Mulher-Gato

Oh my, where do I begin? Well I could tell you that this is a well made action movie, but obviously I would be lying my head off. So instead, I want to tell you the truth. Are you ready? Here it comes… "DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE" Let me tell you why. If you see this movie and are over the age of 16, you will end up hating yourself for letting yourself rot for 104 minutes without getting anything back, except an increased feeling of wanting to get revenge on Hollywood. They say that it is very hard to get your script into a movie. Well, after seeing this movie, I think a one legged monkey could write a better script, without either pen or paper. The fact that Halle Berry even uses a male stunt double, makes me loose all respect for both her and this movie. Besides the stunt double thing, the movie still sucks. The dialog sucks, the acting is not even present and the action looks sloppy and poorly thought through. This movie actually made me like The Core better, which is pretty much impossible. I rate this movie 1/10

I scored a free ticket to this movie, and I thought, hey, I've wasted my whole life up to now, what's another hundred and forty-one minutes? After all, I have a higher tolerance for crap than most people, and, once in a while, I like to see something that completely sucks. According to the critics and to voters on IMDb, Catwoman is supposed to suck bad. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the movie really doesn't suck. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but it hardly plumbs the depths of true suckitude. Currently it sits at #35 on the IMDb bottom 100, but I can think of way more than 34 other movies that suck far worse than Catwoman. It is much more fair to say that it is a mediocre, perhaps slightly below average, action film. It has a few pros and lots of cons. The cons first: 1) The jumpy editing is awful. 2) Way too much CGI. Same problem with the 500 pound gorilla comic book movie out right now, as well. CGI is probably the worst thing ever to happen to cinema; it's hard to believe people are worshiping a technique that looks more fake than stop-motion. 3) Benjamin Bratt is a horrible actor, and the ugliest handsome man I've ever seen. 4) How the f*ck did Alex Borstein land a movie role? She should be doomed to die on MAD TV, the longest running train wreck of a show ever. 5) Crappy, crappy script. The pros: 1) The film looks wonderful, even though that's due mostly to the CGI (I guess when it's making buildings and inanimate objects like that, it's not so bad). The costume design, even apart from the Catwoman outfit. And if they gave out Oscars to hair stylists, the ones who worked on this film would have no competition. 2) Sharon Stone – not a great performance, by any means. Her character is downright silly, perhaps even nonsensical. But she's gorgeous and has a great presence. She makes a really boring villain somewhat more interesting. 3) Duh! Halle Berry! She might not have the best ability to choose roles. Perhaps she's just obsessed with money, and now that she's got a statuette, she's going to do everything in her power to become a billionaire. Whatever you can say about her, she's a great actress. Last year, she brought Gothika up a notch, and she does a lot to make Catwoman more entertaining than it ought to be. She plays the characters' two halves, the sweet, insecure girl and the dominatrix, very well. And, come on, I'd be lying if I said I didn't go to the movie because I thought Berry would be walking around in a leather outfit for a good portion of the movie. And, damn, she's hot. This makes the movie watchable, if nothing else. There's a shot where the camera circles Berry from toe to head right after she first dons the Catwoman which was worth the price of me embarrassing myself by handing my free pass over to the cute little theater girl at the counter. 5/10.

I enjoyed this movie. It made me laugh at the end of a tough day. "Camp" is defined as "an affectation or appreciation of manners and tastes commonly thought to be outlandish, vulgar, or banal." It is also defined as "banality or artificiality when appreciated for its humor." I agree that movies such as "Spiderman" have taken the comic book genre into the realm of serious drama, and I enjoy that as a long-time fan of that comic series. And it would have been interesting to have seen "Catwoman" taken in that direction; however, it was not, and we should appreciate and enjoy the movie for what the writers and director chose to do with it. It is as much about Halle Berry as it is the comic book character herself. When Halle makes her appearance in that leather suit, walking along seductively, that will go down in film history right alongside Raquel Welch in her cave woman outfit that we have seen so many times on posters. When Halle throws that little overdone strut into her walk, that brings a smile to my face and actually makes me laugh out loud at times. True, Sharon Stone is over the hill as an aesthetic pleasure, and the plot is as silly as any we have seen. But that is the whole point! Laugh at and with this film, enjoy it as a piece of work not meant to be serious drama. This film rates a B in my book, whereas "Sky Captain" is barely a C.

