Beneath Loch Ness

I had my doubts about this but as my young son is a 'monster' buff I decided to rent it.

Where to begin? With the plot elements lifted from other, better sources: Jaws, Jurassic Park, even a bit of Moby Dick found its way in there. Maybe with the rent-a-cliche characters: maverick scientist; career-driven ex-wife of maverick scientist (called 'Lizzie Borden'? - puh-lease!); obnoxious local official who refuses to take dire warnings seriously (Constable Connaghy - did they audition this guy before they got him to play a Highlander?). Not to mention the endlessly repeated graphic of the 'monster' swimming towards us.

Factual errors and misconceptions are too tiresome to list.

At the risk of spoiling anyone's enjoyment of this cinematic feast: the sight of Patrick Bergin rigged out in kilt and Braveheart-style war-paint, going out to battle the monster armed with a harpoon is one that will linger long in my memory (unfortunately).

I should add that my son enjoyed it so that may be an indication of its appeal.

This had to be one of the biggest wastes of celluloid of all time(next to that Blair Witch thing). Blockbuster should be made to refund the money of those who thought they were renting a movie. The same, old plot devices were used (i.e. the idiot mayor/constable refusing to close the beach/loch at the height of tourist season, a smaller animal caught that was not the right one, the crusty old sea captain/fisherman with a score to settle ). I swear, I think someone even used the phrase "this was no boating accident". If Speilburg and Blatty didn't sue these guys for blatant plagerism and or copyright infringment, they should have. On the suck scale of one to five vacumn cleaners,(5 being the worst), this gets a seven.

As a Scot, when I saw this film, I was left numbed at how shocking it was and I don't mean that in a good way. This 'film' (and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) is not only an insult to Scotland but it is embarrassing for the Hollywood producers and actors involved in this project.

Aside from the fact the storyline dire and the acting utterly bland, the special effects look as if they were put together by three-year-olds on their nursery school computer . However, the most pathetic point about this film was the fact it clearly was not set anywhere remotely near the UK, let alone Loch Ness. It was bad enough that the cast were mainly Americans (or Americans with bad accents) but the cars drove on the wrong side of the road, the police wore American uniforms and little effort was made to even pretend the American location of this film was supposedly Scotland. Then you had the stereotypical Scots who graced the background every so often; I honestly was waiting for them to shout 'och, aye the noo' then do the Highland fling in their kilt with the haggis dancing by their sides.

Take a leaf out of Nessie's book when it comes to 'Beneath Loch Ness' and hide far, far away from it (although Scots may want to see it with the view that it is pure comedy in a 'so bad it's good' way).

This film was a very poor effort.

The storyline followed that of "Jaws" quite closely, The experts who no one would believe, the constable who was more concerned with the tourist trade, remember the Mayor in Jaws, wouldn't close the loch.

A really big bad sea creature, Patrick Bergin as a dedicated lunatic trying to kill it, Remember Quint from Jaws.

The storyline was thin, had nothing original, and was more ridiculous than thrilling.

The dialogue coaches, however, are a totally different matter. They should be taken as far away from Hollywood as possible, and never let near the place again. The accents were shockingly bad, perhaps the worst I have heard in a film, James Doohan as Scotty, in Star Trek was a John Geilgud performance compared to this. The accents made the film funny and silly were is should not have been.

In truth, the accents were more Northern Irish than Scottish, try to think of Liam Neeson talking with a clothes peg on his nose and you'll get the idea.

It is apparant, that this was a really low budget, badly thought out, badly prepared attempt at film making, I would suggest that a few of the correspondants in this forum could get together for a week or so, have a few beers and come up with something a lot better.

In all, a bit of a waste of videotape really.

I was so excited to see this video at Blockbuster. Having visited Loch Ness and loving monster stories, I was looking forward to seeing scenes of Scotland (blink and you miss them), hearing Scottish accents (terrible), and enjoying a campy monster movie (strike three - you're out). I found the portrayal of the local Scots to be totally insulting. The movie wasn't campy, just bad. Obviously a play-by-play rip off of JAWS.

I would be willing to watch it again if I were with the same friends who studied in Scotland with me and we were rip-roaring drunk. That way we could make fun of it together.