- Alexander Cabot: You know what? I still don't understand why you're here.
- Alexandra Cabot: I'm here because I was in the comic book.
- Alexander Cabot: What?
- Alexandra Cabot: Nothing.
- Alexandra Cabot: Unlike you bunch of whackjobs, I am perfect just the way I am.
- Agent Kelly: Holy shit! That girl has a skunk on her head!
- [Alexandra covers her hair]
- Agent Kelly: Oh, that's just your hair. Sorry, but that's messed up.
- Josie McCoy: If I could go back in time and change everything back, I would!
- Melody: That's really cool. If I could go back in time, I would want to meet Snoopy.
- Eugene Levy: Hello, I'm Eugene Levy. And yes, I'm an Actor. No, I said cappuccino. I'm here to talk to you about something very important. And no, it's not about me or my career. I'm here to talk about subliminal messages in rock and roll music. Or as it's simply known in some cultures, 'rock music'. You see, for years the government has been wisely coercing teenagers to buy products they normally wouldn't want, just to get their money. Fact! Kids don't have bills to pay. Fact! They don't pay taxes. But! They do babysit and hold minimum wage jobs that earn them wads of cash as substantial as, well, my body of work. But kids today aren't dumb. They're not gonna buy just anything. That's why the government has been planting small subliminal advertising suggestions in today's rock music. The results? We can now get these kids to buy just about anything. We can have them chasing a new trend every week. And that is good for the economy. And what's good for the economy... is good for the country. So God bless the United States Of America - the most ass-kickin' country... in the world!
- Laughing Girl: Look! Skanky had a rock show, and nobody came.
- Josie McCoy: Did you all coordinate before you left the house, or are you just wearing the same thing by accident?
- Laughing Girl: At least we're not wearing stupid bunny ears.
- Melody: They're not bunny, they're leopard. And they're not stupid, they're special. We're special.
- Laughing Girl: Yeah... special ed.
- FBI Agent Kelly: They'll never see it coming.
- Fiona: [under her breath] And neither will you.
- FBI Agent Kelly: I'm sorry. What was that?
- Fiona: [after long pause] Huh? What?
- FBI Agent Kelly: You just said something.
- Fiona: No, I didn't.
- FBI Agent Kelly: Yes, you did.
- Fiona: No, I didn't.
- FBI Agent Kelly: Yes you did. I said, "They'll never see it coming," and you said, "And neither will you."
- Fiona: [dumbly] I did?
- FBI Agent Kelly: We all heard you.
- Fiona: Oh... what I meant to say was: "And neither will you guys." Meaning the teenagers. I was just emphasizing my point.
- FBI Agent Kelly: Oh, okay.
- Fiona: [under her breath] That was close.
- FBI Agent Kelly: What was that?
- Fiona: I was going to say: "That was close to being a really nice moment between the two of us."
- [their thoughts]
- Josie McCoy: Look at them all staring at us. They think I shouldn't be here. That's totally what they're thinking.
- Valerie: Look at them all staring at Josie. They think we shouldn't be here. That's totally what they're thinking.
- Melody: [in song] If you're happy and you know it then you really ought to show it. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
- [clap! clap!]
- Carson Daly: If I wasn't a key player in this whole conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America with rock music, we could totally date!
- Melody: Ew, I would never go out with you!
- Valerie: Okay, who else thinks that Fiona's a freak?
- Melody: Oh my God, I'm so glad you said that, because as soon as you said her name, I got the most awful sensation. Like this ice-cold chill creeping up my spine.
- Valerie: [pause] Oh, sweetie, that's cos you're sitting on the O.
- Melody: [stands, looks round to see she had been sitting against the "O" in the ice sculpture of Fiona's name] Oh!
- Josie McCoy: [Alexander runs in girl's bathroom with the girls to talk about the band] Alexander!
- Alexander Cabot: What? If we're having a meeting, I should be here.
- Josie McCoy: It's a ladies room!
- Alexander Cabot: Yeah, you know, nothin' I haven't seen before!
- Valerie: [Searches her jacket] You know, does anyone have change for a tampon?
- Alexander Cabot: I'll be outside.
- [Runs out, Val slams the door in his face]
- Alexandra Cabot: You guys know he's lying, right?
- Josie McCoy: You know your fly's open?
- [Valerie laughs hysterically as Alexandra attempts to pull the zipper up]
- Alexandra Cabot: Well, you know you... suck?
- Alexander Cabot: [after listening to a subliminal message] I want a vintage tee... and Heath Ledger.
- Alexandra Cabot: Oh my God, that's Mr. Moviephone! How did you get him to put that on there?
- [Gasps]
- Alexandra Cabot: You slept with him!
- Fiona: How much do you weigh, Josie?
- Josie McCoy: Um... 118?
- Fiona: Ha! 115! I'm three pounds lighter then you! It's okay, though. I think you look great.
