Frankenfish: Criatura Assassina

Deep in the bayous of Louisiana, something is munching on the inhabitants of a small community of houseboats. A coroner and a biologist are sent to investigate, and discover that huge genetically engineered man-eating fish are responsible. Specially designed to be tracked by big-game hunters seeking the ultimate quarry, the fish are fast, vicious and intelligent. When the scaly terrors attack the boats and scupper the floating houses, the survivors think they are fish food; but help is at hand when the hunters arrive, armed to the teeth and hoping to bag a trophy or two...

Had the makers of Frankenfish planted their tongues much further into their cheeks and not taken proceedings quite so seriously, this movie may have been a fantastic addition to the monster genre; unfortunately, they refuse to accept the complete preposterousness of the premise and deliver an average movie when the result should have been so much more fun. It doesn't help that the fish themselves are, for the most part, badly rendered CGI. Loads of nifty gore and a few tasty babes (China Chow and K.D. Aubert provide the main eye candy for the blokes) help to compensate somewhat, but Frankenfish ultimately fails to match the genius of its wonderfully camp title.

I give this film 5 out of 10, plus a bonus point for the impressive amount of blood and guts on display.

This reminded me of two movies: "Tremors" and "Anaconda," but this film was a Class B version and cross between those two "higher class" movies. This film had no known actors - and it showed - and the dialog was pretty stupid, too (not that it was intelligent in those other films.)

However, I have to admit the killer fish were cool. The special-effects on them were very good. These suckers were ugly, scary and life-like. Since most of the humans in this film were unappealing to me, I rooted for the fish. There were several of them, pretty good-sized and pretty tough to stop.

This also was like those sci-fi films of the '50s with the genetically-altered spiders or ants or whatever, making something many times larger and deadly. Here, it was some fish in the Bayou swamps. Some of the action scenes were shocking and were, frankly, the best part of the film. Don't expect much for the first 35 minutes, but once it kicks in, it gets pretty intense.

The language is profane; the people (except for the hero, of course) are pretty scuzzy and stupid. Recommended for those who want to be frightened for an hour and aren't discriminating about the quality of their film-watching!

Something big and nasty is hanging out in the Bayou, so baaad it can bite a gator to pieces. Could it possibly be a scientific experiment gone awry? Might it possibly threaten a group of people trapped in the middle of nowhere? Is it conceivable that the above group would be offed one by one? In various bloody circumstances? Would you believe the hero and his babe will somehow survive? Is there any way a rich evil middle-aged white male might be responsible? Is there anything in this movie you haven't seen before? the fish are pretty well done, but too high a body count (and too much foul language) for me. Think of Deep Rising with a smaller budget. If you like that sort of thing--enjoy.

To my surprise, this actually turned out to be a rather amusing B-Movie. The characters, handsome cop, brainy female scientist, unpleasant young lawyer, taciturn Vietnam vet (how many Vietnam vets in the movies are ever eloquent conversationalists?) and superstitious Voodoo lady are so much cut-out cardboard, but the actors make the best with what they have to work with. Even the fish look like they are enjoying themselves.

There is the odd witty line, some great low-key action sequences and the Frankenfish themselves are great - chewing up most of the cast with great gusto and not without some excellent black humour.

There are some genuine surprises and a couple of unexpected deaths amid the usual B-Movie clichés. There's plenty of gore and plenty of fun. Not a bad way to spend an idle hour or so.

It's the name that does it. Not only does it fail to make sense in context, it just plain doesn't work. If they really wanted to go with some kind of Franken-animal they could have at least picked something that started with 'st', like... a stoat. Frankenstoat. Studios, are you listening?

Anyway. Against all odds Frankenfish is actually no worse a giant mutant creature romp than, say, Anaconda - I'd even go so far as to say it could have made a passable cinema release. Everything (with the standard exception of logic) is handled competently, from the acting to the effects, and the tiny bayou community setting of the whole thing actually feels quite novel. It's not even entirely predictable, I guarantee you won't see at least one of the deaths coming...

It's also a fine film for playing Name The Actor They *Really* Wanted. Robert Downey Jr. and Michael Wincott are lock-ins, while Anaconda veteran Jon Voight would have been a fine choice to play the hunter (who is, as it turns out, the most rubbish hunter in the world). Come to think of it, if they'd asked Jon Voight he'd probably have said yes - he usually does.

Overall, it's a surprisingly not-awful piece of work, which still manages to be entertaining despite its not-awfulness. I wouldn't say I'd recommend it, exactly, but you could do worse. Sci-Fighter, for instance. Now THAT's genuinely awful film-making (and as such comes highly recommended).