Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet

Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is the story of alien anthropologists come to Earth in it's primitive past to study prehistoric lesbian societies. It's soft-core porn so I can live without a plot, that isn't my gripe... it's everything else: the girls aren't attractive (they range from 3-5 on a scale to 10), the fake sex isn't titillating and the costumes look like someone ripped up a jungle print bed sheet.

The fake sex is so fake it's laughable. We watch a tedious 5 minutes of a cavegirl licking another cavegirl's breast, another tedious 5 minutes of cavegirl grinding another cavegirl's face into her lower stomach (it's supposed to be oral sex), more tedious minutes watching a cavegirl jabbing a fake bone under a cavegirl's left butt cheek while said girl lays with her legs open (bone dildo sex I guess). And worst of all, even the kissing is fake with the girls occasionally touching tongue tips and maybe bumping lips.

Maybe I'm radical here but why bother doing a movie like this with fake sex. Hire some real porn stars and edit the sex content down to where you want it; it might be lame still, but at least it would be real.

This flick here is one that people do search so therefore I will review another Tina Krause flick that not that many people has seen. Chloroformed And Cloned Co-Ed. It is out on shock-o-rama VHS and is OOP and very obscure. It's just a piece of trash with really bad acting but what makes it collectible is the fact that Tina Krause is in it, known for her nudity and that is what she does here. From the first minute until the last minute she is walking around with her juggs to show. Only a few times she goes full frontal. The tape I received didn't had any year on it it was made and there's nothing to find on the Web.

The story goes that Suzy Johnson (Tina Krause) and her boyfriend are adding some new kicks towards there sexlife. But Suzy ends up dead after an experiment with chloroform and electrocution. A deranged medical student clones Suzy 16 times. But they all escape and enters a house with a German butcher who only likes to violate them. The story looks promising but it all looks like a spoof. Bad bad acting and only the juggs of Tina are acting better than the thespians themselves. It's ultra low budget, just look at the electrocution scene, the light goes out and back on and it repeats but you can easily hear that someone is playing with the switch.

Total crap but collectible due a few reasons, first, Tina Krause, but also in the acting is John Bacchus who went further to direct a lot of erotic spoofs and flicks. Maybe the best known Play-mate Of The Apes (2002). Alan Spence just turned up one more time as cinematographer in The Vampire's Seduction (1998). Joe Ned aalso went further as writer and producer in the erotic business. G.W Lawrence was also involved but can't say if it was him as seen in Play Dead (1998)?

If you want to see early shock-o-rama's just before Misty Mundae became involved, also seen a lot together with Tina Krause then it's a hunt worthy. Give it 2 on 10

Gore 0/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 0/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

By all that is unholy, this was so bad it was literally painful to watch. But I suppose with a personal digital video camera and some willing performers (not actors, as the acting here was just heinous), then you can make a video.

The story was unbelievably stupid. Some scientists were traveling to a planet to study lesbian Neanderthals. Right, well let's just see what went wrong here. First of all, the CGI for the spaceship and outer space was just abysmal and looked like something from a computer game back in the 1990's. And the dinosaurs, are you kidding me? I have never seen anything that bad.

As for the Neanderthals themselves, right, well I didn't know that those primitives had silver rings, pierced ears with jewelry in them, and factory cut and sewn panties. Not to mention painstakingly obviously dyed hair colors.

Everything just screams bad here. This isn't just low budget, it is far beyond that. Yeah, this is meant as soft core porn, I get that, but come on; there is bad and then there is this! There is no acting in the video at all - notice how I don't use the term movie, because this just doesn't qualify as that - and it is all just about showing off women getting busy with one another. And it seems like this would be something that should have been aired late, late at night on a scrambled and obscure TV channel.

"Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet" is just not worth the time or effort.

Thos was one you qont forget soon check it out. Great line up. Misty and Tina amazing as always.

In spite of the 2005 date, this enter is much older. I do not know this for a fact but the fact that Tina Krause, billed in it as Mia Copia, should attest to that fact. Unlike what my moronic brother from Canada stated about this film, it has very little plot but if you are watching it for plot, then there is something wrong with you. Notable in this film is Ruby Larocca, not for her acting but because she is naked a lot in this featurette. Misty Mundae and Tiger Lilly float around with no purpose except to do Ruby Larocca. Tina Krause also adds her charms but not as much as Ruby Larocca does. All the actresses are naked in full frontal fashion and bump and grind a lot throughout the hour. Not Shakespeare but why would you expect it to be.