Monster Ark

One thing that really peeves me, and it's prevalent with these made for SciFy channel movies, is the complete lack of knowledge of the subjects that they're doing. In particular, the military, but in the case of "Monster Ark", they managed to humiliate themselves with their lack of archaeological knowledge, as well. I know that these people can't be expected to be actual scientists, but it would be nice if they could be portrayed as a little more professional than a carnival barker.

As far as the military goes, this is great insight into the minds of the writers / director. If these people write characters that are so completely incompetent, what does that say about how they would confront a similar problem? Poorly written, bad acting, zero technical or military advisers, and a monster that makes Godzilla look real, and you have a big time flop. I hope those guys filled their backpacks at the craft services table, because this is a dog, plain and simple.

OK till the Military came it and them it when to crap the worst acting by a actor in a long time Tommy 'Tiny' Lister was terrible Absolutely no research done in making this movie with its crappy poor acting. No common sense or proper tactics, no sense of acting, sense of place, all out poor. Somehow I was offended by how bad the acting is, especially since there are veteran actors in this work of crap that somehow falls in to the category of being a "movie" Don't ever allow these people to make another movie or suicide rates may sky rocket The worst possible film ever set out in the 21st century. In my three years in the US Army I have never found it OK to address a senior NCO by sir, ma'am, or as an officer. Appearing to be wearing the rank of a First Sergeant, this guy is referred to as "Major" and "sir.

You know, I realize why casualties in Iraq are so bad. Apparently, Iraq is crawling with ancient monsters that have been let loose by meddling by the US military. Saddam was keeping the world safe from ancient monsters, but Bush has managed to screw that up.

This is the second Skiffy channel movie that was built around this premise. The first was "Manticore" with Star Trek Voyager's Robert Beltran. This has a biblical theme.

Well, my complaint with this one is similar to the my complaint with the other. If you are going to do a movie about the military, actually learn what you are talking about. If this is a mission that higher ups consider important, they'd send a lot more than a squad. A senior Non-commissioned officer is referred to as "Sergeant" or "Sergeant-Major" not "Major" or "Sir". The uniforms are completely wrong. (Big rank insignia on the sleeves of combat uniforms went out in the 1970's. It just tells the enemy who to shoot at.) In a combat situation, you don't go into a nice cluster that can be mowed down with a few shots. YOu also had a clearly overweight soldier, which would simply not happen in a combat zone.

My other complaint with the movie is that the whole character conflict comes between the bible-thumping translator (played by ex-Xena Life Parnter Renee O'Connor) and her atheist ex-husband archaeologist. Which begs the obvious question, if these two had such diametrically opposed views on faith and God, how could they have ever gotten married to start with? Not that it matters, their discussions on faith are so vapid and shallow they barely move the plot along.

The only reason why I tuned in to see this movie is that the monster looked really cool in the previews. As it turns out that is the only good thing about this movie.

The story is that college professor Nicholas and two of his students discovers a urn. They take the urn back to America and have Nicholas's ex-wife Ava open it. Inside they find the original book of Genesis. Ava decodes it and discover that Noah had made a second ark to banish demonic monster, but the ark crashed and sinked in Iraq. So just like that the team heads over to Iraq with no problem from the government. There they meet hard ass Iraqui Captian Backhar. Together they find this "Monster Ark" and open the cage holding the monster. The monster escapes and goes on a rampage. Captian Backhar fail to stop the monster with raw fire power. Team then figures out that they must get Noah's staff to stop the monster, but the offspring of Noah are protecting it and won't hand it over so easily. Nicholas now must learn to have faith in order to stop the monster.

The Monster was the only thing that kept me watching. The acting was below average. The director inserted a sub-plot between Nicholas and Ava about them not trusting each other. He also add moments to create chemistry between characters, but these fail. The chemistry seemed fake and the sub-plot wasn't though out well enough.

The special effects on the monster where good enough but still looked fake. The Monster design was awesome but the movement needed work. The flash back scenes of the ark where completely CGI and look like something out of a 90's video game.

If you are looking to see a good monster movie watch this but fast forward though all the talking and just watch the scenes with the monster.

Monster Ark actually did seem at least watchable(if nothing great) from the trailers. Its good points are the intriguing idea, the eerie score and the spirited performances of Renee O' Connor and Tim DeKay. Other than that, Monster Ark just didn't engage. And no, I am not just talking about the clunky special effects, looking both cheap in look and stiff in movement, and the lazy directing. I'm also talking about the editing, which is as far away from slick as you can come, the lifelessly paced and predictable story, the preachy, stilted dialogue and generally uninteresting and stereotypical characters. Amanda Crew and Bill Parks try their best, but I couldn't enjoy their efforts properly because they were saddled with the most stereotypical characters of the movie.

All in all, dull and unengaging with a couple of redeeming qualities here and there. 3/10 Bethany Cox