Scarecrow

scarecrow.

wow.

this is maybe the most awful movie i have ever seen. (and that statement comes from a person who very much enjoys bad movies) the real problem here is that it wasn't so bad it was funny...it's just so bad that it's bad.

scarecrow is the story of a 35 year old high school kid who gets picked on by a bunch of 27 year old high school kids (who inexplicably call him 'scarecrow'). anyway the kid (lester) has a miserable life, is a bad artist, and i'm thinking is mildly retarded.

everyone hates him and makes his life rough except for judy (really the only good thing about the whole movie--and not for her acting ability). lester gets upset and is seen for a brief disconnected moment hitting a scarecrow that looks like a person in a plastic suit, yelling "i whish i was like you so i didn't feel anything." why did he do this? because apparently all the kids in this town hang out in cornfields with scarecrows...who else was he to take his frustration out on?

one night lester's mother's new boyfriend gets mad and kills him in a cornfield right below that same scarecrow. some zappy camera effects occur and lester is reincarnated as the scarecrow. --and i could be wrong here, but the whole killer scarecrow thing seems like it was done before...oh yeah in jeepers creepers 2.

anyway, lester (as the scarecrow) comes to life every once in a while and does acrobatic flips and then kills people. it would make sense that he should kill all the people that wronged him while he was alive, but rather he kills just random characters that have nothing to do with the story.

as a matter of fact, they introduce characters like the gravedigger and his daughter's boyfriend (who have no ties to the story whatsoever) just to be killed.

interestingly enough the really old high school kids all of a sudden are not in high school, the town "has a sinister evil," and somehow these things lead the world's worst sheriff to the conclusion that lester is the scarecrow.

too bad he dies before that could even matter.

unprovoked the scarecrow attacks judy (the only person who was nice to him while he was alive and the only person who went to his funeral), blaming her for his death. there is a short and crappy final fight scene here, taking place on and in a pickup truck that i'm pretty sure isn't actually moving at any point. and then there is a surprise ending that makes even less sense...coming as no surprise at all.

what is really striking about the whole thing is that this film was made completely straight faced.

watch the 'making of' featurette.

the whole cast is talking about effects and acting and plot points as if this movie is to be admired for it's technical prowess. the only thing that makes sense is when the director babbles lloyd kaufmann's name...

now this is by no means up to the caliber of a troma film, but at least i can see where they were going...(how could tiffany shepis be in this movie?) at least troma movies are funny and clever in a sort of tasteless way, this was just miserable.

the acting was terrible, dialog atrocious, editing uber-crappy, effects nearly non-existent....but worst of all this movie was boring. and that is a b-horror movie sin.

i think the icing on the cake though, was the fact that this abomination was dedicated to dario argento, george romero, stephen king, wes craven, and more.

if any of these people ever saw their names at the end of scarecrow, they'd kill themselves just so that they could roll in their graves.

this movie makes roger corman look like alfred hitchcock.

Oh dear lord. This movie... It was horrible. I am a HUGE fan of horror movies. And most of the time, horror movies other people say are bad, I like. The actor who played 'Scarecrow' was amazing, I will say that. But this plot was awful. It made no sense! It had way too much gore, and an unnecessary (and revolting) sex scene at the beginning. I do believe the director was trying to be 'shocking' or whatnot, but it just came out awful. To add to the pile of festering crap they called a plot, the actors (besides 'scarecrow') we're awful, and I cared so little about them that I soon forgot who was who. In conclusion, this movie made me sick. If you can avoid watching this movie in anyway, please do.

I swear that's a direct quote. This is almost bottom of the barrel stuff. When Full Moon and Troma collide--That's how I picture this movie. Scarecrow has the production values of a recent Full Moon picture (not the great, older stuff) and the ridiculousness of a Troma pic (it even has a Tromette). This is one of those movies where you can immediately start picking out who the misguided "hero" is going to kill later on. It's a tad predictable in that department. That's not a problem though. The problem is that I have to once again force myself to believe that late 20-somethings are high school kids. There are no high school kids in this movie. Lester, the main character, has gotta be in his late 20's. His mother looks younger than him. In fact, it could not have been his mother, unless she had him when she was four. It also features the worst director cameo ever. It's this crazy French director making an ass out of himself. It is fun to laugh at. I will give them that. This is one of the funnier direct-to-video movies I've ever seen. And the guy that played the boyfriend/sheriff was hilarious. I love his wig. Let's not forget "scarecrow ninjitsu." That is some laugh-out-loud sh*t. The one thing this movie does have in its favor is the scarecrow design. Honestly, it's one kick-ass mask. I also find it respectable that they completed the film in eight days. That's insane. However, if you want to see a real "mothalovin' landmine of evil," go watch Dark Night of the Scarecrow or Scarecrows (1988) instead.

"What do you got, straw for brains?"

