- [first lines]
- Suburban Man: Can I help you?
- John Logue: Hi, I'm John Logue with the Kerry campaign, and we just want to make sure we get all the voters out there. We have you listed as a strong-leaning Kerry household.
- Suburban Man: I'm voting for Bush.
- John Logue: You are? Sorry, no matter how many times people say that to me, I just can't get over it. It's like I don't have the enzymes to metabolize someone actually saying that to me.
- John Logue: If George Dubya Bush gets elected President for another four years, I swear, I promise on my life, that I will move to Canada!
- John Logue: Half the county is so stupid they voted for this evil, war-mongering, corrupt moron with Dick Cheney's hand up his ass. And the other half has this self-defeating inferiority complex that we nominated this wooden, unelectable opportunist.
- John Logue: I was just so excited to see what would happen to that look on Bush's face when he realized he was finished. You know, he's got that look, that... That kind of... Curious George getting a bad hand job.
- Hal: What about your promise?
- John Logue: What promise?
- Hal: Don't fucking play dumb.
- John Logue: Oh, they knew I wasn't serious.
- Hal: You swore on your life, John. You were on the news.
- John Logue: It was local.
- Hal: You swore on your life.
- John Logue: I'm not fucking moving to Canada, Hal.
- John Logue: My moving to Canada is a protest against the recently re-elected administration.
- Chloe Hamon: Why? Are you somebody I should know or something?
- John Logue: What do you mean?
- Chloe Hamon: I mean, who's gonna care if you move to Canada?
- John Logue: Well, you don't have to be a somebody to make a political statement. But, yeah, actually, the local news did a piece on me and I write a blog called the Donkey Revolution.
- John Logue: I'm going up there to make a political statement.
- Hal: Please. Did Gandhi go on a sex-fueled road trip with some little communist hottie to protest British occupation?
- John Logue: No.
- Hal: No. He fasted for weeks. Martin Luther King, did he desegregate the South by boning white women? I don't think so. He marched, he got spit on, he got attacked by dogs and honky policemen, and then he got shot. You're going on what I believe will be described by historians as a sex romp.
- John Logue: Mom, look, I'm in Oregon. It's hard to predict exactly when I'm going to arrive in Eastern Washington State, eight hours away. I will call you when I'm closer, okay?
- John Logue: Just me and a friend. And she has blue hair, and she might be a lesbian. I'm just gonna to tell you this now so you don't faint when you see her. Would you just tell Dad when you see her, so he doesn't...
- Chloe Hamon: Stop the car!
- John Logue: We're already here, okay? Relax, we'll talk about it when we get to the other side.
- Chloe Hamon: No, I can't talk about when I get to the other side, because I can't go to the other side.
- John Logue: Now, what is so godddam important? What?
- Chloe Hamon: I'm in the Army.
- John Logue: What about you and me?
- Chloe Hamon: Seriously?
- John Logue: Yeah.
- Chloe Hamon: "Politics makes strange bedfellows." I read that on the DonkeyRevolution.com