Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

I first heard of this film courtesy of comedian Patton Oswalt who mentions it in one of his hilarious comedy albums. First off let me say that I consider myself a bad movie connoisseur having sat through my fair share and being a huge fan of things like Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic that showcase and make fun of bad movies...

So I ordered Death Bed on Netflix. I have to say the movie is almost exactly like I suspected it would be. I had a hunch, this being a 70s movie, that there would be some nudity and indeed most of the women in the film are naked at one time or another. The movie is slow, tedious and weird but it delivers EXACTLY what the title says, a bed that eats.

The bed does eat. It eats a wide array of things, not just people. This is the sort of "SO BAD IT'S GOOD" cult classic that comes around once in a lifetime. Much like the equally so bad its awesome Manos: The Hands of Fate except this one makes a little more sense and does deliver some decent gore...

All in all I can't say that I'm disappointed, though the movie was by no means good... I'm having trouble rating it out of 10, it's just too darn weird to give a numeric rating to. I recommend it to anyone who wants to see a 100% unique movie. They don't make em like this anymore... in fact they NEVER did.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

** (out of 4)

Hear me out. A bed that is possessed by a demon eats anyone who gets on it.

Yes, that's pretty much the story of this film, which was written and directed by George Barry. This one filmed turned out to be the only film Barry ever did and it's certainly unlike anything else out there. I've read several reviews about this film including a few in books that discussed the worst movies ever made. I also read about it in Stephen Thrower's Nightmare USA where it was given a different point of view. Personally speaking, I can see why some would call it one of the worst movies ever made but at the same time you have to admit that the film is original and it does contain some fresh ideas.

DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS is a very strange and surreal movie. There's a certain European feel that hangs over it and there's no question that it has a certain atmosphere that is hard to explain. The entire idea of a movie about a bed that eats people is ridiculous but at the same time how many times do you watch a horror movie and then bash it for being the same old thing that we've seen countless times? You really can't say that about this movie because it is original and there's nothing else like it.

Obviously when you're dealing with a movie about an eating bed, there's not too much that can be done in regards to a story. There's very little plot here and the majority of the running time are just short vignettes that have a variety of people show up at this castle, sit on the bed and get pulled in. The special effects certainly aren't anything great with the "bubbles" coming up and then we get a cut-away of the people inside the bed. The visual images of "inside the bed" are decent for what they are.

The performances are pretty much what you'd expect out of a low-budget exploitation movie. There's some decent blood throughout as well as some nudity so the director at least knew how to build up the movie. I'm not sure if it was accidental or not but I did find stuff here to enjoy. It's certainly a very weird movie but I thought it was at least mildly entertaining.

This is a very odd movie. From what I gather, a demon becomes infatuated with a woman and somehow magically conjures up a bed for him to satisfy his carnal desires with her. But the woman dies and that causes some blood to fall upon the bed and suddenly come to life--with a desire to devour any human who sleeps upon it. I guess it's what beds that are conjured by demons do. Anyway, in order to eat a person the bed secrets some type of yellow fluid (which I suppose is an acid of some sort) and essentially engulfs the person. However, there are a couple of people who apparently intrigue the bed so much that it behaves very differently toward them. For starters, there is an artist who painted a portrait of it and because of that he has been trapped behind the painting overlooking the bed. His comments are then given freely during the movie to clue the viewer in to what is going on. Trust me, they are definitely needed. Likewise, there is a woman who has eyes that resemble the woman the demon lusted after and as a result the bed is initially scared of her and bleeds inside whenever she is around. At least initially. Now, if the plot wasn't weird enough, the characters are pretty dumb too as they don't seem to say-or think-very much. They basically see a bed in the middle of nowhere and want to sleep on it. Naturally, they get eaten and in some cases flowers grow on the ground outside of the building where the bed is located. I'm not sure why but perhaps it has something to do with Newtonian physics. Or maybe not. In any case, like I said earlier, this is a weird movie and because of that I recommend it only for those who either like bad films for some odd reason or have plenty of beer (or other type of alcoholic beverages) on hand. Failing either of these conditions you might want to skip this particular film all together. Below average.

Exactly what one would expect from a title like that, 'Death Bed: The Bed That Eats' focuses on a possessed bed at an outskirts cottage that dissolves and eventually consumes anyone unfortunate enough to sit or lie on it for extended periods. Considering the noticeably low budget, the special effects are surprisingly decent and the film comes with the odd artistic touch or two, such as a great shot of one victim's dripping blood extinguishing a candle beside the bed. The film also features a lot of uncanny elements throughout, not all of which necessarily gel well. More bizarre than anything the evil bed does (or anything its victims do to futilely stop themselves being eaten) is the poetic voice-over narration throughout, delivered by one of the bed's victims, trapped behind a painting in the room. His eloquent narration is not necessarily a detractor, but it is certainly very, very weird in a possessed inanimate object movie like this. The film's most significant drawback is the acting with the precredits couple in particular offering amateurish turns. If one can get over the second rate acting, strange voice-over narration and such oddities as the bed being spliced into old newsreel footage (!), this is an undeniably unique horror film, and one that - at the very least - manages to makes its possessed object seem sinister without the need to talk or move.

I'm not sure what I can add that hasn't already been said in some of these other fine, and quite hilarious, comments, but Ill try.

So you know the plot: there is a bed possessed by a demon that "absorbs" and selectively disintegrates the bodies of whoever (or whatever) lays on it with its orange soda-filled body. We have the man, in some scenes looking uncannily like Robert Smith of The Cure, hanging out inside the wall commenting on the goings-on, and we have our various victims that just cant resist the comfort of this mystical bed.

This is no ordinary bed. No sirree Bob! Not only does it eat people, but it cleans up after itself, draws the covers back, and it even makes itself. Who wouldn't want a bed like that? It can even use its sheets as a rudimentary "lasso" to wrangle escaped victims back in (especially if they're taking up half the length of the film to try and escape).

Our "main" story (if you can call it that), is about these three girls who go out to this remote area to house-sit(??). I don't recall exactly, but it doesn't really matter though as there are plenty of things that defy convention that you just have to give in and accept. The dialogue in the film is like no other; the characters talk to each other seemingly by telepathy as their mouths never seem to move and there is a constant echo. One of our girls believes she isn't liked by the rest of "the gang" and makes sure to tell us all her feelings on this matter through an echoey voice-over, but we don't care; character development was thrown out the window a LONG time before in this film so why start now? There are scenes when the bed laughs, snores, crunches, and makes various other noises that we assume judging by our cast's non-reaction to said noises, cant be heard. This and the telepathy makes the issue of diegesis very difficult to ascertain...but thats OK....this is Death Bed: The Bed That Eats and it defies all logic so its OK. It makes for a lush dreamy quality to this most bizarre film If you buy (hehe buy...did I say "buy"?) this DVD, make sure to check out the introduction by the director. He explains that the filming of this "flick" started in 1972, didn't wrap up until 1977, he shopped it for a few years with no luck, and then fast forward 26 years to 2003 it gets released on DVD. Supposedly someone somewhere had a print of this in some other country and made bootleg after bootleg of it and it was quite by chance, on a message board no less, that our director found evidence that people knew, and gasp! cared, about his little-known film. Its from there that he decided to give it a shot and release it. I'm glad he did. Once you've even so much as heard the title to this film, you MUST see it. I for one am going to buy this and I'm going to preach its gospel around the world...starting with this comment