A Mulher Biônica

Network: NBC; Genre: Sci-Fi Action; Content Rating: TV-PG (for comic book violence); Available: DVD; Perspective: Contemporary (star range: 1 - 4);

Seasons Reviewed: Series (1 season)

"Bionic Woman" barrels onto the fall 2007 schedule with a typhoon of hype that it doesn't deserve and outspoken armchair critic repulsion that it also probably doesn't deserve. Worst show ever? Hardly. As with "Cavemen", the internet rebellion is on overdrive again to take something down.

A remake of the 1976 series of the same name (with a slogan taken from the 1975 series of a different name), NBC's "Bionic Woman" updates Jamie Summers and her ear, arm and legs (and installs a bionic eye) for a new generation. Now, that special effects have reached the technological point that they can be pulled off on TV cheaply without looking so, 70s sci-fi is fair game for any high-tech re-imagining.

I'll admit, I was taken with these visual effects in the first episode, when Jamie (the bodacious Michelle Ryan, perfectly up for all the action) escapes from the lab that re-assembled her and runs through a forest. We actually see her legs moving, instead of the blurred Tom Welling that dashes through "Smallville". Soon the pilot climaxes in a blurry bionic-woman-on-bionic-woman fight scene shot with such shot cuts it's guaranteed to pull you out of the action with it's trickery. As is all of the show's fighting. We can make a woman run at lightening speed look real but we can't make a fight scene look like it wasn't created entirely in the editing suite.

But let's talk about "Smallville". On that comic book series the action sequences are creatively constructed and bring to a head the emotional strands of the story. The acting, at least from the supporting players, is quite good and the show is a cinematic production, visually restrained and musically appropriated. "Bionic" is a cold, shallow exercise in frenzied fight scenes and time-tested shoot-outs.

The show doesn't have an original bone in it's body; and not just because it's a remake. Like any big budget production it plays everything safe from soup to nuts, following even it's own formula strictly. Jamie works for a secret government agency, led by Miguel Ferrer (still playing the gruff but concerned team leader from "Crossing Jordan"), who sends her out on assignments to foil terrorists across the country and around the world. It's "Chuck" without the quirky humor, "Heroes" without the invention, "Smallville" without the heart. It may be apples and oranges but look at the ho-hum episode in which Jamie returns to college for an assignment and compare that to a similar and far more inspired episode of "Chuck" where that show's unlikely secret agent returns to college.

I recognize this is all criticism you either know already or just assumed from the show's status as a remake. But you'd have to see it to know how just about everything down to the studs doesn't work. It's wildly over-directed and to counter-act that it's blandly scripted. It is a hollow-to-the-core Hollywood production, mechanically assemble out of condescension and laziness, betting that viewers will sit slack-jawed through the 50 minutes of routine, talky set-up just to see Jamie bust out a bionic feat of strength and save the day in the final 5 minutes. That's all we'll get and we'll be lucky to get it.

The biggest insult? For my money it's the way the show takes "Breath Me", a song that lent such beauty and such an emotional punch in the gut to the "Six Feet Under" finale and just slap-dash lays it over a training montage. Heresy!

* ½ / 4

I think this "re-make" can be summed up in one observation: the premier episode was just an hour. Therefore, it was just another episode. Problem is, you can't lay the foundation for what is obviously supposed to be a blockbuster series in just one hour. Much less a re-make that is marketed to draw in everybody over the age of 40 who watched the original "Bionic Woman" and "The Six Million Dollar Man."

As a member of that demographic, I was left very much wanting. The premier was basically a "wham, bam, thank you, m'am" undertaking. It was like the producers were going down a checklist:

Introduce Jamie Sommers - check. Have her dating Rudy Wells - HUH?!? Show her catastrophic accident - check. Give her her bionics - check. Show her shocked reaction - check. Show her anger at what happened to her - check. Make her an OSI agent - check. Run closing credits - check.

Heck, they probably had ten minutes left over when they finished the list, which would explain the obligatory (for this day & age) bedroom scene. And that's indicative of how much the new writers care about the original show.

