Bikini Bandits

A lot of the posting on this particular message board seems to relate to people asking if it's a 'good movie'. I don't think that anyone should actually take that into consideration when view this film. The Bikini Bandits Experience (as is the title of the DVD I own) is simply that; The Bikini Bandits Experience.

To summarise the film would be pointless. I shall, instead, point out the reasons why I chose to see the film, then eventually buy (well, it was a gift from my now ex-girlfriend for Easter, but that's neither here nor there, because I wanted to buy it anyways...)

-Maynard James Keenan; I'm a huge Tool fan, so I wanted to see this simply out of curiosity. I wasn't disappointed. Maynard brings a certain odd charisma to his role as Satan, which kept me highly entertained for the duration (some 20 minutes of screen time I believe...or thereabouts).

-Corey Feldman; I read a preview of the film, simply stating that it involved Corey Feldman dancing until the end of time. As someone who remembers Corey Feldman and his fall from grace, this film was getting too good to be true. -Further Cameos; DeeDee Ramone, Jello Biafra, all punk icons in a very punk film. -Bikini Bandits; I'd never heard of them before this, and well, it sounded good. Girls in bikinis with guns. Nice.

What I got was all of the above, plus some rather amusing infomercials, and some rather disturbing sketches.

The Bikini Bandits Experience is just that...an experience. Anyone with a sense of humour for the absurd, I would highly recommend this film. It something to just laugh at.

This movie is perfect for 10-13 pre-adolescent boys. Plenty to giggle about, nothing of substance. Nothing to recommend. In all fairness to the public, the producers should pay you to see it. It's certainly not worth seeing, much less paying for. Mr Feldman was a loser before this movie came out and this did nothing to change my opinion of him. With a title like the Bikini Bandit Experience I knew it wasn't going to be a classic along the lines of Gone With The Wind, but I was hoping for something closer to Animal House or Porky's. I would have even settled for something closer to Hot Dog, The Movie, but this one even fell short of that pitiful effort.

Excellent movie. An understanding of the characters (i.e. Jello, Maynard, Dee Dee) sense of humor is needed to enjoy the movie. Do not take the movie at face value and know the objective here is all about reflection. Many people have criticized sized this movie and have claimed that the only people who like this are obsessive fans of Maynard and merely enjoy the movie because of their icon. That is very amusing and couldn't be farther from the truth. This movie will satisfy anyone who can laugh at the world that consumes us on a daily basis. If you enjoy this movie I would strongly recommend checking out a few of the other Bikini Bandits movies!

This movie SOUNDS great. Not in any high minded, intellectual fashion, but just as some great cheese to down with your buddies. It has half naked women, guns, Dee Dee Ramone as the pope, Jello Biafara, Maynard as Satan, time travel, fast cars... it sounds brilliant, right?

It is not. This is, without a doubt, the worst film ever made. This is from a man who loved "Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter". There's no plot, no point, and worst of all, no FUN. The closest thing to a running gag is the joke they pulled on you by getting this thing released. It's clear they had no idea what to do with the film; but they rightly guessed that if they got some cult celebrities together with a bunch of hot women, they could get it released regardless. To fill out the time they throw out a series of unconnected skits, woodenly acted and lacking any conceivable flow. Even the violence/sex this kind of movie falls back on to hide deeper troubles are strictly PG-13 (Baywatch is more graphic than anything here). The (very) few funny moments have nothing to do with the plot at all, but are quick inserts thrown in to pad a movie that had clearly failed even in the eyes of it's director.

The director clearly has an amazing talent; he sold this movie to some amazing guest stars, to whoever funded it, to whoever agreed to release it...but he never had a movie to begin with. People show up on screen, do their bit, and move on presumably under the impression they were going to appear in a movie; but in the end it's just a parade of pointless clips, nothing more. Even having seen it, the pitch sounds good (underground rockers, time traveling bikini bandits, guns and cars, who can go wrong?)... but the movie isn't there. A talent for salesmanship makes you a great car dealer, not a great director.

In closing, Corey Feldman called this film the worst mistake of his life.

Corey. Feldman. Called it the worst mistake of his life.

Stephen Grasse, the genius between "The Evil Empire: Why I hate the British", a racist tract popular with ignorant bigots, produces a mindless T & A show which, with the use of some brief and totally un-witty cameos from punk legends like Dee Dee Ramone and Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys and juvenile jabs at authority figures, attempts to fake a deeper undercurrent. You might call it the "thinking teenagers spank film", because it does just enough to make you think you're not just staring at big silicone breasts swaying under cheap bikini tops, or plastic rayguns bought for 3 for a $1 clutched in hands with even cheaper manicures.

In short: it's a great film, if you're terminally stupid.