This movie could be used in film classes in a "How Not to Script a B-Movie" course. There are inherent constrictions in a B-movie: Budgets are tight, Time is precious (Scarecrow was apparently shot in 8 days) and the actors are often green and inexperienced. The one aspect you have complete control over is writing the best script you can within the limitations set before you. Scarecrow's script seems to have been written in a drunken haze. I could go through about fifteen examples of the nonsensical scripting of this movie, but I'll just mention one: The Gravedigger. The character of the gravedigger is introduced about an hour into the movie. He seemingly has no connection to any of the other characters already in the movie. He is shown with his daughter, who also has no connection to anybody else in the movie. The gravedigger is given a couple scenes to act surly in and then is killed to pad out the body count. Why give the Gravedigger a daughter? Why give the daughter a boyfriend? Why introduce them so late in the movie? Why not try to make them part of the ongoing storyline? Scarecrow doesn't seem to care.

The "story" of Scarecrow goes something like this: Lester is a high school kid (played by and actor who'd I'd peg to be in his early 30's) who is picked on by the other kids. He is an artist who draws birds and has a crush on a classmate named Judy. His mom is a lush and the town whore. One of her reprobate boyfriends makes fun of his drawings (by calling him a "faggot" for drawing birds instead of "monsters and cowboys." If you have a high school student still drawing cowboys I'd think him to more likely be gay than a high school student who draws crows) and later, kills Lester, in a cornfield, under the titular scarecrow. Magically, Lester's soul goes into the scarecrow. Somehow, this transference changes Lester's soul from that of an artist into that of a wisecracking gymnast (I know some reviews have called the scarecrow a Kung-Fu scarecrow. I disagree. The scarecrow practically does a whole floor routine before jumping onto the truck during the climax of the movie). The scarecrow then goes on to kill those who tormented him, those who smoke pot in the corn field, those who dig graves, boyfriends of daughters of gravediggers, pretty much anyone who showed up on the movie set.

The bonus feature on the DVD should be mentioned. The director (a Frenchman) does an impromptu version of rap music, admits he enjoys not having executives around on set so he can screw his wife while working and gives a quote to live by (and I'm paraphrasing): "Life ez a bitch, but et has a great ass"

Number of Beers I drank while watching this movie: 5 Did it help: No Number of Beers needed to enjoy this movie: Whatever it takes to get to blackout drunk level.

Amazing. That's what you'd say if you sat through this film. Simply, incredibly, amazing. It's actually so amazing that anyone was stupid enough to dump money into making this monstrosity that you simply can't believe what you're seeing. That, my friends, is what is truly scary about this film. Somebody thought it was a good idea to make it.

Well, here's another amazingly original story: High School student (occasionally seemed like college—go figure) has whore for a mom, lives in a trailer park, and is an "artist" who is ridiculed for his "being all different." Well, of course, this poor ridiculed boy is eventually killed and, here's the original part, his soul inhabits a scarecrow (beneath which, he is killed by his slutty mama's latest john). Then he goes around with the standard killing off of all the people that done hurt him. Awww.

Here's the breakdown:

The Good:

--Amazingly funny movie—even if that's not what the clearly drunk filmmakers wanted.

--This and the sequel on one disk in the Wal-Mart $5.00 bin—so it's only a little overpriced.

Didn't Hurt It, Didn't Help:

--The violence and gore are kind of sub-standard. One person is stabbed with a corncob.

--Sounds like they put some effort into the music—but it doesn't really fit the movie—and isn't all that good.

The Bad:

--Terrible, terrible acting.

--Another slasher let-down with sexy women—none of them removing clothing. When did that cease being a staple of low-brow slashers??

--Ridiculous story.

--The scarecrow vomits up one-liners that would make Freddy Krueger and Arnold Swartzenegger blush.

--Standard underlying love story goes nowhere, and is poorly done.

--Some of the people killed seem like they were chosen at random—you never really know who anybody is and then they're killed. And you only assume that they must've had it coming.

The Ugly:

--Extremely average slasher fare, just with a murdering scarecrow instead of… well, all that other crap.

--Nowhere near as interesting as Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Chucky, or even Angela from the "Sleepaway Camp" series—all of which are better than this atrocity.

--The absolute worst dialogue I have ever heard in my LIFE. The script is laden with a level of retardedness that I never imagined could exist. I'm serious here—it's a full step beyond terrible. Don't get me wrong, though, it's funny as hell—but I've never heard more asinine banter—even in "Slumber Party Massacre III." This film makes "Jason X" look like Shakespeare.

--The man who kills the boy that becomes the scarecrow: Worst wig ever. Dialogue to match.

Memorable Scene:

--The one where elementary-school youths spew out their own witty dialogue: "Hey, let's go find small animals to torture. Huh huh."

Acting: 3/10 Story: 3/10 Atmosphere: 2/10 Cinematography: 1/10 Character Development: 2/10 Special Effects/Make-up: 5/10 Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (No nudity, Mom's a whore, girls wear no bras) Violence/Gore: 5/10 (Low quality, mediocre amount) Dialogue: 0/10 (Extremely ridiculous, blatant, over-the-top and painfully funny—so bad it's good. My first rating for dialogue in any film!) Music: 5/10 Direction: 2/10

Cheesiness: 10/10 Crappiness: 9/10

Overall: 3/10

Another one for just people like me who enjoy watching pure crap. Or Slasher-film completists. This is not a good movie, at all. Laughable dialogue and characters keep it from being truly boring.

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