Beneath Loch Ness

This was easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Forget the fact that the storyline was absolutly pathetic, the acting was ten times worse! How about those accents? Whatever they were, they certainly were not Scottish. The special effects were equally terrible, espcially the "underwater" shots, which look like they were made in an ordinary dark, smokey room. If you have yet to see this film, do yourself a favor and do not even consider renting it. For the unfortunate ones out there who have seen this, I feel your pain.

I was so excited to see this video at Blockbuster. Having visited Loch Ness and loving monster stories, I was looking forward to seeing scenes of Scotland (blink and you miss them), hearing Scottish accents (terrible), and enjoying a campy monster movie (strike three - you're out). I found the portrayal of the local Scots to be totally insulting. The movie wasn't campy, just bad. Obviously a play-by-play rip off of JAWS.

I would be willing to watch it again if I were with the same friends who studied in Scotland with me and we were rip-roaring drunk. That way we could make fun of it together.

I had doubts about this one when I saw it in the video store. However, my son is a 'monster' buff so I decided to rent it.

Where to begin? With the plot elements from other, better sources? Jaws, Jurassic Park, there was even a bit of Moby Dick in there. The rent-a-cliche characters? The maverick scientist, the career-driven ex-wife of the maverick scientist (called 'Lizzie Borden' - puh-lease!), the obnoxious local official who disregards all dire warnings (Constable Connaghy - did they audition this guy before they got him to play a Highlander?).

The factual errors and plot holes are too tiresome to detail.

While I hate to spoil anyone's viewing of this cinematic feast, the sight of Patrick Bergin kitted out in a kilt and 'Braveheart' style warpaint going to battle the monster armed with a harpoon is one that will live long in my memory (unfortunately).

I should add in fairness that my son seemed to enjoy the film, which maybe indicates the level of its appeal.

Obviously even the likes of Patrick Bergen and Lysette Anthony have mortgages and bills to pay. It's sad to see even slightly recognisable personnel in such an abysmal production. I can only assume that they fired the person responsible for continuity, as there are more holes in this picture than a dartboard.

Its set in a Scotland where:-

People speak in American, Irish, English, and probably Punjabi accents- but not Scottish.

The loch Ness monster looks like something from a game on the commodore 64

People drive American 4x4 vehicles on the wrong side of the road

The police wear American uniforms

You can use American dollars in the local shops and pubs

etc., etc. - the list goes on.

Indeed, this is a pathetic and insulting offering, with "Scotsmen" stereotyped that I am surprised the casting department didn't hire Russ Abbott to do his mad Scotsman impersonation.

This film was a very poor effort.

The storyline followed that of "Jaws" quite closely, The experts who no one would believe, the constable who was more concerned with the tourist trade, remember the Mayor in Jaws, wouldn't close the loch.

A really big bad sea creature, Patrick Bergin as a dedicated lunatic trying to kill it, Remember Quint from Jaws.

The storyline was thin, had nothing original, and was more ridiculous than thrilling.

The dialogue coaches, however, are a totally different matter. They should be taken as far away from Hollywood as possible, and never let near the place again. The accents were shockingly bad, perhaps the worst I have heard in a film, James Doohan as Scotty, in Star Trek was a John Geilgud performance compared to this. The accents made the film funny and silly were is should not have been.

In truth, the accents were more Northern Irish than Scottish, try to think of Liam Neeson talking with a clothes peg on his nose and you'll get the idea.

It is apparant, that this was a really low budget, badly thought out, badly prepared attempt at film making, I would suggest that a few of the correspondants in this forum could get together for a week or so, have a few beers and come up with something a lot better.

In all, a bit of a waste of videotape really.