C.B. Hustlers

This film is a little bit of an 'in-joke' between myself and a few others who watched it with me. This was way back in '87 when we rented out some sort of video to watch. We found the film so memorably bad, every time we make a comment akin to something like, 'as boring as watching paint go dry', we say instead, 'we'd much rather watch C.B. Hustlers'!

I think the film has value if you want to give someone a bad 'surprise' present. You won't be forgotten that's for sure! If you like 18-wheelers, hookers and C.B. radios, you'd be actually better off watching Smokey and the Bandit (which was quite a funny film).

so,in the less than 30 minutes i could stomach of this puke before losing my lunch,i saw more nudity than in most pornos,not to mention worse acting.supposedly the plot is that many van drivers on the highway assist the big rig truckers in avoiding the highway police by creating blockades,or distracting the police(usually,with a big pair of well placed boobs,for the male cops,anyway)now,i'm all for showing naked women with big boobs,but when every scene is simply an excuse for a woman to get naked,it just gets stupid.i can imagine the(so called) director setting up the scene:"Okay ladies,listen up,this is very complicated,but important so pay attention-take off your clothes!please don't make me go through it all again".like i alluded to earlier,the acting was lower quality than any porn movie.for the male parts,i imagine they went through a rigorous selection process before they found the right guys.I think it went something like this:they randomly picked a guy off the street and said "hey,dude,you wanna be in a movie?,there just might possibly be some naked breasts involved".man,i bet they had to weed out a lot of hopefuls.as for finding the women,it would have been a similar process something along the lines of:"hey baby,make ya a star".boy,how rigorous and exhausting that must have been for the film(and i use that very loosely)makers.now this is billed as a comedy,and it is indeed a comedy(for all the wrong reasons)but you may not know that it is also a horror movie-the horror being that it ever saw the light of day.i actually lost the will to live for awhile after seeing this.truly beyond putrid.

This film begins with a couple known simply as "Dancer" (John Alderman) and "Scuzz" (Jacqueline Giroux) utilizing their CB radio and a couple of refurbished vans to establish a mobile brothel for highway truckers. Needless to say, the country sheriff "Elrod P. Ramsey" (Bruce Kimball) realizes something is going on but, because Dancer changes his location so frequently, he hasn't been able to catch up to them. What really becomes problematic, however, is the fact that a local newspaper reporter named "Mountain Dean" (Richard Kennedy) has also recently figured out what is happening, and he is determined to expose this illegal operation if it's the last thing he ever does. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say this is a film that took advantage of several opportunities that were unique to the period of time. For starters, because of the oil crisis in America a couple of years earlier, CB radios had just become quite popular, and a number of movies were produced to take advantage of this new phenomenon with "Smokey and the Bandit" and "Convoy" being two of the more popular films during this time. Likewise, it was also during this particular time that local drive-ins were so desperate for films that they would take almost anything that was available on the market--and a low-budget film like this fit the bill quite nicely. Having said that, however, it should be noted that, even though the demand was quite high for a film like this, that doesn't mean that this was a good movie by any means. It was quite bad actually with poor acting and an awful soundtrack being the main reasons. Admittedly, there are a couple of attractive actresses featured with Janus Blythe (as "Silkie"), Uschi Digard ("Dee Dee") and Catherine Barkley ("Lemon") being the primary attractions for Dancer's mobile business. Not that it really mattered, of course, considering how bad this movie actually was. Be that as it may, while a film like this might have been a staple for drive-in theaters during this particular time, it's not something I would recommend, and I have rated it accordingly.

Found this little bit of soft-core raunch on a 'double-feature' DVD in one of those "Anything in the place is a buck" stores. It was paired up with "Cheerleader's Beach Party" (also 1978), which seemed somewhat appropriate.

My one-line summary was, of course, tongue-in-cheek. If you're looking for something more than mild titillation, you'd be better off spending your money elsewhere. The package says this is rated "R"; obviously that's a 1978 "R" because I've seen more explicit stuff on regular broadcast TV lately. There is an ample supply of (naked) female breasts and butts, and some simulated sex scenes, but that's about it. Nothing to be seen below the waistline.

Plot, such as it is, deals with a group of three 'pavement princesses' and their pimp working out of two custom vans. The preferred clientèle are 18-wheel truck drivers, and of course there's a nemesis in the form of an inept backwater newspaper man who overhears some of their coded jargon over a CB radio and decides that morality must prevail.

Slightly amusing byplay between the newspaperman and his sidekick/assistant, and there is a bit of a twist at the end. However, in the long run this is the kind of film that one watches only out of curiosity (or if one wants to know what was considered risqué during the Carter administration), and has little or no replay value.

I got this on a double feature DVD with a biopic of Evel Knievel for $2. It's about a bunch of hookers who operate out of a van and seduce truckers, and a journalist hot for a story with a CB radio who tries to shut down their operations. I thought it'd be some laughable C-grade obscure 70's porn I could put on at parties and such, but there's only about, ooh, 5% sex in this. I watched the first 10 minutes or so, and after I had got my fill of long shots of a bunch of people standing around vans drinking & talking, I put it on 2x speed setting and watched the rest of the film that way. Even with the sex scenes, and at twice the speed, it was still pretty slow & boring. Somehow, though, I strangely feel as if my dollar was justified. Hence the 2 rating.