Esquiando para a Morte

Starring the seriously underused/underrated Lindsey McKeon this is a highly colour by numbers slasher with a couple of redeeming features.

For a start the setting is great, set high up the mountains where all the snowboarders/skiers dwell. Next is the cast, better than you'd expected considering what type of film it is. And finally though they are deep into the film it does have some quite neat ideas! Blending the excellent Out Cold (2001) with one of a billion generic slashers pays off with bits of comedy thrown into break free of the predictable tedium of the genre.

You won't even easily predict the identity of the killer, I was astounded when it turned out not to be Reverend Green in the kitchen with the rolling pin! Flabbergasted I tell you.

Better than you'd might think but still instantly forgettable.

A group of 'teens' go up to the mountains to go boarding. But someone doesn't like that they're there illegally, trespassing on private property, and breaking the safety rules to boot. So they're stalked and killed one by one. The intentional humor falls flat, yet luckily the unintentional humor saves this film from being totally unwatchable, but only barely. The 'teens' are horrible actors and whiny people and their death scenes are a hoot. Would I ever watch it again? Nope, but I had fun seeing it the first time, well perhaps not fun, but I wasn't hating my life. The beer helped. What din't help was the cardinal sin of Slasher films: showing a shower scene with NO nudity.

Eye Candy: Holly Towne as Robyn shows her mosquito bites

My Grade: D+

Admittedly, this is not a classic horror flick but it is enjoyable nonetheless. The action takes place at an abandoned ski lodge - there is a killer stalking the snowboarders, known as 'shredders'. The teen characters (predictably, they look older!) are typical clichés of horror movies. There is a surprising amount of gore and you root for the 'good' characters. I liked the wintry setting, there are some good stunts and the whole movie is a guilty pleasure.

Coming up with a generic plot is often compared to shuffling a pack of cards in order to come up with a slightly different plot each time . Unfortunately by the end of the 20th century the pack of cards entitled " Bunch of teenagers get stalked and killed " had been shuffled to death and what the post modernist humour of SCREAM did was bury the pack once and for all . Guess how the producers of SHREDDER ( A made for video movie released in 2002 ) take a new approach ? That`s right they make the teenagers snowboarders !

Just to explain the reason why teenagers get bumped off in these type of movies is to introduce a subtest of proteastant ethics . Horny teenagers both slappers and studs who have sex just for the fun of it must be horribly murdered as retribution for being promiscuous while the gutsy virgin must survive the film as reward for keeping her honour , but unless I`m missing something there`s not one honourable virgin ( Well female ones ) in this movie or any sympathetic character at all . In fact if I bumped into any of these characters in real life I`d be hard pressed not to put an ice pick through their heads . Oh and there`s a scene at the end that can be described as cheating . I won`t spoil it for you but you`ll know the scene when you see it .

If there`s any film producers out there thinking of making yet another movie about horny teenagers getting sliced and diced can you please consider another career option

Now I'm a huge fan of low-buck cheesy slashfests, but really, can we have some sort of oh, I dunno, a PLOT????? Wow. Teens decide to go "shredding" at an abandoned ski lodge (conveniently located miles from any help and decidedly spooky looking) where there was.........A MURDER years ago! And someone's looking for revenge on our young, goodlooking, rich and horny teenagers....can you FEEL the suspense? We have the requisite "party girl", the "snobby girl", the "good girl", the "handsome stranger guy", the "nice hero guy", the "dorky crazy guy" and the "quiet loner type", but that's not all! We have the "angry locals" and the "doofy sheriff", and of course our "masked killer" who uses a variety of instruments to do the deeds. I swear they had a copy of "The Idiot's Guide to making a Slasher Flick" on set at all times because this thing is sooooooo predictable. It's wretched in every way possible. It deserves the shredder. I intend to write the producers and ask for a refund of my rental fee, 'cause that's three bucks and I'll NEVER get the 90 minutes of my life I wasted by watching this back.