Tongan Ninja

I know I use the word 'awesome' a lot, I just happen to watch a lot of crazy awesome movies. I can't help it. I don't actively seek them out, they just find a way of ending up on my TV or in my DVD player. Anyway, where was I? 'Awesome'. I use the word 'awesome' frequently, and I'll admit that I'm not even using it correctly in more than a few cases. However, 'awesome' is my way of indicating a given movie's coolness level, and such a little word is so much more descriptive than a silly rating system involving numbers and stars. For example, I believe I rated 'Wild Zero' as 10 stars, 'Versus' as 9 stars, and 'Battlefield Baseball' as 8 stars, but I do believe I said each one is awesome. Numbers are so inaccurate, and can't describe such movies. 'Awesome' is so much more descriptive.

Now you may be asking "But how does all this relate to 'Tongan Ninja'?". Well, you see Billy, any number I give to 'Tongan Ninja' would be grossly unfair, as it would not be taking both the awesomeness of 'Tongan Ninja' and its value as a movie into account (see my review of 'Killer Meteors'. However, if I were to simply say 'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome, that would say so much more: it would say that anyone easily amused will enjoy it, and then people of any class and refinement should avoid it entirely.

'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome.

Sione (Sam Manu) is the Tongan Ninja. As a child, he survived a plane crash caused by Marvin (Jemaine Clement), who has since grown up to be an evil ninja and Sione's rival. Marvin makes it a point to frequently remind Sione that Sione's father survived, only to be eaten by a fish. The adult Sione is sent to New Zealand by their ninja mentor, Master Magasaki, to protect a restaurant in true 'Way of the Dragon' style. But the evil ninja Marvin is not far behind...

In all its crazy awesomeness, 'Tongan Ninja' is a spoof on old kung-fu movies. Hell, the plot is taken from Bruce Lee's 'Way of the Dragon', just with some extra creative license. Its a funny movie, messing around with the stereotypical plot elements (dead fathers, "I am your father", the greatest fighter of whatever style), bad dubbing, and making most of the very limited budget they had instead of trying to hide from being cheap. The fight scenes serve to amuse as comedy, not as true fight scenes, and the action goes way over the top but manages to stay funny throughout the movie.

Cheap and wacky, 'Tongan Ninja' isn't obviously going to appeal to everyone. However, anyone who likes their movies cheap and wacky (not to mention crazily awesome) will enjoy this.

I read a review of this film which compared it to Bruce Lee's Way of the Dragon. What really astounded me about this review was that it's author actually took this movie seriously, as if it were striving for acceptance as a martial arts film.

Why is this world full of people who take things too literally and lack a sense of humour? Tongan Ninja is an hysterical little (dare I say) home-made indy picture with the sole purpose of generating a laugh or two. I don't think there was a 20 second gap in which i wasn't laughing.

To get the most out of this film, do as I did and gather a lot of friends together and watch it in numbers.... unless you are one of the mentioned people I spoke of before who don't have a sense of humour and take everything in life literally (you are the people who will die prematurely). I guarantee you will cack yourself stupid! If you're a fan of Kung-Pow... see Tongan Ninja. If anything, watch it for the opening credit sequence. Pure Gold!

Shot in English, and dubbed into English (because they couldn't afford location-based sound recording), Tongan Ninja sets out to be one of the worst films of all time and succeeds beautifully. Our one-dimensional hero is pitted against a variety of one-dimensional enemies, including Knife Man (who uses a knife), Gun Man (who uses a gun) and Action Fighter (who had the assistance of wire team from Lord of the Rings). It tells you something about a movie when the director's commentary features lines like "We were very lucky and had the use of the Lord of the Rings wire team for two weeks. But we had to ask them to make it look cheaper and messier, so it would match the rest of the movie." I'm a big fan of DVD special features. The 'making of' featurette features wonderful interviews with Peter Jackson and the director of Shrek, telling some very inventive lies about their admiration for this movie. The director's commentary is a wonderful insight into the labour of love that no-budget film-making can be, and the actor's commentary is a wonderful insight into actors who are deeply embarrassed to be in such a cheap movie. If you can enjoy bad action movies, this one is absolutely priceless.

"The Tongan Ninja," is a low budget parody of 70's and 80's martial arts films from Asia. The clearest comparison is with "Kung Pow! Enter the Fist," a film released slightly earlier in the same year. Both of these films are send ups of the various clichés and gaffs typical to kung fu and ninja films. TN distinguishes itself not in quality of SFX or novelty; rather, TN stands out because it exudes a sense of joy and enjoyment that the film makers had. The title of this film is an immediate clue to the overall theme and technical quality of the film. What sets this entry into the parody genre apart is the way in which it was executed.

As with all parody, this film assumes that the audience will find mockery of details funny. TN pays very close attention to the slipshod practices of previous martial arts film makers. The result of this attention is a film that lambastes dubbing, poor writing, awkward/unrealistic romance, and absurd plot devices. The effect is very amusing. Unlike films that attempt to fill 90 minutes with as many gags and jokes as possible, TN remains consistent with the gaffs that it parodies. By limiting the extent of mockery, TN allows itself to develop an actual alternate world which is populated by naïve, stupid, and very funny people. A second, and more risky assumption, is that an "action" film can be successful if dialog driven. This does seem a contradiction in terms. How is it that a film, one which relies on fight scenes and mortal combat, can rely on so much exposition and dialog? The movie answers this by providing over the top silly dialog that touches on every oddity found in Martial Arts film dubs. Repetition, awkward translations of common "Asian" sayings, ridiculously misplaced commentary, and colorful threats all blend together to create a truly hilarious experience.

TN is not without faults. The reliance on dialog does lead the story to drag at points. In addition, the repetition is just that, repetitive. However, these problems are easily forgiven when one actually feels this movie. To clarify the last sentence, this film conveys the joy and fun of the film makers. Possibly an example will help. We have all seen the uninspired formulaic film which is clearly made in an attempt to tidy up budgets and possibly make a small profit. These films are by no means "bad," yet they lack the ethereal quality of "Fun." TN exudes a sense of enjoyment. It is quite palpable how this production was relished by all involved. As the audience looses themselves in this happy mood, the film becomes all the more enjoyable.

On a personal note, I will be highly recommending "The Tongan Ninja," to friends. This is perfect movie night fare. The lovingly crafted crappiness makes a wonderful pairing with beer and greasy food. 6 of 10 stars.

My wife got this movie out and I wasn't happy. However, it turned out to be one of the best "bad" movies I've ever seen. The post dubbing is particularly enjoyable, with large sequences dubbed in where there is no mouth movement at all. The dubbing is also fun on the crowd scenes. Large groups of baddies run toward the Tongan Ninja saying: "I'm ready to fight" and "I've got a big sword" etc. The fight sequences are a treat. Initially I was disappointed (I love a good fight), but as the style of the piece grew on me, I just enjoyed the sheer tackiness of it all. The final fight sequence is hilarious. If you want a good laugh this film is highly recommended.