Harpies

I had a feeling that Harpies would be bad, but this bad? No, I was not expecting that actually. Other than some novelty value and a somewhat enjoyably hammy performance from Scott Valentine, Harpies has no redeeming qualities and is one of SyFy's very worst. The film looks cheap for starters, with choppy editing, scenery that never feels authentic and lighting that doesn't add anything to the atmosphere. But even they are not as bad as the special effects for the harpies which are so shoddy and fake that you are laughing by how hysterically awful they are. The script is just as poor, with dialogue so cheesy that it would make the cheesiest cheeseburger bland and flat delivery. The story is incredibly dull and predictable, with nothing of real interest happening, and the action sequences are the most inept of any movie that I've seen. The direction is limp and unimaginative and the pacing is sluggish. The characters have no likability or life to them, you are annoyed by them and nothing is done to develop them that well. The acting is awful, Stephen Baldwin's lead performance is so lazy that you are wondering whether he's even acting at all. Overall, an absolute waste of time, in all honesty not in a while have I seen a movie this bad. 1/10 Bethany Cox

OK, just watched part of it as it is out on satellite tonight - it didn't go to the theatres at all I guess. It's quite ridiculous - done over the top cheesy on purpose - but it's not funny. Stupid script, lame acting and pathetic effects - it had a cheap porn quality to it. I can get that this was all done on purpose - but I don't get why. It wasn't good enough for a laugh. I imagine it was supposed to be a parody of something. Was this a stupid comic book that they are making fun of then? It does advertise as Stan Lee's Harpies. Do not go into this thinking of Spiderman quality in anyway. Massive waste of time - I didn't get through 20 minutes. Let me know if someone watches the whole thing - or if there was a point I was missing. Poor Baldwin. Poor Stan Lee.

It *is* always a bad omen when you find out something was produced by them. Have you ever wondered what Army of Darkness would have looked like without humor or fun, and if put together by no-talent hacks? I know, right, me neither, not for a second. Well, evidently, this is what would come out of such. I speak in hypothetical terms, since part of my coping with having watched this is telling myself that it doesn't really exist, that it was nothing more than a fever-induced nightmare(the movie itself as much as the idea of something like it actually having been made), as it is truly unbelievable. Baldwin, in a performance that simply must be the very low-point of his career(!), travels back in time without trying to, and finds medieval warriors willing to use their swords, that all hold the ability to harm without being seen penetrating flesh, provided Ash helps defeat the monsters that kill, mainly by virtue of hideous sounds and music(I'm afraid I cannot bring myself to think for a second that they meant it to be that awful) as well as being brought to life by effects so immensely poor that the beings don't need to tear out the eyes of the audience, as they will feel inclined to do so just from attempting to watch this. The acting is bad. The random accents... eugh. The dialog tries extremely hard at being clever, and fails utterly miserably. Any laughs this gets are unintentional ones. This underwent a massive surgery, to replace all possible original material with painful clichés, and the operation was a complete success. What's with the transitions? Did someone peer at a cut, and think that *that* was what was wrong? The editing in general ranges between average and below. At least one character is there purely to deliver exposition, and they didn't even try to cover it up. I don't know the extent of Stan Lee's involvement in this, however, as a big fan of several of his creations, I would say, even if you love his work, you can afford to stay far away from this one. I presume the sole reason Sam Raimi didn't sue the production is that he'd have to not only have seen it, but also admit to sitting through any of it. I recommend this only as fodder for MST3King, to anyone who enjoys doing so. 1/10

Cheap, third-rate ripoff of the great "Army of Darkness". Poorly acted by virtually everyone, although Scott Valentine is enjoyably hammy (at times) as the evil Vorian and Kristin Richardson is watchable as a pretty but feisty peasant girl. Shoddy special effects (including some glaringly obvious matte work), laughable script and limp direction are bad enough, but this stinker has some of the most inept action scenes since "Hercules Against the Moon Men" and a leading man (Stephen Baldwin) who's gained so much weight that when his "army" storms the castle, it's hard to tell which is Baldwin and which is the castle. The one-liners that are meant to be flip are both lame and unfunny (although one line when Baldwin is swinging a torch in a cave isn't too bad). Altogether, poor in all departments. You'll do much better renting or buying "Army of Darkness" instead of this 99-Cent Store version of it.

I admit not seeing all of the movie. I came home from Live Free or Die Hard (which was awesome!) and watched the last half of this. It had me literally laughing out loud, too bad it isn't a comedy. The good was Kristin Richardson, she could act and was easy on the eyes. The OK, Scott Valentine. I give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he was just over the top and cheesy on purpose to fit the tone of the film. Stephen Baldwin let his acting chops drop to the level of the surrounding cast, which was just terrible. You rarely get the whole cast to sound as if they can't remember their lines and are just reading them off a cheat sheet just off camera. Horrendous. The CG. Holy crap. This got the most,and biggest laughs out of me. Original Sci-Fi channel pics are not know for great CGI. But this is a new low. WOW, truly needs to be seen it to believe it. Probably the worst CGI I have ever seen. Avoid this even if you liked other made for Sci-fi channel movies, or tune in if you can't believe its the worst acting and CG maybe ever. But please quickly turn it off and save the brain cell or 2 you will burn out trying to figure out how it was green lit to go out to the public.