Scorpion Thunderbolt

Trust me. I've been in enough sleazy video stores, pored over myriad Z-grade shlockers to be able to qualify this as the most inept waste of celluloid I have ever seen. And yet it achieves greatness in a way only the most bereft of talent can, a deliriously incompetent mishmash of bungling Kung-Fu action, tomato-ketchup horror and side-splitting soft porn. Only the most insane need apply.

Another film based on a story by AAV Creative Unit This movie walks that fine line between being "one of the absolutely worst films ever made" and "one of the absolutely worst films ever made, yet somehow entertaining". Its a line it crosses and re-crosses frequently with in its 90 minute running time making for a surreal experience. (And don't get me wrong this movie is BAD, but its occasionally as low as you can go in badness and still be enjoyable in a jaw dropping sort of way.) The plot of this film has a witch queen sending off a rubber suited monster thats controlled by a guy playing a magic flute off to kill people while the cops try to stop the mayhem. Meanwhile in unrelated footage Richard Harrison runs around trying to look like he's part of the movie after a girl he picks up on the side of the road (after she flashes him her breasts) dies spewing orange ooze after a failed murder attempt during sex. I wish I was making this up.

Dreadful, this is a movie that will tax even the most jaded bad movie lover. Die Hard bad movie fans will eat this up most others will be shaking their head wondering what in the wide wide world of sports is going on how many people actually paid to see it.

Avoid.

How much credit should you give to a guy who is only responsible for about fifteen percent of the footage you actually see in a film? Who knows, but I'm giving this Godfrey Ho film an eight anyway. I'm not even sure if he's actually seen any of it himself.

This one (or two, if you know what I mean), involves a lady who turns into a snake demon every time a blind guy plays a flute which is triggered by a witch demon playing the bongos. In snake form this lady goes out and murders folks in graphic ways. The police are baffled. And crap, but she manages to hook up with one of them anyway (the one that's practically stalked by one of his colleagues).

In the film that Godfrey Ho actually bothered doing himself, Richard Harrison is baffled as various people wearing the same t-shirt constantly attack him in order to get a sacred ring off of him. The first person to try this is an actress who puts the moves on Richard while they are both watching a film of the actress being painted (just like Majestic Thunderbolt!).

This one is really high on the insane visuals, what with a guy playing pool while firing the balls straight at the crotch of his prisoner, then there's the lunatic with the dead pig hiding up in a tree, or two cobras descending from a ceiling to bite a guy in the eyes at the same time. Utter madness.

This is a great Godfrey Ho film and well worth your time - Perhaps not so funny as usual (what with most of the film being stolen wholesale and just played out, although we do get the hilarious cockney accents), it's still highly entertaining and never boring for a minute.

It's on YOUTUBE.

Another cut and paste film starring Richard Harrison from Joseph Lai's cinematic chop-shop IFD Films. But this time there is nary a ninja in sight as we have Harrison battling a demented witch who is killing people by controlling a woman who turns into a large half human/half snake monster. The main portion of the film deals with the snake woman and her love affair with a cop and that begins to get old after a while (although it is gory). The Harrison inserts have him going to find and destroy this "evil witch who lives in a red castle" and they are the highlight of the film. His first scene has him picking up a girl after she has flashed him on the side of the road. "I hate to see someone stand in the rain," he says. Then she tells him that she is an actress (she is actually an assassin sent by a witch) and they should head to the studio to check out her latest film. Cut to Harrison and that chick in a screening room watching one of her films which consists solely of her being tied up naked and painted on by some Chinese dude. Harrison looks at it completely stone faced and then leans over and says, "I've got to admit, you have f@#king talent!" She then proceeds to do a striptease for him set to the sounds of looped Jean Michele Jarre. The climactic battle features stings from both RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and SUPERMAN. Awesome!

I don't know who the Director of the Donor movie was, however, he/she was light years more talented then the director who received the credit Godfrey Ho. In an effort to not give away too much suffice it to say that the leading man Inspector Lee played by (Homer Cheung) I think - is involved in a love triangle with his fellow Lady Detective and also Journalist Helen. Now one of these lady's turns out to be a real snake. So much bizarre stuff happens during this film including cut inns of the Ho Directed part with Richard Harrison having an almost too graphic sex scene with a stripper. There are too many snakes, a funny maniac named Hagow, a Monk, a Witch and a blind guy who blows a futile flute just to name a few. Scorpion Thunderbolt is not a feel good flick and it left me a little uneasy, but I still highly recommend it.