1000 Maneiras de Morrer

This show is not for the faint of heart. It re-enacts some really gruesome deaths and these are deaths that have happened to real people. I can't believe some of them actually happened because they are so crazy, like one about a purse snatcher who ran into a car wash to get away from the police, slipped on water, fell back on a pressure hose that turned on and shot high pressure water into his skull until his head blew up. Some are a one in a million chance to happen, like a guy who gets killed by a stray bullet shot into the air from a mile away. It comes down dead on into his heart. Some make me think, I hope to God I don't die like that, like the guy who presented the brazen bull to an emperor who put the presenter into it to test it. If you've got a fascination for death and the macabre, you will enjoy this, the narrator makes some rye jokes to keep the mood a little lighter. It's not really meant to be a grim depressing show, just a show that makes you go, whoa that is messed up.

Let's first get this out of the way - 1000 Ways to Die is like a slasher film. Except it's actually a TV series. And the deaths portrayed actually happened. Sort of.

1000 Ways to Die is exactly what the title suggests - a barrage of odd and unbelievable ways to die. These are claimed to be dramatizations of actual deaths. What they really are are loose interpretations of rumored deaths, sort of what would happen if Mythbusters cut out the mythbusting part of their show. The deaths here aren't really to be taken seriously, just enjoyed.

And boy are they enjoyable. You get some really entertaining special effects in this show. These deaths look like they were taken straight out of a campy horror flick, between the decapitated heads and severed intestines. Yes, decapitated heads and severed intestines. On prime time cable. Pretty rad, huh? And what would decapitated heads and severed intestines be without retarded men, sexy women, and flat-out neo-Con inspired racism? And boy, if you like all of the above, you'll love this show.

As for me, I'm a little appalled at what this show gets away with, and how dumb it is. But entertainment is entertainment, and I find myself oddly entranced by increasing amounts of blood and brains as this show continues (as one 'expert' put it, 7 gallons of blood, to be precise). As much as this show epitomizes the mindlessness of American television as of late, it also epitomizes the rough, tough, masculine culture that Spike claimed to embody but hadn't yet delivered. Well, this show delivers testosterone-pumped entertainment in its purist form. Sex, drugs, and guts. And really, how could you argue against THAT?

1000 Ways to Die is a gruesome little guilty pleasure focusing on all the grotesque ways people can be killed. The show largely does a good job of making it fun and not too offensive, but at times it stumbles.

The writers took a few episodes to find the right formula. The first episode poked fun at people who died, often at work, for things that weren't really their fault. One sketch made a pun about the death of a laundry worker who died because his idiot co-worker didn't bother to unplug the dryer he was cleaning. Another cracked jokes about a girl who only died because she took her high heels off and then stepped in a puddle which unbeknownst to her had a wire in it. These early episodes were just cringe inducing.

Later episodes dealt with this issue by making certain the victims were too stupid or mean to be sympathetic. Even so, a certain feeling remains that it's wrong to be enjoying this show, especially when you hear that many of the stories actually did happen in real life, but to little children rather than the jerks you're watching.

1000 Ways to Die...the show your conscience will hate you for loving.

Amidst a number of shows which try so hard to be cerebral and generally expose themselves as fraudulent, 1000 Ways to Die is an odd breath of sincerity; sincerely stupid and ridiculous, but refreshing. Each show is a collection of 'shorts' wherein someone dies, usually in an unusual way. The acting is atrocious. The special effects are mediocre. The narration is often funny. And each scene concludes with a 'title' for that death, which is usually a pun. In my opinion, it's the funniest bit of the show, and you'll probably find yourself trying to guess what the death will be 'called' before it appears on screen.

The dramatizations are pure ridiculousness. In many cases, it's pretty clear that the producers and writers took great liberty with the characterizations (they wanted to make sure that for the most part, you don't feel too much sympathy for those who are going to die). Practically every other woman on the show is a stripper (as the narrator assures us) and ample screen time is given to showing us these women strutting around as sex kittens before someone else around them dies. Is it possible that death follows strippers? Maybe. I really don't know. But this is about the only 'thought candy' 1000 Ways to Die provides.

It also gets funny to see the 'experts; the show uses, to attempt a legitimization of itself. The same people keep showing up as experts, though their titles shift. The conspiracy theory expert becomes a certified 'deathologist' an episode or two later. I suspect he was really just some guy selling newspapers outside the studio, who was offered a few bucks to act official and accepted.

And the show doesn't suffer for it one bit.

It's a comedy. Enjoy it as dumb fun and it will indeed be fun. Expect more and you'll be let down. But you should have a pretty good idea of what the show is within the first five minutes.

This is a reality show that people are dying to appear on.

Actually, no one really wants to be on 1000 Ways To Die. But some people are just either too stupid or too unlucky not to.

If you can imagine the people who do the "Darwin Awards" website writing a horror movie, this is probably close to what they would come up with. Each death is horrific, but you find yourself feeling a little better afterward, because in most (not all) cases, you realize the gene pool just improved a little bit.

The best deaths are those that fit the way the deceased lived. There are so many of these that it is impossible to list them all. (See every show. There's at least one example in each episode).