Fishtales

Der Schnibbler was too kind when he called this movie jagged. The screenwriter seems to have no clue about anything. I howled in the beginning when Billy Zane's character is warned of the precarious position of a "visiting professor emeritus." ("Emeritus" is a fancy word for "retired", hardly appropriate for the youthful Zane, and visitors don't retire because they never had a permanent job in the first place.) The mermaid doesn't make any attempt to hide herself, but the villagers are unaware of her. When the daughter first encounters her, both characters are unsurprised and swim together like old friends, with no hesitation or getting-to-know-you scenes. I could go on and on.

The filmmakers seem to have been making up the plot as they went along, while suffering some sort of amnesia as to what came before. Yes, it's a fantasy, but there is zero internal logic. And whenever they run out of ideas, they resort to gross-out jokes. (TWO crotch blows in 15 seconds? Give me a break.)

I will, however, admit that all the leads are photogenic. I hope that next time they will read the script before signing up.

Dr. Thomas Bradley (Billy Zane) is a typical absent-minded professor. Writing a book about the lore and language of ancient Greece, he is having trouble, nonetheless, meeting deadlines. His young daughter, Serena, is at a loss about how to help him. At the college's direction, Dr. Bradley is told to travel to the Greek isles and finish his book at the appropriate time. Unfortunately, Thomas is a bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to the sea and he can't swim, so the prospect of a working vacation surrounded by water doesn't please him. Yet, once he and his daughter arrive at their destination, Dr. Bradley does find the atmosphere quite nice. So does Serena. In fact, Serena meets a beautiful neried (Kelly Brook), a classical name for mermaid, on the shore and is fascinated by her new acquaintance. The young girl is soon determined to "match" the mermaid to her father, despite the fact that the water-lady only has legs after sunset. Then, too complications arrive when a native Greek gentleman begins following the foreigners, for his grandson has told him a mermaid has been seen on the shore near their house. Will the professor finish his book in time and will he be interested in romance, too? This was quite a lovely film for those fans of light romance. The cast is nice, with Zane giving a fine comical turn as the professor and Brook utterly gorgeous and dry-witted as the neried. All other cast members give talented turns, too. Naturally, the scenery in Greece is beautiful beyond measure and the costumes, production values, script and direction are worthy, too. But, although the movie is touted as an acceptable family film, some parents might object to the daughter's occasional back-talk and the use of words like "a-hole". All in all, however, kids will probably enjoy it, especially young girls. Therefore, if you or yours love humorous romance and sweet stories, here is a tale to bring home someday soon. There's nothing fishy in saying a good time will be had by all, young and old alike.

First of all thanks to the director, is rare to see now a film where there is no camera shaking, thank you for going back to slow camera pans and steady shots, that and the visuals made me enjoy the film.

The only good thing in this movie are the quotes. It's all so corny and ridiculous, my family quotes it all the time.

The cast may have seemed to have had fun filming this--but you certainly won't.

Classicist goes to Greek island with his daughter to work on his research on ancient love spells. There his daughter befriends a mermaid, with whom she subsequently attempts to fix up her reclusive and work-obsessed father.

Sounds good when I put it that way but sitting through the film is a very different experience. If I had to describe this entire movie in one word, it would be "jagged." The plot lurches abruptly in random directions, with characters' motivations suddenly shifting unexplainably or we see them performing actions which are bizarre and out of place.

Not long after the professor arrives on the island, he calls Oxford and, in a drunken stupor, tells them he quits his job. There is no lead up to this. Nothing. Out of nowhere, a perfectly composed researcher is shown drunk and quitting. His daughter, who befriends the mermaid, does all she can to make her father and the mermaid meet only to suddenly change her mind because she realizes her father is in love with "a fish." Why is the daughter's motivation suddenly twisted around 180 degrees? In another scene, we see the daughter walking into a shop and addressed by a female shopkeeper with a dubbed male voice who snorts, pig-like. Why? We will never know. The villain is played by a local fisherman with a mechanical arm (your guess it as good as mine here) who wants to capture the mermaid for his own profit.

Countless of scenes consist of snippets of dialog which seem to have belonged in a bigger conversation. Then the scene cuts to yet another in a long stream of bizarre happenings.

I don't want to put this film down, because I rather like its strange but original nature. However, I must warn any potential viewers: If you are looking for an off-beat, strange little movie that'll slightly perplex you while it throws in a few slightly amusing parts, then sure, go see "Fishtales." However, if you are looking to be ENTERTAINED--if you want a movie with a coherent plot, which is well-paced, moves in a pleasant manner and captures you attention without you having to constantly pause and ask yourself, "what the..."--see "Splash" instead.