Stem Cell

If you didn't know the title of the movie coming in, you wouldn't know which DeCoteau movie you were watching. Once again we have the exact same silly tropes: pretty young people go to a secluded wooded location (yes, he shot this at the same exact place as his last six movies) and bad things happen, interspersed with random shirtlessness, the "scary" dream sequences punctuated by a heartbeat in the background, and the obligatory three-minute shower scene, where a hot young guy rubs his abs and chest over and over. (They still haven't figured out: it works better if you use soap.)

I was about a third of the way through this movie, more bored than usual, when I realized with horror what the best part of David DeCoteau's films was: the copious amount of male shirtlessness. It's like Skinemax for the gays. Stem Cell takes a decidedly hetero bent, and basically jettisons the only redeeming quality of a DeCoteau movie: rampant homoeroticism. At least Beastly Boyz was bad enough to be mockable; this movie is just boring.

You know how David Decouteau loves his 10 minute shower scenes where the hot, ripped guy is showering with only water (soap would help).

Unfortunately, this movie lacked the more erotic scenes we've come to expect from David. An early scene depicted two hot football players tent camping in a village or campground. These two guys were hot but the shower scene only lasted a minute and we never figured out what happened to his friend who waited by the tent. The reason I bring this up is because the primary reason people tolerate David's garbage movies is because of the hot shirtless guys in their underwear. Unfortunately he had very few on display here except during the girl's unusual flashes as she jogged around the house.