- [Lisping]
- Fiona: Tho pretty and popular.
- Mr. Moviefone: Conform! Free will is overrated! Jump on the bandwagon! There is no such place as Area 51!
- Josie McCoy: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And when the going gets tough...
- Melody: The tough make lemonade!
- Josie McCoy: [Running into her hotel room to find just Alexandra and Alexander in it. Alexander is surrounded by a pile of "Red Bull" energy drink cans] Val?
- Alexander Cabot: [Totally caffeined up to the nines] Whoa! The return of the superstar!
- Josie McCoy: What's going on? And where are Mel and Val?
- Alexandra Cabot: Since when do you care. Oh, we heard what you said, Bitchy McBitch. Wish I'd said it.
- Alexander Cabot: They're gone, Josie! They're gone! And I hope you're happy. No more band! Just like The Beatles, just like the Jackson Five, just like A Flock of Seagulls! Caw!
- Alexander Cabot: [He picks up a can of "Red Bull"]
- Alexander Cabot: These are so good. You want one of these?
- Melody: I think when somebody said, "This is the life," this is what they were talking about.
- Valerie: Private Plane!
- Josie McCoy: Record deal!
- Melody: Coasters!
- Travis: Wyatt, could you maybe talk to Marco about him always doing my face? You remember in the "What?" video I established the
- [makes face]
- Travis: face? Well ever since then, every time you see Marco, he's doing the
- [makes face]
- Travis: face and it's MINE. You look at him on TRL: "Hi Carson!
- [makes face]
- Travis: " You look at him on the Kids' Choice Awards: "This is ours? Thanks!
- [makes face]
- Travis: " And then right here on the cover of Seventeen Magazine: "Hi little girl, beauty secrets?
- [makes face]
- Travis: " It's my face... it's MY face!
- Marco: Uh, hey Travis, am I uh,
- [makes face]
- Marco: doin' your face, 'cause
- [makes face]
- Marco: god forbid I
- [makes face]
- Marco: do your face 'cause it's
- [makes face]
- Marco: such a good face!
- [Travis jumps Marco]
- Wyatt: [Breaks them apart] Eye contact. Hand.
- [slaps Marco's hand]
- Wyatt: Eye contact. Hand.
- [slaps Travis' hand]
- Wyatt: Now, when we land, I will talk to the choreographer, and she will get you a new face.
- Marco: Awh, too bad his mama couldn't give him a good face!
- Girl in store: Gatorade is the new Snapple.
- Alexandra Cabot: [using a fake English accent] I used to summer on the continent. Fancy a snog?
- Wyatt: Fancy a mint?
- [Carson Daly is about to kill both Melody and Valerie on a mock-up of the TRL set]
- Melody: I thought this was supposed to be "Total Request Live"!
- Carson Daly: Actually, this is more like "Total Request DEAD"!
- [Carson picks up a baseball bat and swings it towards Melody and Valerie]
- Travis: Wyatt, could you maybe talk to Marco about him always doing my face? Remember in the "What?" video, I established the
- [Makes face]
- Travis: face? Well ever since then, every time you see Marco he's doing the
- [Makes face]
- Travis: face. And it's mine. You look at him on TRL. "Hey, Carson."
- [Makes face]
- Travis: You look at him on the Kids Choice Awards. "This is ours, thanks!"
- [Makes face]
- Travis: And then right here on the cover of Seventeen Magazine. "Hey, little girl. Beauty secrets?"
- [Makes face]
- Travis: It's my face... it's *my* face.
- Marco: Oh, hey, Travis. Am I uh,
- [Makes face]
- Marco: doing you face,
- [Makes face]
- Marco: cuz, God forbid, I
- [Makes face]
- Marco: do your face cuz it's
- [Makes face]
- Marco: such a god face.
- [Does it three more times]
- Travis: That's it.
- [They get into a fight]
- Les: DuJour means friendship!
- Wyatt: Thank you, Les! Now listen. Listen to me. When we land, I will call the choreographer, and she will give you a new face.
- Marco: Aw, too bad your Mama couldn't give you a good face.
- Wyatt: TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!
- Marco: I'm sorry, Travis.
- Wyatt: Thank you. You can have a new face, too.
- Alexandra Cabot: So, what's the moral of the story here - freaks should date other freaks?
- Alexander Cabot: No, I think the moral of the story here is you should be happy with who you are. This whole time we've been spending money on expensive clothes to impress people. Never made me happy. No! Happ - -Oh, my gosh.Happiness is on the inside! I'm not this.
- [Takes off his jacket and shakes it]
- Alexander Cabot: I'm not what I wear. I'm not what I wear!
- Alexander Cabot: [Starts removing the rest of his expensive clothes] You should think about this.
- Alexander Cabot: Hey, I can't be everywhere at once!
- Melody: Oh, wouldn't it be cool if you could, though? I could be in here... and the living room! I could be in the bathroom and the living room!
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