Dangerous Men

Imagine if you will,: you've created an AI with the intelligence quotient of a sea cucumber. You make it read an aileen wuornos biography 10 times, you make it watch tarantino films for hours, and then you reprogram it to be even dumber than a sea cucumber. Next, you ask it to create a film based on its informational diet. That film is Dangerous Men. Its bad in every way possible. The story is ultra bad. The writing and acting is quite awful. The fight choreography is almost as hard to watch as the attempted SA scenes. The music will give you whiplash. It doesn't get much worse than this in terms of ineptitude, and i feel bad that someone put 20+ years of their life into this mess.

This is one of the worst films I have seen. Not good. Not "bad good." Not "so bad it's good." Just bad. Not quite as bad as The Creeping Terror, Monster-A-Go-Go or The Guy From Harlem, but right up there as one of the premiere entries in the hall of amateurishness.

Unlike in something like Samurai Cop, which has a light tone and jokes in spite of (or more accurately, probably because of) its status as a low budget Lethal Weapon ripoff, Dangerous Men doesn't have any intentional humor (except for maybe the naked guy covering himself up with tree branches) and is trying to be the next Death Wish. Only it fails so miserably on all accounts, it makes Ed Wood look like David Lean.

There is really nothing to recommend it. The writing and directing are horrible. The actors are all painful to look at. Segments shot 20 years apart mean suddenly we're back in 1982, oops no wait, we jumped forward again. The story construction is abysmal and makes no sense, since segments shot decades apart were attempted to be stitched together into a single story (hackmeister Al Adamson was famous for doing this, but at least his movies weren't shot 20 years apart!). The sex scenes are not sexy. And that MUSIC! Not since Mesa of Lost Women has there been a more repetitive, annoying soundtrack. At least that wasn't composed on a Casio keyboard bought on lay-away from Sam Ash Music, like this piece of tripe.

When you're treated to an opening credit sequence promising one person as writer, producer, director, editor, composer, art director and costume designer (at least he didn't make himself the lead actor), you know you're in for trouble. I didn't heed the warning, and I paid the price. Please heed my warning. Unless you are the most masochistic consumer of z-grade film atrocities imaginable, please stay away from DANGEROUS MEN.

This isn't one of those fun bad movies, it's just bad. BUT, it's bad in a way that you can't look away from. Almost no internal logic, time shifting, nonsensical editing changes and a plot that shifts completely 2/3's of the way through. It's like an alien tried to make a movie and failed miserably. See it, but only with people of like minds.

The beginning of this movie & the end do not correspond. Everything in between is not better. Horrible & awful. Stupid & dumb. Awful dialogue. The WORST musical score in any movie EVER! Every bad guy for unknown reasons all want to assault every strange woman. This is a example of how NOT TO MAKE A MOVIE. Zero story. Badly acted. Watch this drunk or at a party.

What is to be said about the movie that would make Ed Wood vomit with rage? This film did not just blindside me, it actually blinded me. The "Dangerous Men" poster boasts itself as an "Unforgettable Suspense, Mystery Drama" (yes "mystery drama" what is it about!?) with pictures of actors who do not occupy more than 20 minutes of screen time! Over half the names of the actors and crew (when not credited to John Rad) are pseudonyms which means this film is fortunate to house or cage such great talent as Melody Wiggins, Paul Arnold, Honey Goldberg, Hunter Person, Gil Gex, Elle Squadrito, and the prestigious Lawrence McNeal III to name too many. People this film is literally inches away from being "Deep Throat" at least thank god it limps out before it can even get that far. Okay bare with me... Filming began in 1985 only to be shut down because of lack of funding or too many actor/actress suicides (we should at least assume so) then in 1995 to be refinanced and reshot in a desperate attempt to resolve the "story" with different characters of no logical connection! Filled with belly button fetishes, nonsensical storytelling and repetitious music that would upstages its pornographic mentors "Dangerous Men" is by far the worst film I have ever seen and trust me, I LOVE "The Room" but Jesus Christ there is only so far a man can go. I've seen it three times to prove to my friends that such a film exists and have vowed never to go again. I mean it. It hurts. I am not writing this review to praise but rather to WARN. Stay away! Trust me. This movie is good for a laugh but really at what cost?