- Girl with Red Earrings: Why is it all the really great guys are always gay?
- Larry Barnabee: Let's buy him a hooker.
- Lauren Barnabee: Larry!
- Larry Barnabee: Think about it. Sex with a beautiful woman? It's bound to change his mind.
- Darren Barnabee: I love you, man.
- Ryan Ward: No, I love you.
- Darren Barnabee: It's too fuckin' easy - pretending to be gay to get laid.
- Ryan Ward: You're just lucky you know me.
- Darren Barnabee: Yeah, I'd get down on my knees right now and kiss your feet.
- Darren Barnabee: Look, um, I need you to pretend to give me your phone number. Okay, my parents are starting to think that I'm gay and I'm... I'm just not ready to deal with that right now.
- [Darren asks Ashley for help in deceiving his parents in public]
- Ashley Banks: What do I get out of it?
- Darren Barnabee: What?
- Ashley Banks: I'm a selfish bitch. What's in it for me?
- [Darren sighs]
- Ryan Ward: Ah, shit.
- Darren Barnabee: What?
- Ryan Ward: You met a girl, huh?
- Darren Barnabee: Yeah, we meet lots of 'em all the time.
- Ryan Ward: Yeah, but we don't sigh about 'em. You know, the three F's still apply in gay game.
- Darren Barnabee: Three F's?
- Ryan Ward: Find 'em. Fuck 'em. Forget 'em.
- Lauren Barnabee: How much are we talking about here?
- Ashley Banks: It depends on how gay your son is.
- Larry Barnabee: Well, what if he's really gay?