the scene with the underwater relic and the eels, a cool premise which peters out into nothing. Also, the protagonists (especially Indy) rarely if ever do anything COOL to resolve the action - a crack of the whip, a last-second dive: they are just there, ping-ponging between different obstacles.

Story construction is bloated, with pointless characters (the governative agents, the Moroccan mobster), setups without payoffs ("continental drift") and endless tedious exposition: a scene with Waller-Bridge (moderately less annoying than I was expecting, but it was a low bar) smugly decrypting a tablet with a clue feels like the longest ten hours I've ever spent in a movie theater.

Here's a hint, scriptwriters: characters dealing with treasure hunt clues is only interesting if we, the audience, can also SEE the clue and GUESS the possible answer. Otherwise, it's like watching someone on the bus mumble as he does his Sudoku, and you can't even peek over his shoulder.

Dial of Destiny takes a weird turn in the last act and I sort of wish they had embraced the sheer cheesiness of it. I enjoyed a couple of scenes (the prologue is decent enough), but, if you absolutely need a good Indy sequel, play the old adventure game The Fate of Atlantis.

5/10.

There is no way you can fix the industry and begin producing good movies again if you can still make tens of millions of profit with this bad casting, this bad script, this bad editing and this bad production.

I've always thought that nobody worse than Shia LeBeouf could be cast in this franchise but Phoebe Waller Bridge... Wow!

Sometimes, as a producer, you should finish the product, then watch it and decide not to release it out of self respect.

Even The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull couldn't ruin the legacy for me but Phoebe Waller Bridge managed to do it in 5 minutes.

A young Harrison Ford CGI dubbed by the actual one was just tragic.

I want to live in a world where Indiana Jones is a trilogy and stopped with The Last Crusade.

Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny has all the issues that have plagued other summer blockbusters this year. It is overly reliant on CGI and expects nostalgia to see it through.

James Mangold is a competent director but he's no Spielberg. It's almost like he's read a guide to making an Indiana Jones movie and missed the mark. There is no heart to the movie which is the Spielberg spark it's missing.

The CGI is horrific with the worst saved for Harrison Ford's face. The movie is like 90% CGI and may as well have been like animation at times. Past characters are written out in abhorrent fashion and threw away without a care.

The last 30 minutes. Well...they nuked the fridge. (Bring back the aliens)

I'm at a loss. I thought Indiana Jones was about an adventuring archeologist hunting ancient religious artifacts to be preserved in museums. And the first 20 minutes confirm that sentiment.

And to be fair, John Williams' fantastic score reminds me that I did walk into the right showing. But instead of a rousing epic, I witnessed a strange concoction of overblown ideas, baffling casting choices, plot conveniences, bad dialogue, and some of the worst written characters I can remember. Especially Helena, who's played by a talented PWB but is written to be an insufferable, pedantic braggart.

There's a strange veneer that makes everything resemble something familiar. But it all feels off. Even the deepfakery produced some chuckles in the theatre.

There's some fun scenes and cameos and I enjoyed the villain. But calling this an Indiana Jones movie? Maybe Illinois Jones.

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" is on my top 10 list of all-time favorite movie. I did not feel that "Dial of Destiny" gave a proper send off to the francise. It seemed like the first half of the movie is nothing but over the top chase scenes about trying to get possession of the Dial. That first half does not invest time to plant motivation so the viewer will even care about the Dial and who gets possession of it. Also, the Helena character is pretty unlikeable. Her passion is in the wrong place. Indiana is at odds with Helena for most of the movie. They do not make a good team. And then Indiana is a deflated version of Indiana that is kind of depressing. And to top it all off, there is no sense of fun and comedy in the movie. I hope writers have not forgotten how to write a good adventure story. "Dial of Destiny" misses the mark on many levels. And it kind of bothered me how much unnecessary killing there was in the movie. That is not family friendly. I wanted to really like "Dial of Destiny", but as the movie was progressing, I had to admit the movie was just not working.