Universal Soldiers

For those that think that the Asylum only puts out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad horror films, like such stinkers as "Halloween Night", "Massacre at Cutter's Cove", and "Snakes on a Train", you'd be dead wrong as they also put out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad sci-fi films like this one. Despite the title, this has absolutely NO relation to the Universal Soldier films, and owes much much to Predator and terminator (not to tarnish either of those two classics by comparison trust me). Anyways in this putrid little number, a group of the most highly ineffectual members of the military since "Hills have Eyes 2" are stalked by the lamest looking Borg-wanna be cyborgs that I've ever seen. Most of the film the enemy is off-screen, substituted by lame-ass predator-vision so it relies on the characters whom are all cliché boring cardboard cutouts that you truly don't care if they live or die. The ending in particular is so laughably atrocious that one can't help but feel their brain liquefying just by viewing it.

My Grade: F

You know, I wonder what this movie would have been like had I been able to hear what was going on half the time. Really, it sounded awful, absolutely awful. I couldn't hear half the dialog and even if I could it was overpowered by heavy nature sounds (including one particularly annoying seagull) and bad/inappropriate music.

That said, I thought the film looked pretty good. I was impressed by some genuinely cinematic moments. Take away about 80% of the jv "predator vision" and don't artificially speed up shots (especially during fight sequences) and this film could have looked great. I like the "Saving Private Ryan" bland colors and choppy images but dial the latter back especially during the exposition sequences; it's too much at the wrong times.

There was also some promising talent in front of the camera. Rick Malabri was quite photogenic though his character felt a bit one-sided and Kristen Quintrall was quite entertaining to watch though perhaps an errant boob falling free from her loose-fitting uniform whilst hanging from the rope snare would have enhanced the viewing experience. I would watch her work again...

All in all I think of this film more in terms of what it could have been rather than what it was. It was butchered by bad sound and what I'm sure must have been too much rush and poor creative decisions by some producer. I could feel the art trying to break through but being stifled by time and business constraints. If nothing else, I hope all involved learned from the experience. If the talent of a select few is ever fully realized, than we might come to expect better, even great, things from an otherwise dismal and confusing film-making model.

This movies has them all: story line, drama, action, love, sex, special effects. No, I didn't lost my mind, I was just jocking it's a COMPLETE GARBAGE.

It goes around a failed experiment and that's about it with the story line. The characters are weak, but why do you need strong characters when everything is about shooting aimlessly and getting killed. Most of the actors I think were hired on "the cheapest we can get" premises.

You can watch this as an alternative to a Comedy or a Documentary. It is actually funny how bad the roles and the actors are, and you can consider it a case study about bad movies.

Well done Griff Furst, keep trying, by mistake you will eventually make something good.

If a negative vote would be possible, I surely would give one to this film. It's bad dialogue, bad acting and NO story at all. I'm not a big fan of Jean Claude Van Damme but I liked the first 'Universal Soldier' film. The second was OK. But this one is just horrible. It's not even useful as background noise while doing chores. I was waiting for nearly 15 Minutes for the story to begin. Then another Charakter showed up and the badness began. My first thought was 'who wrote this garbage?'. My second thought was 'I have to warn people not to watch this cr...p'. When I came to IMDb I saw that other people already did that, but I'm writing a commend anyway. Do yourself a favor and don't watch it (many other comments here already said that - listen to them). You would have more fun pulling your teeth.

I am glad it was a free rental. I was half tempted to scratch the disc to spare the next poor sap 86 mins of his life. I mean seriously, this was crap. I have seen better film student films and much better (ok not MUCH better) films from indie filmmakers in Florida.

So I guess this film is Universal in one thing...it sucks!

I could just repeat most of what Alkaly from the UK said, but it was all so true. To rehash, the fairly average chicks in the movie didn't even get naked.

Oh and the second (the first would be the movie was filmed) most annoying thing was the soundtrack. It sounded like they used a digital answering machine to record the voices.

I shouldn't even waste more time writing a review of this movie, but it was that bad I had to clear my conscience and let people know.