Mail Order Bride

Even by the straight-to-video, D movie standards, "Mail Order Bride" is simply too preposterous for words. Wow! I thought I've seen some crap in my time, but there's simply no preparing for this turd shower.

From one of the lamest plots in the history of American cinema over to the fact I've heard more authentic-sounding dialogue in many porn flicks, the English language may not be descriptive enough to convey how horrendous this stinker really is.

How do obviously horrible movies like this one get made? Even if I can somehow grasp the misguided motivation of Robert Capelli Jr., an apparent self delusional NYC goombah turned not only actor, but also screenwriter and director, I'm truly at a loss when it comes to understanding the money trail. Taking the production over to Russia and shooting on location in Moscow couldn't have been cheap - surely someone must have put up some major cash to make that happen. Who are these wonderful benefactors? Who looked at this script, agreed with the assertion about it "possessing some big-screen potential" and forked over a certain amount of dough? And how many others repeated the above sequence in one way or another?

I demand answers! There really should be some kind of tangible punishment for enabling film-making this maladroit.

Burying this piece of garbage in limited video release isn't enough. Public tarring and feathering of every single person who made "Mail Order Bride" financially possible is the least punishment these heinous enablers should have to endure.

PS: Artie Lange and Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling ought to pick their drinking and/or drug buddies more carefully. I can believe Jackie really did need the money back in 2003 to supplement his chochkie selling income, but what was Artie's excuse for being in this. Committing to movies while intoxicated is definitely not a good idea.

Russian Mafia..its sounding more pathetic every time i see it. leave the mafia bosses for the Italian-Americans. It sure makes the movie a lot more better when the Mafia Boss is an Italian. Russian characters seem to be all Godfather & Italian copy-cats. I'm totally getting sick of all these Russian Mafia characters, directors must think the viewers are stupid, as the majority of the Human race will realize that all there trying to do is make it look like some character out of the Godfather. Personally, i wont take out a film from now on if I've heard it features Russian gangsters. I hope we get to see more real mafia bosses in the future, as there the characters the viewers want to see. Not some Russian thinking hes in the Italian Mob.

I had the chance to preview a film titled MAIL ORDER BRIDE at a film seminar held by prestigious NYU film professor Dr Richard Brown. I thought the movie was one of the funniest and entertaining movies I have seen in a very long time. Dr. Richard Brown interviewed the young man you stars and directed the movie prior to the screening. He was very charming, funny and filled with hope. After the film, he brought up the producer and co-writer. He was a man from Moscow, Russia. I was so fascinated by what these two had been through and accomplished. Their drive and energy was so positive, I had to shake their hand and congratulate them on a job well done. It is not everyday an American and a Russian get together and make a film, especially on an independent level. I can't believe they shot half the movie in Moscow. It is nice to see people come from nothing and try to make it. This should be an inspiration to us all.

Just saw it and WOW, what a funny movie! Artie Lange and Jackie The Joke Man in same film! Next Gore and Bush? Crazy! Danny Aiello was awesome as always. And all the cameo's! Kamal of Jerky boys! Hysterical! The Riddler from original Batman! Was laughing out loud at his scene's. My favorite was when Artie and Bobby walked into Bar and that actor said the winning number as a developmentally challenged gangsta! Comedic genius that one. Funny stuff. And the scenery in Russia was unbelievable! Let alone the car chases. I swear that Russian mobster's body guard was a pro wrestler in the early 70's! The films only flaw was it was too short! Great ending! Really surprised me. I strongly recommend anyone and everyone to go and see it.....

This is without a doubt, one of the worst movies ever. I saw it at a screening where we had the bad-director-terrible-actor-atrocious-screenwriter as a guest. He seems like a nice guy, but how he ever got this movie made is beyond me. One of the producers was also a guest, and from the stories he told, I think a documentary or mockumentary about the making of this movie would have been infinitely more enjoyable. Then again, any old 8mm home movie would be more enjoyable.