+Halle Berry as Catwoman is sexy as hell in that outfit & the whip.

+It presents a positive image of a woman choosing not to go along passively with Evangelical Christian pastors making reproductive health choices for them as many women today won't vote anti-women politicians out of office.

+It goes against the political correctness where women are frowned upon when they keep their bodies healthy.

+The script was okay for an origin story of what was a comic book. They did a good job of writing lines that were appropriate for Catwoman (decisive, confident) and Patience (no confidence, apologetic). Also, the woman professor scenes adds credibility to the story.

-The computer animation was crude with Catwoman's movement being too fast and unnatural, perhaps due to poor s/w and slow computers of the time. Also, the cat computer animation was terrible. They needed Pixar.

Oh, where to start...imagine all the intellectual depth of Showgirls, plus all the excessive and ridiculous special effects of Charlie's Angels, and then throw in some dialog crafted by whomever wrote for Governor Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze in the fourth Batman movie, and only then are you even close to a movie as awful as this.

I suppose one should not expect much from a director who actually refers to himself as Pitof. But let's come back to that. Let's move on to Halle Berry. Note to Halle Berry: Letting Billy Bob Thornton ream you endlessly on camera is certainly degrading, but it was also a good career move--and you won an Oscar; feverishly eating catnip and licking people's faces on camera, however, is not a good career move--and you'll probably win a Razzie this time. They make you return Oscars for movies like this. Oh yeah, as for the supernatural explanation for Patience Phillips/Catwoman's superhero status--she gets CPR from an immortal Egyptian cat--I am not kidding.

And then there is Benjamin Bratt, who happens to be a pretty solid actor, but could have very likely damaged a good career. If his participation in this movie isn't enough to stigmatize him, then I'm sure he had to pass up a lot of good roles because of all the time he spent having his foot surgically removed from his former agent's rectum. There is a scene in this movie--probably the worst, and that's no small achievement--that is reminiscent of that ridiculous scene in Daredevil where Jennifer Garner/Elektra and Ben Affleck/blind superhero have a Kung Fu fight at a playground in broad daylight; in this movie it's Halle Berry and Ben Bratt playing one-on-one hoops and her doing Catwoman flips and yet no one appears to be too amazed by this, much less pants-soiling surprised, and on top of that it has a sort of VH1/Color Me Bad/early New Edition video feel to it. And I'm really not sure what city this is all supposed to take place in--Gotham, Metropolis, the land beneath the whole in the cutting room floor--but apparently this place only has one detective, the unfortunate Bratt. No matter what the crime is--burglary, murder, domestic disturbance, interrupted ballet performance--he's always there.

As for the rest of the cast, that annoying woman from Mad TV--I know that's not specific enough; I mean the most annoying one who plays what I guess is supposed to be some bizarre Asian lady--well, she plays Catwoman's annoying and sort of slutty co-worker comic relief since Rosie O'Donnell was apparently unavailable.

And then we come to Sharon Stone. Now I know her career is going down the crapper with all deliberate speed, but it's still hard to understand this one. The only thing I can guess is that the opportunity to break into silly, pseudo-feminist diatribes made this a role she couldn't turn down. Of course Sharon has often lamented the lack of good roles for older women in Hollywood, and she's absolutely right about that, but this is not the best way to lodge a complaint, and plus that's always been a little peculiar coming from an actress whose greatest cinematic achievement is the conspicuous exposure of her labia.

Briefly back to this Pitof character--I thought that pretentious one-named idiot who did the Charlie's Angels movies--McG, I believe--was bad enough, but this guy is even more shameless and obviously lacking in talent. What's with these guys who've never made a movie and are already going by only one name? Don't you have to work up to that? I mean if is Scorsese wants to go by Marty, fine; if Tarantino wants to be just Quentin, or even just Q, whatever, but where does a hack like this get off using one name? This movie deserves every Razzie it receives, and while some reviewers may say it's not really that bad, remember, it took a lot of money to make this godawful thing, and if people don't speak out about how dreadful it really is, they just might make Catwoman 2. Can you live with that?