Sangue Frio

A man's brother apparently dies in combat in the Middle East. And yet, this same brother is somehow connected to Cain, a vampire clan leader. And there is a legend of a slayer... and some muscle cars...

A film so simple as this should not be so hard to describe, but it is. Someone wanted to write "Blade", but it was already written. They also wanted to write "Fast and the Furious", but that idea was taken. So, what did they do? They meshed them together in one film, threw in some other nonsense, and made a film. It took almost two years to get released, and I am not surprised.

First of all, I cannot stress how much the main character (Michael Matthias) wants to be Vin Diesel. He looks like the Wal-Mart brand of Vin Diesel, Wal-Diesel or something. And how DMX is thrown in as a guy who knows way too much about vampires and somehow knows a slayer when he sees one... not sure why.

Vinnie Jones plays Cain, and it is nice to see him with (presumably fake) hair. But this is not a great role for him and makes his acting look terrible. Michael Madsen is Father Roy, and while I always enjoy seeing Madsen, he does too many genre films with people who cannot bring out his best. Aside from Tarantino's films, what is the last great thing he did? Katherine von Drachenberg (aka Kat Von D) also appears.

The plot holes, time line, and more just do not add up on this to a decent movie. The acting is weak, the directing is decent, though it is clear the emphasis was on the action and not the acting. The director's background is as a stunt man, and I can easily say the stunts here are just fine... the film is, however, a mess... and I do not know who to blame first.

I will start this by saying I like Vinnie Jones. I also like Armand Assante. But I cannot for the life of me find one shred of anything to like in this movie. If I can call it that. It tries really hard to be Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino a la Planet Terror/Death Race, but fails. Like "F in Art" fails. The only movie (series) I kept thinking of the entire time through was the series Mental Maniacs. For anyone who has suffered through that waste of film, you will know what I'm talking about. And I have to say, I have yet refer to any movie in that capacity. That is how bad this film is. Please save yourself the brain cells, life-minutes and skip this movie. Oh, and for the person who referred to the lead as a Wal-Mart Vin Diesel, you are so dead on.

Now, I never write reviews or complaint letters to anyone. I'm an observer. However, I can't possibly let this one go without comment.

The short synopsis and cast list I read before watching ticked all the boxes for an enjoyable movie for me, so I sat down eagerly to watch it. How wrong could I have been? It is by far the very worst thing I have ever witnessed on screen as far as I can recall. It has not one single redeeming feature. Not even Vinnie Jones, or Michael Madson. They are hardly Hollywood's greatest actors, I know, but they do have some credibility and have been in some great movies - Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Snatch, Lock Stock..

The concept is fairly sound, if not a little cheesy. The execution, however, is profoundly dismal. The 'story', as it is, is so badly written and portrayed that I actually laughed out loud at the inept stumbling from one scene to another. The acting is some of the very worst to reach the screen and would shame even my five year old god-daughter at her nativity, especially the Vin Diesel wannabe lead character. The direction seems almost absent, as though the film makers just left the actors to it! The script, if there actually was one, is so very, very poorly written and delivered that it may actually make more sense to watch with the sound on mute.

I could go on, and feel the urge to do so. but I'll wrap it up. I spent good, hard-earned money on this movie and feel so very let down. I doubt most film makers could come up with anything as bad as this if they actually tried to make the worst movie ever. There must be some very embarrassed people who agreed to work on this film without knowing how it would finally turn out. Seriously, don't waste your time or money.

This movie is hysterically bad. Michael Matthias who stars as vampire hunter Shawn Black is downright lifeless. His acting ability throughout the movie is borderline comatose. With his monotone voice and inability to deliver a performance that barely rises above a common high school play. One would think that with all his brawn, he could bring his physicality to good use. Nope! To make matters worse, the head vampire played by Vinnie Jones, has to be one of the dorkiest vampires ever filmed. He makes weird faces toward the camera and is about as scary as a wet noodle. My goodness, even the action scenes are boring! Combine that with terrible special effects, rapper DMX screaming, and a shoddy script. It certainly has plenty of shortcomings. I usually can find something redeemable in most films, but this is pure trash.

This film was a new and interesting experience for me. I've never before in 33 years of living had the overwhelming urge to rip my eyes out of their sockets while microwaving my head until now, thanks for that. I've tried and tried to think of one positive aspect about this film and the only thing that I keep coming back to is... it ended. The acting was god awful, the plot was gibberish and the effects look like a two year old had been put in charge. Some of the actors in this have been in many good films but I have no idea what they were thinking getting involved with this one. Madsen, Jones and Assante have all had some great roles but every time Vinnie made an appearance in this one I just wanted to laugh. About as scary and intimidating as a bit of tissue stuck to your shoe. Avoid this film as if it was made from anthrax clothed in a 3-piece suit of the plague, on fire, carrying a machine gun that shot bullets made from herpes.