Tiranossauro Azteca

To be fair they did as well as they could with a budget of five shillings and sixpence, but the dialogue was more cheesy than 9lbs of emmental and the CGI was a little old hat now. maybe if some of the actors were not so perfectly chiselled out of granite it would have made the film a little better too.. To say this was awful is to do this film a mis-service, if you want to see something that is totally execrable, you gotta sit and waste a couple of hours of your life watching 'sickle', that is soo mind numbingly awful, its actually good,(several large alcoholic beverages are deriguer though. Any road up, I enjoyed this film and its gotta be worth a look if you have not seen it yet, just don't expect anything along the lines of 'jurassic park,the lost world' or 'apocalypto'.

It was 1 a.m. in the morning and I had nothing else to do. Don't judge me... please.

We're back in time during the Spanish settlements. A group have made their way onto an island. It doesn't take too long before they encounter a large "reptile", which gobbles up their horse. Soon they're captured by the natives and in order to gain freedom they must kill the "reptile gods." THE CG sucks; it reminds me of the CG of early console video games. The encounters were lame. The only positive thing I have to say about this was the hottie native running around in a skimpy outfit. Otherwise it's just a middling effort.

I'll bet none of you knew that the famous Conquistador Hernando Cortes made a preliminary scouting expedition to Mexico before taking on the Aztecs. Good thing he did because he would never have known about those T Rexs that inhabited one particular valley where the locals revered them as gods.

That was understandable. What wasn't was the casting of blue eyed Ian Ziering as Cortes. Even with the blond hair made famous in Beverly Hills 90210 dyed black, Ian looked positively ridiculous. At least he made no attempt at a Spanish accent.

The real hero of Tyrannosaurus Azteca is Marco Sanchez also late of a television series with a semi-recurring role in Walker Texas Ranger as Detective Sandoval of the Dallas PD. He finds true love with an Aztec princess and life would be just perfect if it wasn't for those pesky prehistoric beasts the natives worship.

Tyrannosaurus Azteca looks like they used some outtakes from the famous Sid&Marty Krofft series the Land of the Lost. All that was needed was some Sleestak to appear.

If you're interested in finding out about this reconnoitering expedition that didn't quite make the history books by all means check out Tyrannosaurus Azteca. Then try and sit through it with a straight face.

A very clever movie, using the old style movie plot, that the writer and director team very subtly, and very craftily, made their point.

The movie is an old style Science Fiction adventure. Cortez leads six men on an expedition into the Aztec world. Cortez is a good choice, because he is known as one of the less ruthless, but still successful conquistadors. He certainly had more civility than Pizarro.

Along the way, they meet a tribe, and two T Rexes. They are out for conquest, so they decide they will conquer the tribe instead of the T Rexes.

But the tribe gets the better of them, and a priest intervenes on their behalf. It isn't unusual for a Spaniard to be stranded or shipwrecked near a coastal community, and such was the case for this priest, who was deemed interesting enough by the tribe to take in, and he taught them the language of Cortez.

The characters are very real and identifiable. You genuinely care about them. It is well written and directed. The T Rexes lumber, as some scientists still believe. It is only recently that some scientists claim that rexes were speedy, but these are scientists just trying to get their names into print. Good Science dictates that it takes an incredible amount of energy to give speed to that weight. It's like trying to motor a two ton truck as opposed to a motorcycle. The lumbering T Rex still makes more sense.

The characters are well done. Cortez is much like the leader of the treasure seekers in "The Jungle Book", the one with Sabu in it. He is a decent man, who cares about other people, and has humanity, but still wants the treasure. The priest is a very three dimensional character. The romantic two leads are also believable, especially for the times, since they have never seen movies, and don't know what a modern character is supposed to be like. They behave much as you would find credible for the times.

But the chief point of the movie is that it attacks all other horror and Science Fiction movies in a very subtle way. It comes with the idea in the title I gave this, and I wouldn't want to spoil it. Nearly all horror and Science Fiction movies made in the last forty years indicate that some characters are "divinely" above any physical weakness, and that if you're evil enough, you cannot become weak. This movie cleverly attacks that notion.

I was intrigued by the concept and did think that Tyranosaurus Azteca had a lot of good ideas going for it. The camera work and scenery are quite nice, the acting from Dichen Lachman is decent and there are some acceptable enough gore effects. So what spoilt Tyranosaurus Azteca? The dinosaur effects for one, I've seen worse with Warbirds and the (insert name) vs (insert name) movies, but on the whole they do look cheap and sometimes off-scale. In terms of how they are used, they are nowhere near tough enough, little is done to make them at least interesting with little attempt to explain their origins, and they die all too easily. Despite the gore, the death scenes are lame, with no real suspense or sense of terror, not to mention hilariously-over-the-top in some. The story is rather unsurprising with too much of a silly tone and never really that exciting(though I can definitely think of much duller SyFy movies), the characters are on the clichéd side of things with little done to make us identify with them, the Shamon character ends up annoying rather than antagonistic and the rest of the acting with Lichman aside is either bland(Marco Sanchez or too broad(Ian Zierling). All in all, not terrible but I didn't find much to be enthused about. 4/10 Bethany Cox