Dangerous Worry Dolls

First off, let me tell you that I can not compare this to earlier works of Mr. Brand, because I do not have them clearly in mind right now (and I haven't seen all his movies either). What I can say though, is that this movie is pretty decent. Especially if you consider the title and it's theme/story.

It's not breakout great or anything but it is entertaining enough for a small budget movie. The actors are decent considering the material and the movie does not deteriorate into complete camp and absurdity (which you might find to be a bad thing, I guess). Low budget horror and nice effects (though most is off camera) works in favor of this movie.

After a troubled youth, a woman enters a woman's prison and is soon to be paroled and reunited with her daughter. But a gift from her daughter, some worry dolls, have decided to solve her problems for her with extreme violence. Early parole? Probably not.

As far as films from Charles Band go, this one is actually good. Like, really, truly good. Except for one thing... the dangerous worry dolls. That's right, we have a really tight script thanks to Full Moon regular August White, solid directing and respectable acting... with a dark and interesting plot about prison and the evils therein. The dolls weren't even necessary. The cheesy graphics take away from it.

There's a subplot involving rape and a camera... which is quite a sinister idea. I have to give the writer credit, as this was a plausible idea and one I do not think I've encountered before. It was just, well, evil. Something you don't often encounter in horror anymore, and certainly not from Full Moon, who have devoted their time to more humor than anything. So, while this one falls short, it doesn't fall as hard as some have.

As another reviewer has suggested, it's not worth wasting too much time telling you "this movie sucks". What do you need to know? Cheap, unconvincing sets. Perfunctory acting. Barely coherent plot full of red herrings and non sequiturs. Doesn't last a minute longer than the minimum they can get away with.

This is what? A women's prison? And they have not cells, but dormitories? Through which the male warders stroll while the girls lounge on their beds in their underwear? Even the notoriously cheap Australian soap, Prisoner Cell Block H, had a go at cells, even if the cardboard walls did wobble when people bumped into them.

But what's the point complaining? It's a Charles Band film. That tells you everything you need to know.

Almost everything, but there are still a couple of points worth making. It may be bad, like all Band Full Moon productions, but it's still nowhere near as mind-sappingly awful as something from The Asylum Team. I'm not sure why, but I think it may be because there still survives a sense that someone is trying to entertain you by telling a story, whereas in Asylum mockbusters the cynical and exploitative contempt for the audience has long overshadowed any vestigial vision or artistic purpose.

And there's at least one good scene in it. Well, not good, necessarily, but promising. Eva (Jessica Morris, who, fair dos, actually has a creditable go at making something of her part) is being disciplined by the sadistic (natch) warden/matron (Deb Snyder). So as not to leave any incriminating evidence, the warden produces an old electric shock machine, a wonderfully hokey piece of equipment seemingly stolen from the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein, full of unnecessary coils and valves. As the warden administers increasingly violent shocks, Eva first laughs ("ooh! - that tickles") then shouts out her defiance and contempt ("you're going to have to do better than that!"). There's a genuine, exhilarating demonic power to all this. If only the scene was properly resolved, instead of cutting away and then returning later to a tableau of the aftermath.

And that's what's so frustrating about cheap films like this. With just a little bit of effort, a little bit of care and attention to detail, that spark of creativity could have been fanned into something worthwhile. Not great, necessarily, but challenging, provocative, or even bitterly funny. At the end of the day, it's not the cheap sets or Ed Wood special effects or amateur acting that does for films like this. They actually don't matter; you only notice them because for so much of the time there's nothing else to notice. No, what does for these films is the laziness, the negligence, the numbing lack of ambition. It's the script and plot that lets them down, and they cost next to nothing. Just spend a bit of time thinking through those plot strands, and find a resolution that ties them together. Dialogue rusty? Get a second pair of ears to work through it. Concentrate on a couple of key sequences (in this film, that'll be the electric shock machine, and the waste disposal unit) and take a bit of time and care getting them right.

But that's the film that might have been. This one, I'm afraid, is not worth wasting your time or money on. Well, probably not. I got my copy from a pound shop. That's a British recession-driven thrift store: everything a pound or less (about a dollar fifty). At that price, I'm not really angry. It gave me a wry smile or two, and added to my knowledge and understanding of Z-grade horror films. But don't pay a penny more.

This brilliant, over-the-top dark-humored romp is sure to please fans of both the horror and cult genres. With an original (albeit predictable) plot, great special FX, shameless over-acting and numerous tongue-in-cheek lines, this uproarious little gem is destined to be a cult classic. Despite the rather brief plot summary on the DVD, you'll be pleasantly surprised...I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of this latest Charles Band installment. I had not been an avid fan before, but I've got to give Mr. Band "two thumbs up" on this one. The "worry dolls" were exceptionally disturbing....keep up the good work, Charles! Eight stars.

A lifelong fan of Charles Band... or at least since the first Puppet Master film, I am always first to pick up his latest movie, regardless of how silly it might seem. I just got a copy of Dangerous Worry Dolls in the mail last night and, without the slightest hesitation, quickly popped it in the player.

The verdict? Its sadly time for Charles Band to ditch the "tiny things do bad stuff" storyline he's been milking for the past 20 years. This one is certainly the final nail in the teeny, tiny coffin.

First, the good: Band is DIRTY in this flick! His past few films have bordered on PG-13; but this one has some really racy stuff (full frontal nudity! sodomy!) and nice, albeit short, gore gags. The lead actress is pretty easy on the eyes, too.

And that's about it.

Now, the bad: The plot is a total mess, with no real direction and numerous story lines leading absolutely nowhere. A nervous girl with a permanent worried look on her face is so over-the-top, she becomes hilarious. While there is some gore, not ONE of the deaths takes place on-screen. Out of the four titular one-inch-tall "worry dolls", only one is used - and we have NO idea where its power comes from or why it does what it does.

And the REALLY bad: Hardly anyone in the film notices the golfball-sized pimple growing on the lead character's head, leading to some unintentionally hilarious scenes. It also randomly changes in size and looks totally different in all close-ups. A "twist" involving a guard is one of the most embarrassing moments in any Full Moon movie - ever.

And the REALLY, REALLY bad? In a terrible From Beyond ripoff, a tiny, 1/4-inch tall screaming skull pokes out of the main character's forehead, forcing her to do evil deeds. The sight and sound of it, alone, is roll-on-the-floor hilarity.

View this one at your own risk, people. Its a small step in the right direction, especially after Doll Graveyard (which had NO redeeming qualities), but still far from Band's heyday.