- God: My book? Who said it was my book? What do you think I faxed it down here? It was written by man. It was interpreted by man. It was abused by man.
- Paul: [after Eddie tells him he had sex] You bottomed for bottom? I don't even know what to say to that.
- Wife: Cain, get that book mama's been working on.
- David: You mean the "Breeder's Informational Book of Living Examples?
- Wife: Yes, honey. But we call it the B.I.B.L.E. for short.
- David: What are you writing it for?
- Wife: We have to teach our descendants to hate the gays.
- David: Do you think this book will be enough to warn them in the future? What if they don't believe it?
- Wife: They'll believe anything they read. Five thousand years from now, they won't even know who wrote the damn thing!