If they want to attract and hold those of us who were fans of the original as kids, why not acknowledge that history? Give this Bionic Woman a different name, have her learn that bionics have been around for over thirty years, and that Steve Austin and Jamie Sommers were the patriarch and matriarch of the cyborg community. Make it "Bionic Woman: The Next Generation". That would dovetail a lot better with Katie Sackhoff's character of "Bionic Woman Gone Bad".

Be bold. Be creative. Give hardcore BW fans something to sink their teeth into.

But no. All we have is, as another commenter coined, a "cookie-cutter" hybrid of other "super woman" genres of recent vintage. Basically, "BWINO" - Bionic Woman In Name Only.

I'll probably give it a chance for a while - if I remember it's on.

OK first things first..Michelle Ryan looks the part, seems likable and is attractive...however there is some depth missing in her performance. The premise is modern, or maybe typical is a better word, as this time around Jaime Sommers works as a bartender, yes a bartender. Gone is the high school teacher / tennis player. Maybe that was too 70's. Also gone are Rudy Wells and Oscar Goldman. However Rudy does have a cameo of sorts as Jaime's middle name is said to be Wells in the episode...Hmm maybe Rudy will show up. This Jaime takes care of her troublesome kid sister ( is there any other kind on these shows )is engaged and about to possibly marry her professor boyfriend and we find all this out within the first 10 minutes when....well here is where circumstances cause her to become, the Bionic Woman. Here is my problem with this version. Its dark, brooding, and comes across as Spiderman meets Alias meets X-Men. And half the show appears to be a night. Can I get some daylight please!!!! And the sister is an annoying addition and unnecessary. Another head scratcher is that after finding out what she is now...there wasn't much delving into her discovering and acceptance of her current state. The woman goes straight back to work serving drinks for god sakes like she just had a boob job and that was it and oh well back to work. Maybe this new Jaime is OK for the new generation but I don't find it appealing in its present incarnation. Maybe its the times we live in but almost every show I see on TV is dark, brooding and depressing. The bionic woman of the 70's was about adventure and action and a touch of tongue and cheek. This version is about violence, death, hit men, and dark depressing characters with ulterior motives. Yes there is action in it too but it all comes with all the extras above. Give me Lindsay and the fembots any day!!!! One good thing about this version I will say is they spruced up on how they show and deal with Jaime's speed. It doesn't come across silly or anything. Sadly Alias, aside from the superhuman strength, has already charted these waters of the beautiful babe with kickass fighting abilities. Been there done that. They should have just gone the way of an adventure/action show and maybe, just maybe...then again who knows...Dark , brooding, depressing seems to be the in thing these days.

This show seems a little too youth oriented as far as the lead character - and is just not too interesting. There is a great storyline here, but the show doesn't seem to be able to utilize it well enough to be fascinating and captivating.

The series is basically about an early twenty-something girl who is in a bad auto accident. She is reconstituted with bio-engineered enhancements and emerges with extraordinary abilities.

The only problem is that she's not very interesting to watch. There is no spark - the scenes often drag on without ever building suspense or intrigue -- or even any sci-fi appeal. Plus, the character is a little too young to be the sole focus for a general audience show. The music, as if too back this up, is what you typically get in teen dramas.

Unfortunately, there's not much to recommend here. Check it out if you're curious, but my suggestion is to pass on it.

Unless you took some hype for the show, the premiere was as good as you can get. Some of you make this sound worse then the "bionic dog" they had back in the old school. Oh but it's not. Watch it closely. Acting was good... to an extent. She was great but the babysitter job over the sister took a lot of time and might bring the drama to a halt, but the storyline itself shocked me. I was waiting for a disaster and now I want to see it run, well see her run.. AND thank god it's fast because if I heard that slow motion "speed and strength" sound fx I would of ripped my DVR from the wall. But overall, she is a beautiful actress with some nicely played attitude at the end which, if sticks, will guarantee a hit. I say give it a chance and it will be GREAT success. There is a lot of competition out there so they do need to slot it right. They can't run it during House, Hero's, Prison Break, or any other top drama (Don't forget Dexter!!!). Wow I waste a lot of time but helps me work at night since there is about 15 other shows too. But this one will make my list and time demands me to be a critic.