Matadores de Vampiras Lésbicas

This is for everyone who didn't like this movie. What did you expect. Really, what did you expect? You went to see a movie called Lesbian Vampire Killers. It had the lesbians, it had the vampires and oh yes, there were killings. Okay, it wasn't the best movie ever. The style was kind of like heroes meets sean of the dead. But it was as funny as other good comedies, it kept me entertained from start to finish mostly because of the lesbians but that's neither here nor there and although the plot was simple it was a nice idea. Essentially unless you like lesbians vampires and killings, and unless you one of those people who sees Matthew Horne throwing a sword at the bad guy who is in the middle of his two friends and think 'that doesn't make any sense he could have missed and hit James Corden, why didn't he just stab the sword' instead of thinking 'wow that was kick ass' then don't go and see this movie because you won't enjoy it.

This is one of those titles that make you expect the worst, but make you have to watch it. So I took some time on a weary afternoon, and I gave it a shot.

The first minutes I was happily surprised. Settings and costumes chosen with care, good camera-work and effects (none of the vague stuff that surrounds low-budget flicks), and some witty dialogues. Typical British, yes, but that's a positive remark. The main characters, and their main philosophy, was much to my liking. What follows is more of the same, and I never felt the need to fast-forward or to hide my face and ears in shame. My eyes definitely could appreciate the displayed beauty, whereas in England, these girls should actually be harder to find.

Okay, so the critics will bash on the plot (no sh*t, Sherlock) and the overacting in some cases (again, it's not a candidate for the Oscars). True, no need to expect the best either, but if that's what you're going for, then why choose this movie.

A good time, with true laughs ... I got what I came for.

This is without a doubt a movie all teenage boys wish they could have made. Dumb without a doubt. No real worth other than cheeky humor and showing off women in a tawdry way. But come on this is what the entire movie was about.

I hope that the budget wasn't all that much so that maybe they can do a sequel with werewolves so that Fletch can get what he asked for in this movie.

To all the people out there why slam a movie when the movie was made to be like this. It's not like they were trying to make another Dracula (1992). This was nothing but fun campy humor. And well done at that.

So I can't understand the poor rating for this film, except to think it was marketed to the wrong people (by accident).

What this film is not... 1) A horror film. There are no scares, it's not a fright fest. It's not even really what I would term "gory". 2) This is not Evil Dead, or Shawn or the Dead, but more like Army of Darkness. 3) This is not a porn film, there is little nudity, but if you like to see hot ladies, barely clothed, then...

What this film is... 1) Pure camp and all out laughs 2) lots of action and hilarious special effects. 3) An amazing soundtrack even for a high budget A movie. 4) Non stop memorable scenes and one liners. Based on a lot of reviews from IMDb, critics, and other sites, it seems many who watched this film expected something quite different. To me it's a modern day comic masterpiece Cordon as Fletch and McGann as the Vicar were my favorite characters. The beautiful lead vampires played by Silvia and Vera were amazing and right there as well. The rest of the cast (Mathew and Myanna especially) were also great and did just what they needed to do.

This movie is fun sober or wasted. Enjoy either way just take things a little less seriously...

Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla (Silvia Colloca) in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy (Mathew Horne) is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy (Lucy Gaskell) and misses her. His best friend Fletch (James Corden) is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte (MyAnna Buring), Heide (Tiffany Mulheron), Anke (Louise Dylan) and Trudi (Ashley Mulheron) have trouble with their van and Jimmy and Fletch reach them in the forest and they offer a ride to the guys to the cottage. They introduce themselves as students of folklore and they are researching the Vampire Queen Carmilla. When Fletch believes that he will have a night of beer and sex with three sexy girls and Jimmy and Lotte have a crush on each other, the cottage is surrounded by a group of lesbian vampires that vampires intend to use Jimmy and Lotte's blood to bring Carmilla back to life. They are abducted by the vampires, but Fletch escapes and meets Reverend Vicar (Paul McGann) that tells him that Jimmy is a descendant of the baron and only hope to stop the evil curse of Cragwich.

The B-movie "Lesbian Vampire Killers" is indeed an entertaining silliness with a funny story, supported by a stylish cinematography, very sexy women and two imbeciles in the lead roles. There are many good moments, and I particularly liked when Jimmy invites by chance the lesbian vampires to enter in the cottage; or the reference to a gay werewolf inclusive in the very last scene; or when Judy meets her lover at his home. This movie will certainly never be nominated to an Oscar and is not recommended to intellectuals or fans of art movie; however, for an average viewer like me that knows what might expect from a movie with the title "Lesbian Vampire Killers", he or she will not be disappointed and will certainly laugh a lot. The beautiful and sexy actresses have been very well cast by the producers. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): Not Available (only on 30 October 2009)

Note: On 29 January 2021, I saw this film again on Blu-Ray. Title (Brazil): "Matadores de Vampiras Lésbicas" ("Lesbian Vampire Killers")