Haunting Desires

I set the VCR timer for this movie. which was being shown in the wee, wee small hours of the morning, on Cinemax; well past my bedtime, anyway. The title intrigued me, and so did the brief description, outlining the plot. Okay, so I just viewed the tape - in broad daylight - NOT that there were any scares, or anything. The "plot" of the film (flimsy as it is) takes up about 5 minutes of running time. The other 85 minutes is soft core porn: male-on-female, female (lezbo action!) on female and male on multiple females. It's standard cable fare, LOTS of writhing but NO penetration. Hardcore porn star, Evan Stone (who looks like a cross between Fabio and Skid Row lead singer, Sebastian Bach), plays "Adrian," a 2,000 year old vampire. Unfortunately, he speaks in a soft whisper, making it hard (something the movie fails to do!) to understand him. Maybe if the producers of this flick had had the resources ($$$), they could've gotten horror movie veteran, Christopher Lee, to dub Evan's lines. As it is, it looks like they had a $1.98 budget. Anyway, the lead actress, Beverly Lynne, is H-O-T!! With her spiky blonde hair, she reminded me of a young Lorrie Morgan. You Country music fans KNOW who I'm talking about! The other babes in the movie are pretty hot, too, especially the busty brunette vampire who figures in the film's "twist" ending. I place sarcastic quotation marks around the word twist, because the denouement can be seen a mile away.

There you have it: cheesy plot, cheesy dialogue, tepid acting, lazy direction, lame vampire villain and sort of makes it wiggle in your pants soft core sex. It's too bad they didn't make a hardcore version of this movie; I just might've purchased the DVD. Bottom line, I give this film a 4 out of a possible 10, JUST because of Beverly Lynne's sterling presence. Otherwise, I'd rate it a 2.

13 October 2017. Beverly Lynne and Evan Stone almost carry this campy horror movie but is letdown by a stodgy script and a less than courageous attempt to really portray the special attraction of the vampire's seductive myth. What's special about Lynne's performance is her ability to take the B-rated dialogue and turn in a relatively cool performance with her use of acting, body movements, verbalization of the scripted lines that captures the exact nature of the stereotypical inflection of her character, Lynne actual becomes the two-dimensional character on screen with no artificiality.

There are plenty of dead spots with a lot of nothing particularly happening. The erotic excitement is spotty and the director and scriptwriter never go far enough to let Lynne really squeeze the R-rating factor for all its worth. Her scenes however are memorable except for a rather horrendous typical B-movie ending. This movie had potential to capture that rare element of horrific seductive appealing pleasure but ends up only wetting one's appetite of what could have been.

HAUNTING DESIRES (2 outta 5 stars) I don't even know why they bother with these "softcore" things. People who are into porn don't like them because they don't "show anything" and people are *aren't* into porn are going to be bored out of their minds. No stars, bad acting, bad dialogue, cheap sets and costumes and a bunch of writhing, naked bodies (with no reproductive organs in sight) every ten minutes. In any case... I *did* find some entertainment value in this... the movie is actually one of those rare flicks that is *so* bad that it's actually funny. The ending especially is a hoot! Cheesy special effects mixed with a jaw-droppingly ridiculous plot twist! Spunky newspaper columnist teams up with a grumpy detective to solve a series of vampire murders linked to a late night sex club. The lead male characters' performances are so awful that you'll be shaking your head in amazement. Detective Trout (Jay Richardson) resembles comedian Jay Thomas with all the talent bled out of him. Checking his bio on IMDb you will discover that this is far from his first movie... he's been in dozens! How does someone this bad keep getting work? I mean, he must be cheap... but still! The dude playing the "seductive" vampire leader (Evan Stone) looks like a cross between Fabio and Quentin Tarantino... and he speaks his lines in a garbled whisper so that you can never tell what the heck he is actually saying. That's just as well since all the dialogue form this movie seems to be stolen from other, better movies and TV shows. Lead "actress" Beverly Lynn is actually pretty good compared to most actresses in these kinds of movies... plus she's easy on the eyes, even in the scenes where she's clothed. She'd probably stick out like a sore thumb in a movie with real actors but, for what it's worth, she does a good job here.

After a series of strange deaths grabs her attention, a woman decides to investigate the deaths and lead back to a nightclub used by a group of vampires as cover for their victims.

As far as softcore horror/erotica goes, this wasn't as bad as some of the other films so it's not really that, though it certainly would've helped if the women were at the least attractive (the only one that was really the least bit sexy had the shortest role as a hooker in one brief scene, and the one who gets naked the most has the body of a 10-year-old boy with a boy-ish hairstyle as well) so that really works against this one. It could've worked nicely as a straight horror though as there's something about the set-up in the nightclub and how it's worked, just the sex is a little more extreme than normal yet still easily in the realm of Softcore so it's not all that bad of an entry. There's certainly worse ones out there of this kind.

Rated Unrated/NC-17: Continuous softcore-style sex, Full Nudity, Language and Violence.

Whenever I watch a porno I'm used to seeing good looking guys and hot women. Well when I turned on my Dirrect TV sat box and saw that show I read the description and it looked good. It said that a woman falls for a vampire so I was possibly thinking something along the lines of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Boy was I freaking wrong. There was a hot woman in it. But the guy looked like the Ass End of a dolphin I mean this guy looks more like he would be good at working in the meat department of your local grocery store. Than there was a old man. YOU NEVER HAVE A OLD MAN IN A PORNO ITS LIKE A BIG NO NO. This movie was a joke from the opening credits to the very end all I can say is that they got it right when they picked the lead actress. She ain't no Nikki Fritz, Jenna Jameson or Brinna Banks but she gets the job done. My vote for this movie?

1/10