O Homem-Coisa: A Natureza do Medo

Well this is excrement. It's supposedly about the Marvel Comics character Man-Thing but, in reality, it's a cheap little TV-quality grade-Z horror movie that has very little in common with the comics. Even then, there could be some value in this if it had even the slightest bit of talent behind it. But it doesn't and it sucks. The writing, acting, directing, special effects, music, and pretty much every single other thing you could think of is generic and cheap. The basic plot is that there's a creature in the swamp killing horny teenagers so the town's new sheriff investigates. This guy's the clichéd "big city cop turned country sheriff" character that has appeared in about ten thousand movies. He looks like a cross between Ed Westwick and a young Peter Deluise, so you can imagine what a commanding presence he has. He shows up in the bayou wearing a leather jacket and shades while toothless yokels say things like "You city boys shore are funny." Please. Honestly, just don't with this. It's garbage in every way. If you enjoy shitty made-for-TV/DVD horror movies then go right ahead and poison yourself with this stuff. I'd rather find something more productive to do with my time, like staring at the sun. Oh and Rachael Taylor's in this. Because it was made in Australia. Because that looks just like Louisiana. Because we're all idiots.

In case you ever find yourself in that position, or you hear someone else, thinking that the Marvel Cinematic Universe films are weak or under-par or just simply *bad*, I encourage you to check out Man-Thing. Actually I don't because this would almost come across as a recommendation, and it's not that. It's about perspective: you can watch things like Thor 2 or one of the Amazing Spider-Man movies (and yes, Spider-Man 3 if you don't care for it), and realize 'yeah, well, at least it's not Man-Thing.' This is such a waste of time, and more than that a waste of potential - yes, potential - that it's barely on-par for the sludge that passes for Syfy channel movies of the week.

Everything is stock here, everything. Stock opening with the horny teens having sex in the swamp and one of them getting killed (lots of blood, to be sure, but not a single f*** given to suspense); stock villain with his 'you Yankee Sheriff don't understand get outta my way' twang; stock lead who barely makes a different facial expression except constipated consternation; stock friend deputy who we know may not last long; stock backwoods "good ol' boy" yokels where the closest thing to a joke involves taking a s*** in the swamp at night (and then, ::GASP:: one of them falls in to what looks like other s***); laughably stock Indian guide who patiently exclaims over a montage about how the "Man Thing" came to be due to corporate man's interference with oil rigs and who knows what; and stock love interest who really becomes a love interest because it's about that time for the hero man to kiss the hero girl and for them to almost have sex at an importune time.

Did I mention this movie is quite poor, because it is. And I think that it could have had potential as a) if it embraced it's dumbass B-movie roots and went for broader, or at least were more sincere in some other way, like with a script that went for crazier ideas or stakes, or b) if, I assume, they stuck closer to what Man-Thing actually is in the comics (I'd assume from what I've read from others reactions, I haven't yet read it though it comes from Steve Gerber who created Howard the Duck, that it's not close at all). Or maybe a stronger director with a better grasp on horror or comedy or horror-comedy. The best that Brett Leonard is able to muster for anything 'creative' or out of the box comes in super-fastly-whiplash-style editing to transition from, uh, one scene to another whenever it's time to get EDGY in that way that is terribly dated a decade on (though it was likely dated in 2005).

The acting is equally stock as the actors, though as one thing to give the movie credit the actor playing the bat-s*** photographer who keeps popping up in the 'Dark Water' of the swamp was fairly entertaining. But aside from that no one is memorable, certainly no one who can inject some madness or life into the thing. It's trying to play it too straight and be too serious-minded, but it the director and crew don't have the skills (or budget) to give anything close to some actual terror or properly mounting suspense. It's all a lot of people wandering in dark swamps and then BOOM then comes the CGI 'Man-Thing'. Indeed the best thing about the movie is the title, which I'm sure at the time Marvel patted itself on the back and handed out giant cigars for the whole staff for the fact that they got a comic called Man-Thing.

And it's not like I went into this wanting to hate it, at least not to this point (I suspected, given it was never released to theaters, to lower my expectations, but not to the point of bottom of the barrel). I want more raw, hard-R rated flicks from the likes of Marvel - the first two Blades and Punisher: War Zone embraced their B-movie roots and had good-to-decent directors behind them - but there needs to be a strong vision or something new to the table. Practically everything in Man-Thing, from the Indian environmental "messages" that feel somewhat coopted from *Swamp Thing* (and I'm sure with the comic that was intentional) to the small-town folk who are given the blandest, most generic 'Southern-good-ol'-f***-yeah' dialog, is telegraphed, rote, like things picked up off the dirty, un-vacuumed-for-15-years floor of a hack screen writing pig-pen floor. Even when we see the Man-Thing itself it feels disappointing, with the only thrill coming when it does something especially gory but that too isn't unexpected.

Only for the most die-hard horror-gore-comic-book fans. Or if you want to get that perspective I mentioned earlier. Or if you like a villain with the last name "Schist". Get it? It sounded like it's called s***!

