Serpentes a Bordo

From the director who bought you the worst Final Destination movie, Snakes on a Plane is an exploitation flick that knows exactly what it wants to do and gets the job done expertly. It's not perfect and doesn't have to be, coupled with Samuel L. Jackson in tow; Jackson makes this movie far more than the disposable B-movie it was initially conceived as. He bestrides Snakes on a Plane with the authority of someone who knows the value of what he's appearing in with that signature fierce glimmer in his eye. Ridiculous in every sense of the word, Snakes on a Plane is nothing if not a riot with a few friends or after having down a couple of beers, yes it's stupid and yes it can be pretty sleep-inducing, but who honestly cares when it more than lives up to its title.

I'm confident that "Snakes on a Plane" will prove once and for all that Internet culture and mainstream culture are not one and the same.

Because, my friends, the Internet will tell you that SOAP (as those in the know call it) is a classic film - the best "bad movie" ever made. But I think any more sensible member of the general public will tell you that SOAP is nothing more than a mildly competent action movie. It's not hysterically funny. It's not scary. It's occasionally exciting. And it sure ain't a "10" on the IMDb scale.

Don't misunderstand me; I had fun watching the movie. I was even willing to be generous, until I saw the outrageously high rating on this site and all the strangely gushing reviews. Frankly, I'm a bit astonished. Why heap such praise on this particular film? If you love camp, over-the-top action movies, then why not worship a camp action film that's actually good? ("Wrath of Khan" springs to mind - also "Batman.")

The truth is that parts of SOAP are pretty lame. Samuel L. Jackson is good, but his role is weirdly small. And, aside from his one power catchphrase, most of his dialog is banal and dull. The rest of the actors aren't even worth commenting on, since they're stuck with stock and boring "funny" characters.

Speaking of dull, how many different ways can snakes really kill someone? They hiss...they lunge...they bite...over and over and over again. It's not particularly cinematic. And most of them are fake CGI anyway, so they're not even remotely frightening.

Face it, the only reason to see this is because it's camp and bad. It's part of the whole culture of worshiping lame junk that's prevalent right now. It's hip to like terrible garage bands and lame movies because people are either too impatient, or too unsophisticated, to take the time to absorb entertainment that's actually artistic. So we watch and listen to junk, and imagine that we're superior to it, and that makes us feel good. Apparently.

Is there anything wrong with liking junk? Not really - I review and praise junk on this site all the time. But putting junk on a pedestal? That's very, very wrong.

Sermon over.

"Snakes on a Plane" is a movie that practically reviews itself. The concept is the pitch, and the pitch is the movie. Snakes, a plane, and Samuel L. Jackson. Simple as that. The problem? The execution doesnt live up to the hype.

The film is far too restrained. It doesnt lean into its campy premise enough to be hilarious, nor does it crank up the tension to become a proper thriller. The movie sticks to a pretty safe formula. Predictable kills, mediocre effects, and a thunderstorm because of course theres a thunderstorm.

"Snakes on a Plane" is definitely best enjoyed in a packed theater, watching it solo on the couch? Not the same vibe.

A lot of people on IMDb have given Snakes on a Plane a 10/10 rating and left comments like "omg this is best movie ever lol." Unfortunately, most of these people had come to this conclusion before seeing the movie, and are still high on the Internet hype that built the movie up to be something it's not.

I guess there's no real point to writing a review of Snakes On A Plane. With a title like that, you've already made up your mind about if you want to see it. But keep this in mind...

Snakes On A Plane isn't a comedy movie. It isn't a horribly cheesy or bad (intentionally or not) movie, either, or one that's "so bad it's good," which is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot in SOAP discussions. Also, the movie's not all about Samuel L. Jackson being a badass or swearing a lot, although it happens. Snakes On A Plane is a entertaining mid-grade thriller movie that pretty much delivers what you'd expect from a Hollywood movie about snakes on an airplane. No more, no less.

Don't see this movie if you're expecting to constantly laugh at Samuel L. Jackson showing off how cool he is. There are plenty of moments where Sam kicks ass and gives some great one-liners and does amusing things, but he is offscreen just as often as he is on it.

Snakes On A Plane isn't the best movie of the year. It's not the funniest movie of the year or the scariest, but it is a good movie if you're looking for mindless fun involving a lot of snakes on an airplane, some gratuitous gore and nudity, and a few great Samuel L. Jackson moments, check it out.

The best review of the film portion of this movie is from the Onion AV Club. It sums up Sam Jackson's performance as "done on his lunchbreak while filming a lesser degrading film". And yet, he's the best dang part of the whole thing. What this movie needed was more of him vs. the Snakes which never reaches the insanity of a "Dead Alive" and instead fizzles out in one of the lamer endings in recent cinemadom. You get snakes, on a plane. And some great B- horror moments that'll make you laugh, but this is not a cult classic. Despite people's want for a cult classic here, it's far too normal for that. Instead check out the aforementioned "Dead alive" (aka Brain Dead) or Tsui Hark's hilariously straight "Knock Off" with Van Damm & Rob Schneider. THOSE were bad good flicks this is one is just ho-hum.

On the other hand, the audience is hot for Snakes. As stephanie from salon.com says, if you're going to see Snakes, do so now with the packed evening screenings. People throwing rubber snakes, reciting sam's line and making hissing noises throughout makes for theme park ride levels of fun.