Blood & Guts

After seeing Christina DeRosa in Run! Bitch! Run!, I just had to see more. This was her first film with a credited role, and I would expect it be on the same level.

Now, this is a B movie, low budget horror movie that pokes fun of other slasher flicks. Don't expect great acting, fabulous sets, or anything but blood, zombies, and gratuitous nudity, and you won't be disappointed.

Nothing special.

Mindless entertainment.

Easily forgettable.

I have no idea how anyone can give this movie high marks. I didn't rent it thinking it was the next great horror flick, the next great horror spoof, or the next great low-budget horror spoof. Obviously, this isn't meant to scare, but one fatal flaw with the production entirely sapped the joy out of the viewing experience. The sound editing was horrible. I had to work the volume control the entire movie. You can imagine how difficult it is to get into something - even a low-budget spoof - when you're either turning the volume up or down, or trying to anticipate the next time you have to do so. The regular dialogue is very low, and all screams, noises, etc., are VERY loud. We're not talking about toggling between 5 and 7 on the volume control, finding a happy medium at 6. We're talking toggling between 2 and 9 on the volume where it is virtually impossible to leave the volume alone. Again, this movie might be a decent example of what it is meant to be, but you're going to be spending so much time adjusting your volume control that you'll never have the chance to enjoy it.

There is such a thing as parody and parody can be very bad and still be very good. There is such a thing as camp and camp can be very bad and still be very good. There is also such a thing as flat out bad - nothing can save flat out bad and this dreck could be submitted as definitive of flat out bad. Not scary, not funny, badly filmed, possibly the worst sound I have ever not been able to avoid hearing, This is the first 'movie' I have ever attempted to watch. Literally - this is the first movie I have ever started and then simply given up on. I made it through twenty minutes and realized there was simply no reason to go on with the movies and stopped watching lest I start believing there was no reason to go on with life. The people who have given this movie good reviews are either high or getting paid.

To illustrate just how low I will go (in several directions: Zardoz had moments of genius, Piranhaconda could be seen in certain lights as an act of cinematic wonder, any Chuck Norris movie features better acting, every youtube video ever features better filming, every Michael Bay film ever has featured better dialogue, Bad Taste featured genuinely funny gore.

Just don't.

Seeing the title of this movie "Stupid Teenagers Must Die" made me believe this was a spoof of some kind. I discovered later on the original title was "Blood and Guts". Both titles are misleading, though. This is not a spoof, neither a serious splatter movie. This is something in between, failing in both areas. A group of teenagers is attending a séance at a spooky house and then the killing starts. Sounds over familiar, doesn't it. Well, this movies adds nothing whatsoever to the endless stream of similar movies. And it is badly made. Because of the lack of light the entire film is grainy. Now this effect can be highly effective, but it isn't in this case. The young cast isn't acting too badly, but the director has no clue as what to do with actors. In numerous scenes the actors are clearly waiting for directions, but these are given too late. It could also be an editor's mistake, of course. The characters are unrealistic and the story line just stinks. The sound is terrible at times: conversations are undecipherable, but when talking loudly or screaming the actors are very loud indeed.

This is not the worst horror movie I have ever seen, but it still is a bad one. For me a 3 out of 10.

Horror movies are fairly unoriginal, predictable and lame at the best of times. This is even worse, being amateurish, badly acted and badly produced. The plot is close to non-existent it's so random and unfathomable.

Avoid.