Cheerleader Massacre

Okay, there are these cheerleaders, and they spend most of their time naked. Unbeknownst to these nubile young nymphs, a mad killer is on the loose.

The girls trek to a remote, abandoned house in the woods after their van breaks down. It soon becomes warm inside. Far too warm for clothes.

As you might have guessed by now, this is a Jim Wynorski film, so mega-nudity is a prerequisite. As in real life, the cheerleaders are all insanely beautiful. There are a few male characters floating around too, but who cares? They're either comic relief or nameless psycho fodder.

CHEERLEADER MASSACRE is aimed strictly at the avid admirer of the female anatomy. Yes, there's bloody violence as well. This is a magnificent hunk of ridiculous cheeeze!

SPECIAL MENTION FOR: The howling wind sound effects, while not a leaf or twig is moving on the trees outside! Priceless!

Watch for Brinke Stevens reprising her earlier role from SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE...

This is the second worst movie ive ever seen (behind only the third I Know What You Did Last Summer). but it's so bad its just plain funny. its good in a mystery science theatre sort of way. dont watch it seriously. watch it to make fun of it like the mess it is

I've never expected too much from a film by trashy B-movie director Jim Wynorski: a silly premise, some cheapo effects and a bit of nudity from some busty babes, and I'm usually fairly happy.

Well, Cheerleader Massacre delivers on the former and definitely the latter, but unfortunately is a tad light when it comes to the splatter. And when a film has the word 'massacre' in the title, and scrimps on the gore, then Houston, we have a problem.

Wynorski's movie centres on a group of cheerleaders who, along with their teacher, mini-bus driver and a couple of guys, become stranded in the mountains during a snowstorm. They make their way on foot to a deserted mountain retreat, where they find food and shelter. And a crazy killer who wants them all dead! From the outset, good old Jim ensures that his film features plenty of scenes loaded with T&A, and includes the obligatory shower scene, along with numerous other moments in which tasty women get nekkid (including a spot of raunchy softcore sex and a very gratuitous three-babes-in-a-hot-tub scene). None of the women look young enough to be cheerleaders (and are never even seen in their outfits), but who cares about such details when they're all too willing to strip off in the name of art?

I do care, however, about the movie's numerous lacklustre deaths. With such an extremely lurid title, I had been hoping for some inventive bloodletting to go with all of the bums, bush, and boobs; instead, practically all of the killings occur off-screen or feature next to no gore. Only a silly post-decapitation scene (achieved with cheap-as-chips CGI) comes anywhere near to delivering the goods.

Still, if you're feeling in the mood for some titillation, or a bit of slasher silliness minus the grue, then, at 82 minutes, at least Cheerleader Massacre won't be too much of a waste of your time.

Cheerleader Massacre, The (2003)

*** (out of 4)

A group of big breasted, sexy cheerleaders jump into a van on the way to a competition but the van breaks down and they must spend the night in a cabin. A serial killer is also lurking around. I went into this flick with high hopes, which some might find strange considering this is nothing more than a low budget, direct to DVD flick. The reason for the high hopes? This is from director Jim Wynorski who created some of my favorite "B" films of the 1980's including Chopping Mall, Sorority House Massacre 2 and Big Bad Mama 2. My expectations were certainly met because this is the best throwback to the 80's slashers that I've seen in quite a while. Does that mean the film is good? Hell no. Everything from the acting to the screenplay is bad but the director knows how to deliver the cheap laughs, nudity and dumb violence. The director is smart enough to know he has bad actors and a bad script and instead of trying to create a good movie he uses this badness to add to the film's charm. The film uses the soundtrack to the 1980 hit Humanoids From the Deep and also lifts a scene from The Slumber Party Massacre. The scene lifted from that movie has the girl in that clip reprising her role 21 years after the fact. Reading at IMDb says this was originally meant to be the fourth film in that series. Again, please don't take the three stars as saying this is a horror film everyone should rent. If you check at the IMDb you'll see that everyone but I hated this film.

Thanks to the cover this movie looks good, thanks to the direct it is actually complete rubbish. Slasher fans should stay the hell away from this one, There's no Plot, no talent and I am sorry to say that i've actually seen it. Thank God i rented it online and it only cost me about 50 pence, because if i'd spent any more i might have to go and slash my own wrists, from the sheer depression. I think the Director thought that a few Bimbos on the cover and the word Cheerleader might make a movie, by which rationale i could sell a turd in a box if I only cellotape a picture of Britney Spears on the front. Even for an amateur movie this stinks and forget soft porn, aside from a very short appearance from April Flowers there is nothing worth watching here. Wynorski...get a job.