- The Pink Pussy: No criminals can escape from the Pink Pussy!
- Enchman: Oh yeah, the censors are gonna love that one.
- Hiroshi Nohara: Why do I smell like nads, and why does my ass hurt?
- Misae Nohara: Why do I smell like beer, and why does my fist hurt?
- [Hina has gotten into the video cabinet]
- Misae Nohara: [taking the tapes away from Hina] No, no, Hina. Those are tapes that Mommy and Daddy made and we can't afford the therapy you'd need if you ever saw them.
- Misae Nohara: [after Shin has locked them out of the apartment] Shin, you little devil! What did you do now?
- Shin-Chan Nohara: I just pushed a button and it went click. Is that the click-oris?
- Commercial Girl: That's the lock... the love button is entirely different.
- Misae Nohara: Shin, you moron, you locked the door! Now open up, do you hear me?
- Shin-Chan Nohara: But... you always tell me, when you're not here, don't open up the door for anyone.
- Misae Nohara: That only applies when it's not me standing outside the motherfucking door! Now open up this instant!
- Shin-Chan Nohara: Mommy says beer before nine is a crime.
- Hiroshi Nohara: Mommy doesn't have to live with Mommy.
- Georgie: [to Shin] You suck at life.
- Maso: [in his fantasy about eloping on a raft with Ai] Look, it's that island from "Lost"! We'll start our new life with the Others and make up stupid plots as we go along!
- Misae Nohara: Get up Shin, you have school today!
- Shin-Chan Nohara: No thanks, I went there last week.
- Ai Sutome: Ah, Mochi Cakes! we wake our chef up every morning at four o'clock to prepare five dozen of these for the servants quarters
- Moeko Sakueada: He makes 5 dozen every day?
- Ai Sutome: Uh huh. my mom likes to throw the extras out in front of the homeless
- Lolly Popp: Action Bastard, I've got your new move! It's a smorgasbord of mindless violence!
- Kung Fuji Apple: Son of a red delicious bitch!
- Happiness Bunny: I welcome death. I yearn for it. I dream of it every night. Am I never to feel it's cold, dark embrace?
- Micchi: It's just like College without the date rape.
- [Shin has pink eye, and Hiro is taking him to the doctor's office]
- Hiroshi Nohara: Ah, the best free clinic money can buy.
- [inside]
- Desk Nurse: I'll need your insurance card and/or coupon.
- Doctor: [prescribing eye drops for Shin] These are made especially for children, so they really sting.
- Narrator: I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, except that it's 7 a.m., and I've been drinking!
- [in a fever-induced dream sequence, Shin and Action Bastard are running across the desert]
- Action Kamen: Gasping air... moving fists...