The English Harem

"Martine Mccutcheon, that cute Londoner, in three-in-a-bed romps with Art Malik and two other women? I'm there!" Yep, this was the advance publicity for this drama, that Tiffany from Eastenders would finally shed her inhibitions and join the ranks of those who had 'exposed' themselves on screen. Unfortunately for those who might have built their hopes up, the part in question is a dream sequence and lasts for all of five seconds. Oh, and all the participants are fully clothed. So you can open the curtains now, and put away the Vaseline, as you won't be needing it. Never mind..

To get to the main thrust of the plot.. Martine plays Tracy Pringle, a frustrated checkout girl who has dreams of living in the Far East. Sacked for being inattentive, she looks for another job and soon ends up as a waitress at an Persian restaurant owned by Iraqi Sam (Art Malik) and his two wives. At first, things are a bit strained between the couple but, encouraged by Sam's wives, a bond starts to develop between them.. Ultimately leading to marriage and becoming the third member of the harem. Sadly, Tracy's parents and her racist ex-boyfriend aren't exactly thrilled at the news, and scheme to win her back. Can love conquer all??

Based on a book, the plot of this sounds absolutely fascinating and, combined with the heavy trailering around the festive period, almost certainly has made it a Christmas hit. The treatment however, is nothing short of conventional, as the characters have all the depth of those in a soap opera. Key among these is Tracy's ex-partner, who has no distinguishing traits other than the ability to act like a complete bigoted idiot. It is very difficult to muster much interest in such boring people, and what started out as a fascinating expose of culture clashes quickly turns into a predictable melodrama as Sam meets with a nasty accident, and Tracy must save his children from an overzealous social worker. Special mention must also go to the ending, which manages to be stupid, implausible and insulting all at the same time. On the bright side, Martine's Cockney charm shines though, and the two other members of the harem are certainly hotties. Perhaps if things don't pick up for them career-wise, they will consider starring in something along the lines of the first paragraph. Now that really would be worth waiting for.. 4/10

How do you make polygamy within Islamic relationships in Britain appear socially acceptable? Easy. Art Malik.

Or so it should be... However, it doesn't work like that. This movie is about as subtle as a blow from a sledgehammer. It proceeds on the assumption that all it would take to make the abhorrent appear palatable is for an Oriental-looking gentleman, evidently monied, with an upper- class English accent, to open doors for ladies at the right moment.

It also tries to pull off some neat tricks, including having the working classes quaffing champagne at the gentrification of London, and the demolition of a housing block! It all seems to work out. It turns out, all the viewer needs to be 'educated' about is that everyone who resisted the encroachment of the 'new' ways (polygamy, being forced out of one's own neighbourhood, etc.) is simply backward, and needs to accept the Brave New World.

Bravo, Art Malik! Supremely patronising, politicised nonsense.

hi i absolutely love good movies, dramas and soaps. whilst on the internet looking at a website i seen something about the English Harem. seeing that Art Malik was in it made me really want to watch it. when it finally aired on our screens i was so happy because i hadn't seen Art on TV since he left Holby City. as sat for two hours watching this it made me realise that some people can be very racist and not appreciate other religious views (e.g Sam being allowed up to 4 wives.) Art and Martine played their roles brilliantly and with passion that shows what good actors they really are and i wish them all the best in what ever they do next.

Emma Crowe

It was a lovely movie, i have never seen any one addressing an Islamic subject any better. It rightly expresses the true spirit of Islam the way it is seen and practised by the Muslims.

it showed the Iranina culture and dresses and showed the difference of the delicate nature of the Iranian culture and the roughness of the English daily life. At the same time it showed that once a person breaks into the English social circles then they get accepted.

This film gives a positive image of Islam at a time when all you hear about Islam is negative. This movies is an excellent guide to understand problems faced by other faiths and the power of mutual respect and co existence

(This film was broadcast at 9pm on 27/12/05 on ITV1) At a time when hostility and prejudice towards Muslims and Islam is at an all time high I was frankly appalled by such a film being given air time, in fact prime time, on a mainstream television channel. This programme is utterly ridiculous in nature, bears no resemblance to the lives of normal practising Muslims and is full of untruths and sensationalism. Exactly what sort of audience ITV wants to entertain with this I am not sure... the BNP perhaps? It is obvious that the producers of this show have no real understanding of Islam and the many millions of people in Britian and around the world who practise it. It is also obvious that no attempt was made to even research the subject. Even in the most biased of news reports or the most right wing tabloids it is hard to find misrepresentation of Muslims matching this level. The star character, while claiming to be Muslim, doesn't pray, drinks alcohol, practises group sex - as was on more than one occasion implied, and is strictly "haram" (forbidden) in Islam - while his wives seem to be portrayed as little more than sex objects. Polygamous marriages, while not the culture in the west and obviously controversial, are rarely undertaken by practising Muslims and, when they are, are NOT done purely for physical gratification but for a number of more socially important reasons (usually involving children, financial support of women, etc). The show deliberately takes a complex issue and twists it for the purpose of sensationalism. The theme of society being prejudiced toward the family is a very thin veil for a programme that does nothing but promote such prejudice. If this drama had not been so inflammatory I would wonder why it was even on television, let alone in a prime slot... the plot and dialogue are laughable, the characters pure two-dimensional clichés. It smells like a dodgy low-budget B film, produced quickly just to fill a bit of free space, yet takes a 9pm slot in a Christmas period.