Something evil is living in a swamp, something that kills all that enter its territory, the "dark waters". As more people are killed, the local town sheriff learns that a swamp-monster of Indian legend is responsible. Can he stop the creature before it can continue killing? "Man-Thing" has gotten primarily bad reviews here on IMDb, but I thought it was…not terrible. Not great either, loaded with clichés, yes, but I've seen much worse films released courtesy of the Sci-fi channel. Any of you ever seen of "Boa Vs. Python"?!?!? There's plenty of stuff to like here. The swamp photography is beautiful. The shades of greens gave the film a very nice look, and the swamp is setting is effectively creepy. Director Brett Leonard—who you may remember as the guy behind 1992's "Lawn Mower Man"—gives the film good atmosphere, and there were even a couple of creepy moments towards the finale. The monster was scary and looked very, very impressive, to say the least. There was some pretty weak CG used for its tentacles among other things but thankfully the creature itself is a good old-fashioned man-in-a-suit creation, and a darn good one at that. Kudos to the effects team on this memorable, nasty-looking beast. Oh, there's the abundant gore too, which is certainly a plus. I won't give away what happens in the film, but I will say gore fans will be very happy. I also liked Roger Mason's creepy, atmospheric score.

Problems begin with two things: The script and the actors. The screenplay offers lots of typical horror conventions: Throwaway monster victims, cheap pop scares, greedy and unrealistic bad guys, wise Indians who know about the monster, and so on. If you know the genre, you're probably familiar with this set-up by now, and it can be very tiring. The actors are mostly weak (Save for lead actor Matthew Le Nevez who wasn't bad), and those "southern" accents sure sound Australian if you ask me!

"Man Thing" is flawed and offers a familiar set-up, but if you can overlook that you'll be treated to a gory, creepy monster movie. Better than most made-for-TV horror films I've seen, and I've seen a lot.

6/10.

There are reviews out there that claim this movie is horrid. um, you expected what exactly from a movie called "MAN-thing"? I'm familiar with the comic and sure, they've changed things like they did for the Blade character in his movies. Honestly I don't know what else they could of done without making this a goofy teen comedy about some ones "man thing" (ok now that penis joke is out of my system!!) This is B movie, pure and simple. Its a slasher/monster flick and when u view it as just that, not some citizen kane like master piece, then you'll enjoy it. It has some good Cheap scares and a monster tree that goes around butchering people. Did I mention that there is a lot of gore and plenty of violent deaths that would make a Friday the 13th fan happy? Graphic Tree tentacle/root impalings are the order of the day. The special effects are fine, the story does the job for this sort of movie, and its probably the bloodiest Marvel movie yet (I kid u not) The only thing that got to me was some of the casting. Now I know a lot of no name Australian Actors were cast for this movie and well... Aussies cant pull a southern accent off for crap. Its not a major problem, 15 minutes into it and you don't really notice (in between all the tree branch impalings!!) But I have to say that Jack Thompson and the female lead are the worst offenders in this regard. The rest of the cast do a decent job. Oh, and I've read some reviews on certain sites that the ManThing monster is hardly shown. Thats BS. The director takes the jaws route at the start of the movie, showing very little of the monster but by the last half hour u get to see plenty of him. And for a low budget flick, the monster effects are pretty cool - better than say - the monster effects in StarShip troopers 2, another low budget direct to video flick. Overall for a Direct to video movie, ManThing does the job. It would have been a misfire to release this theatrically, but for a sci fi channel/Direct to DVD movie this one is much much better than some of the other Direct to video movies (Boa Vs Python, dragon slayer etc etc) Worth a watch if ur into B movies or slasher or monster flicks with lotsa gore. 6/10

The Man-thing is your average monster movie, which is likely to appeal to the die hard fans of the genre, leaving all others wondering just what was the point of making it in the first place.

Yet, a few things stand out, mainly the scenery and the monster itself. The swamp was captured on film in a very ambiguous way, it that it is both realistic and somewhat nightmarish and disturbing. We owe that to the excellent cinematography, responsible for delivering an uncanny goldish light and the impressive shots of oozing green vegetation.

Now, the monster. Apparently, it was based on some Marvel creature I have never heard of. Either way, for a B movie, it was a very competent display of half man, half plant beast, something that could have easily become ridiculous, especially since I doubt the FX team had a large budget to work with. Still, I believe we get to see a bit too much of the Man Thing, the more footage there is on the creature the less impact it usually manages to create on the viewer.

Another thing that surprised me about this flick were the deaths. They are gruesome and convincing, with roots and barks impaling people throughout the movie. Not extremely gory but still very graphic in terms of sheer violence.

What kills this movie is the usual...a terrible cast, abhorred acting and a plot that is too shallow to hold. Everything is highly predictable and we all know who will die and who will make it. All that is part of the genre's conventions, and since the Man-thing aims to be a monster flick, and clearly is mostly concerned with the most dedicated of fans, I can say it achieved all of its goals.