O Impiedoso Assassino

This movie is an absolute must-see for fans of cheesy martial arts. If you're already familiar with classics such as 'Mafia vs. Ninja' and/or 'The Super Ninja' and/or 'Ninja U.S.A.' and/or 'Ninja: The Final Duel', then this is for you! I guarantee you will love it as much as the other movies! Both Alexander Lou and Eugene Thomas are back in this buddy-movie somewhat reminiscent of 'The Super Ninja', and the bad guy called 'Lucifer' is hilarious, I'm pretty sure he's the same villain as in 'Ninja U.S.A.', think his name is George Nicholas, but both he and Thomas are not credited (I presume they got aliases for this movie for some reason or other, since 3 of the 5 the top-listed names like "Stuart Hugh", "Timothy Johnson" and "Edward Douglas" have no other movies listed other than this one).

The plot: A young boy (Alexander Lou) called Brian witnesses his father being killed in a very violent manner, and then a black cop called Tyler saves him from getting the same fate. Then, many years later Brian has joined an evil Ninja-assassin squad lead by Lucifer (He is evil, in case you couldn't tell, but with that name, how can he not be evil?) - Lucifer tells Brian to kill Tyler or they will slice his pregnant wife's belly in pieces with a chainsaw. I won't spoil what then happens, but it's has hilarious results. Then later, he gets kicked out of the ninja-assassin squad, and he meets another black man called Eddie, who starts a fight with a bunch of 'Honkeys' and persuades Brian to become his friend. When ninjas attack Brian, he helps him out, and they become buddies. They escape many attempts on their lives, and they eliminate at least a dozen white ninjas. They keep fighting ninjas non-stop until the ending climax where they finally raid Lucifer's evil mansion, again with hilarious results.

Oh yeah, in the mansion he falls in love with Lucifer's blonde girlfriend, and meets his Ninja Master in the basement. We can't have a ninja-movie without blonde women and Ninja Masters. The place where this is supposedly taking place seems to be somewhere in Hong Kong, but there's hardly any Asian people present, and most of the ninja-assassins are white people, so it's kinda confusing, but that just adds to the fun.

One of the greatest things in this movie, are Alexander's many changing hairstyles during the movie, and at one point, the bad guys knock him out unconscious, and when he wakes up, he has bandages on his head. The bad guys then tell him that they want him dead, but why did they put bandages on him first?? No explanation is given to this mystery, and in the next scene, the bandages are all gone, and he hasn't got as much as one single scratch where they had been. Fantastic.

And in another scene, we see some policemen acting really tough, and Tyler's boss yells at him, but they're both so bad at acting, that their lines look like they're being read directly from the script, which Tyler is probably holding in his hand! (It's supposed to look like a file-case, but he looks down on it before every line!) During the final battle, Eugene Thomas changes outfits from looking like Mr. T to looking like the black Crocodile Dundee, it was superb!

I laughed so hard during the final battle that my face was hurting in painful grimacing, and my eyes ran with tears! These kind of movies are a LOT better than the present day 'comedies', and if you don't get the humor in this movie, then I feel sorry for you. I give this movie 10/10 no doubt! But remember, this isn't 'Citizen Kane' or 'Schindler's List', take it for what it is. Look for all the super-fast speed scenes, and the reversed shots to make the action look unbelievable, that's what great film-making is all about!

P.S: This is best if watched with a bunch of friends who share the same fascination with cheesy martial arts movies from Hong Kong, but I'm sure it can be enjoyed if you're alone too, although it might make you insane. Proceed with caution, or you might think there will be ninja's popping out of the ground or fly down from the trees if you walk outside.

Bat-shit crazy is quite possibly the best description I can give for Ninja Condors!

With lightning fast editing (that doesn't always make sense), over-the-top ninja action and fight scenes, and a schizophrenic storyline that leaves you wondering 'why?' - Ninja Condors is clearly all about the ninjas, the martial arts, and the unintentional laughs.

From the same team behind The Super Ninja (Killers Invincible) of which I think is the better film, this 80's ninja flick should not be taken seriously by any means. I'm a huge fan of Alexander Lo Rei, the unsung hero of HK action cinema - and I'm a huge fan of 80's ninja movies, so anything that includes the both of them should be awesome! Should be...

Even in all its widescreen glory, Ninja Condors shows a lack of budget through its video-quality print, and has a director that doesn't really get how important the editing really is. Mind you, its 1987 and the fans just want ninja action. And with that, the film certainly delivers. From the brutal opening death scene of Brian's (Lo Rei) father - playing out like a modern take on the infamous body splitting scene in the Shaw Brothers classic, The Heroic Ones - to fights in a shipping dock, police station, carousel and ice-rink! Yes, you read that right... No one kills ninjas on a carousel like Alexander Lo Rei, or fights with such grace and power on ice like this poor-man's Donnie Yen!

In fact, the fight scenes are so many and so random throughout, you lose count of just how many times he actually gets attacked, fights and rescues over the course of the 91 minutes.

A highlight for me is his 2 co-stars who come in the shape of George Nicholas (of Sakura Killers fame) who was also his adversary Tyger mcPherson, in the awesome Ninja USA - and the always enjoyable Eugene Thomas...

Thomas appeared with Lo Rei in a number of flicks such as this, Ninja USA and The Super Ninja as well as one of my all time favourites, Lucky Seven, to name but a few. While Nicholas always plays well and pulls off the role to suit, its always Eugene Thomas for me that steals the show with his crazy costumes, over-acting, and incredible martial arts moves. I wish he and Lo Rei had made so much more together as they really do work well as a team.

Ninja Condors plays like something the guys on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 would love to get their hands on! While far from perfect, it still offers plenty of entertainment with its non-stop ninja action, hilarity, and of course, the fantastic Alexander Lo Rei.

Overall: Don't expect Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon but still entertaining for other reasons!