- Scot: ...I grew alot.
- Billy: Yeah. Kids grow, you grew. That's good.
- Scot: You didn't notice.
- Eric McNally: I would.
- [walks towards Scot]
- Eric McNally: Cause you're gonna grow alot. You're gonna get taller, your voice is gonna change,your face is gonna change. It'll all be amazingly different. But it'll all happen so slowly you won't even notice. But I would. I'd notice you. Everyday,I notice you.
- Scot: Boys shave their faces.
- Eric McNally: Yeah.
- Scot: Do they ever shave anyplace else?
- Eric McNally: Such as?
- Scot: The leg-ular region?
- Eric McNally: The legu - Ow. No. No, Scot. No. Athletes. Only athletes.
- Scot: You were an athlete.
- Eric McNally: Yeah, which is why I can say don't do it. It grows back. Very painfully. You would not believe how much it itches. It's not funny.
- Andrea Burlington: [her son is repeatedly hitting a hockey stick on a tree] Ryan! Drop the damn stick! Give it to me to beat you with.
- Ryan Burlington: [Eric's carrying him home after a fight with Scot] All I was doing was hitting apples with a car lock. He's the one that came out acting all weird. 'What are you doing?' Hitting apples. 'Why you doing that?' Cause there's nothing to do. 'Why don't you eat them?' Who eats apples? And then he said he wanted to kiss me?
- Eric McNally: [puts Ryan down] Kiss you?
- Ryan Burlington: You think I'm making this shit up?
- Eric McNally: [after outing himself at work] You know, women's soccer isn't that bad after all.
- Mia: I think Greg's downgraded you to croquet.
- Eric McNally: I can't believe it. One 'Erica' comment and... .
- Mia: It wasn't that. Everyone already knew.
- Ryan Burlington: [to Scot] I took your advice. I said I was sorry I was stupid, and now I'm getting solid D's. And I'm not even trying.
- Mia: Yay. Aim high.
- Eric McNally: [detailing Scot's behavior] Kid's running around here like it's a never ending Halloween parade. Halloween! What's he gonna want to be for Halloween?
- Joan: [amused] Wow. You sound like a parent.
- Eric McNally: Don't. Don't say that.
- Sam: Don't say that.
- Joan: Parents bore people by talking about their children.
- Eric McNally: Sorry.
- Joan: And the apologizing for it afterwards.