Um Tira de Miami

The great Richard Roundtree portrays Gamble, a jaded detective working the mean streets of Detroit. He is teamed up with rookie Bobby Delaware (Muller Jr.). It seems Delaware became a cop because his father, Philip Delaware was killed while trying to take down some killers/drug smugglers and they got away. Now the junior Delaware wants revenge. But it doesn't come quickly, and now the seasoned cop and the naive rookie go around town stopping baddies, while Delaware incrementally finds answers about his father's death. Eventually their quest takes them to Italy where the final showdown occurs. Will Gamble and Delaware be able to settle the score? Directed by Alfonso Brescia, a man with a long career in the Italian film industry and infamous somewhat for his hackery, one of the first things you'll notice about Miami Cops is that...it doesn't take place in Miami! Nor does Miami come into the plot or dialogue in any way shape or form. This is clearly an Italian knockoff attempt at Miami Vice, but it was too little too late at that point in time, and Gamble and Delaware are no Crockett and Tubbs. At least Delaware is no Crockett.

Even the name "Delaware" smacks of an English-as-a-second-language attempt at writing a name that sounds "American". The logic is airtight, just name him after a U.S. State! Add to all that some silly dubbing, dingy film quality and the fact that the movie seems way longer than it actually is does not bode well. It's just pretty run-of-the-mill with no surprises. But on the good side, we have the charismatic presence of Richard Roundtree to keep the whole venture afloat...barely. He does what he can, but he's only one man. Is his winning personality enough to fight against all the other mediocrity around him? Only you can be the judge, and it depends on how big a Roundtree fan you are. Sure, he's so cool, his maroon blazer matches his maroon car (have you ever color-coordinated with your vehicle?) but it does make him look like a realtor. Speaking of his suits, he has a really snazzy gold number that he puts with his extended cigarette holder to go undercover at Chassy's Disco (apparently a real Detroit location). It makes him look like he is going to be in a Sam & Dave tribute act. Roundtree is by far the best thing about Miami Cops.

In the clothes department, main baddie Curtis Grover (possibly Grover Curtis) can't compete with Roundtree's awesome suits, all he has is a pale purple sweater and silly shades. And as far as Delaware's concerned, all the other cops haze him about his stylish, well-tailored suits. Luckily, an obese man named Uncle Andy comes to his defense. He was buddies with the elder Delaware. Once the other cops hear this, they begrudgingly give him some respect.

Released by Cannon, Miami Cops is too long (or it least it feels that way due to some of its blandness), and it desperately could have used a bit more originality, but Roundtree and the smooth sax on the soundtrack are present and accounted for.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Miami Cops is brilliant cinema. Bad dubbing. Dense, baffling, impenetrable plot. Over acting. (with the exception of Richard Roundtree) Dumbfounding editing. Which from there quickly devolves into something which emits a familiar and not very pleasant aroma which nonetheless tells bad film fans, "here lies treasure!"

The musical score is most enjoyable, a pleasant reminder of the best of late 70s urban contemporary instrumentals in the genre of Rose Royce. No matter that the film was made in 1989.

The plot is shamelessly crabbed from the period hit, Miami Vice. But the opening scenes at the wharf feature background hills with brown foliage and old northeastern US style water towers which you this isn't Miami. No, this is not the Magic City.

There's an interesting glimpse of a massive white monolithic building on the wharf which resembles the steam house located at the former Quonset Point (RI) Naval Air Station. An old power plant, perhaps? As with all good directors, he leaves unanswered, still: Heads-Up Alert for Urban Exlorers.

The Italian villains - aren't they all? - are interesting. They ship drugs in oil drums from Ischia. But Ischia is an island off the coast of Naples. Along with sister Island, Capri, neither are known as deepwater ports capable of berthing tankers. Yeah, I know. Picky picky.

One villain is a nervous middle-aged man who wears coat and tie and button down sweater. Is this subtle brilliance on part of the Director, to demonstrate the ever-cold 'Reptile Brained' nature of the criminal, as forensic clinicians call it? Artful directors never tip their hand, and this one surely doesn't. Your guess? As good as mine.

He also wears those tinted shades that all the 'psychoes' wear.

No matter. The 'nervous villain' croaks off real fast - Va Va Veem! -when he swerves to avoid something dull and his car plummets off a cliff and blows up real good.

Cars? Yep. This film has 'em. Mostly dusty, awful old Fiats of decrepit vintage which careen about the hills of Ischia to no great effect but they do remind us of how fortunate we are to have the cars we do today.

A magnificent scene depicts the manner in which the true villain 'behind the nervous sweater-man-reptile-brained-psycho-shaded villain' gets his - real good. Nope, won't spoil the fun. Let's just say that this masterful film artfully crossbreeds Shaft with Texas Chainsaw Massacre to whelp the film to its stunning, corkscrew-tailed, conclusion.

Paul Vincent Zecchino

Bad film critic

Manasota Key, Florida

30 May, 2010