João e o Pé de Feijão

Once you realise that the director works there n the make-up department for most of his life (and still today) you can see why this over acted, badly written, terribly cast sh*t flick is so bad. What you can't believe or understand is how he was allowed to direct it. There must be a much more interesting story there. The writers have only written animated scrips before, so no live film experience which explains why every character in the famous tale is so 1 dimensional. Cameos don't add anything and I sWear you can see the girls eyes moving in some scenes as she reads off dummy cards. Just crap.

You know how your granny complains that they never make nice films any more, that the whole family can sit down and watch? This was clearly designed by your granny, as something nice and old fashioned; the trouble is, I think the old bird's getting a bit senile.

It goes like this: Jack lives in fairyland, where everything is a fairy story, and he wants to be a hero. But in order to do so, he has to go on a quest and learn about things like Sacrifice and Perseverance and I'm sorry I just can't go on. I just can't.

It's not the clichéd plot that kills this movie. It's not even the hideous, explosion-in-a-cuteness-factory design of the sets. It's the acting, and the characters. They're just AWFUL. Jack himself is the kind of precocious brat who needs a good whack upside the head, but he's nothing compared to poor Christopher Lloyd, who is forced to explain every joke very slowly, over and over, as though he's speaking to an audience that's suffering from major brain damage. Lloyd is better than the frantically mugging Wallace Shawn, who plays multiple roles, all of them dreadful. Even that shameful performance is far, far better than Gilbert Gottfried, who is just insufferable as a human chicken. Did no one look at that character? Did no one think that maybe, just maybe, a movie with that horrible, screeching nincompoop at the centre of it might be a bad idea? The only cast member who comes out of this mess with any dignity intact is Chloe Moretz, who filmed this just before she went on to fame in Kick-Ass. I think it's safe to say she won't be putting this movie in her show reel, though.

This is an old-fashioned family film, in all the wrong ways. It's far too twee and cloying for adults, and much too cutesy for kids who have been brought up on the harder edges of Pixar or Disney movies. There's never any sense of even slight danger, so that it's impossible for adults or kids to get involved in the film. I wouldn't recommend letting your kids see Kick-Ass, but there are a thousand better movies for them than this.

GOOD INTERESTING STORY THAT IS FUN AND PRETTY EASY TO FOLLOW = 1/2 Star

MEMORABLE DIALOGUE = 1 Star

FEEL A PULL TO WATCH IT AGAIN = 0 Stars

MUSIC OR SCORE STANDS OUT = 1/2 Star

NO NOTICEABLE PLOT HOLES = 0 Stars

STORY GETS RESOLVED OR FEELS COMPLETE IN SOME WAY = 1 Star

I PERSONALLY LIKE OR FEEL A CONNECTION TO THIS STORY = 0 Stars

MEMORABLE OR LIKABLE CHARACTERS = 1 Star

MOST THINGS ABOUT THE STORY COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN OR ARE BELIEVABLE = 0 Stars

STORY ISN'T BORING OR REPETITIVE = 0 Stars

A funny movie for kids that puts a whole new spin on Jack and the Beanstalk. There are many familiar faces in this film and it's a wonder why it bombed. The story is creative and somewhat funny even for adults. It's almost like a unintentional trippy movie to laugh at with friends. This story is cliche but so is the original story right?

Pretty much low-budget, but very entertaining. A smart, witty parody on famous fairy-tales, full of cultured humor, without vulgarity and all those nasty things that suppose to be funny these days. Perfect for brain relaxation.

8/10

Absolutely loved this film, the classic story updated a little and with enough going on to keep the younger viewers occupied. For me, in my mid 50's this was a great re-telling of the original story. had a great time identifying the older actors (and voices). For those that give this film a bad review, put yourselves in the shoes of a 6 or 7 year old seeing and hearing the story for the first time and accept it for what it is, a fairy tale! I thought that the standard of acting, the production and all of the sets were superb, in particular the goose that laid the golden egg, Christoper Lloyd as the schoolmaster and Katey Sagal as Jack,s mother were particularly good performances