- Paul McCartney: [John grabs Paul and kisses him. Paul pushes him away] Get off! God... just cause Yoko's away doesn't mean you have to stop brushing your teeth.
- John Lennon: You know you wanted it, you tart.
- Paul McCartney: Is my name Brian?
- Paul McCartney: You look very thin.
- John Lennon: Mother's got us on the macrobiotic diet.
- Paul McCartney: Mother?
- John Lennon: Yoko.
- John Lennon: There is little difference between the one who bows and the one who is bowed to.
- Paul McCartney: Ooh, very "I am the Walrus."
- John Lennon: [offering Paul McCartney the chocolate, and quoting "Revolution 9"] Take this, brother. May it serve you well.
- Paul McCartney: I knew it all along!
- John Lennon: What?
- Paul McCartney: You... pretendin' you didn't know me music.
- John Lennon: Come on, Paul. You're the biggest bloody thing since The Beatles!
- Paul McCartney: Oh, mmm... whatever became of them?
- John Lennon: They all grew up and became lawyers.
- Paul McCartney: Where are we going, Johnny?
- John Lennon: Straight to the top, boys!
- Paul McCartney: Oh yeah? Where's that?
- John Lennon: The toppermost of the poppermost!
- John Lennon: You're getting old, mate.
- Paul McCartney: Speak for yourself, dad. I've still got me pretty face, you see?
- John Lennon: That you have.
- Paul McCartney: I heard you let your recording contract run out. Somebody told me that you might never make another record.
- John Lennon: It's no skin off my teeth.
- Paul McCartney: Off your nose, you mean.
- John Lennon: No, off me back.
- Paul McCartney: You're not serious.
- John Lennon: No skin off me back.
- Paul McCartney: No, I mean about...
- John Lennon: You thought it was off me nose.
- Paul McCartney: Seriously, John.
- John Lennon: Seriously, Paul.
- Paul McCartney: What?
- John Lennon: What?
- John Lennon: I gaurantee you, when he finally gets the nerve to come over here, it'll be, "My Connie adores you, and my Carla thinks you're fabulous."
- Paul McCartney: My Heather likes you.
- John Lennon: Her too, yeah.
- Paul McCartney: No, I mean *my* Heather. She thinks you're all right. No accounting for taste, but she seems to have a bit of a crush on you.
- John Lennon: What, Linda's girl?
- Paul McCartney: Hey, she's my Heather too. I legally adopted her a long time ago.
- John Lennon: How old is she now?
- Paul McCartney: She's thirteen. Can you believe I've got a teenage daughter?
- Officer Francis: Kind of an interesting aroma lingering.
- John Lennon: Yah, yah, vat is that?
- Paul McCartney: Vat is that?
- John Lennon: Possibly eminating from your ass.
- Paul McCartney: From your horse. Yah, fine-looking, beautiful creatures.
- John Lennon: Tell me, are those genuine jackboots?
- Second Officer: Looks like we've landed one with a real attitude. You fellows wouldn't be indulging in any illegal substances now, would you?
- John Lennon: Oh, nein, nein.
- Paul McCartney: Just enjoying some good music, yah, yah.
- Paul McCartney: Luckily for us, they were pretty harmless, those two.
- John Lennon: Yeah right, just like the harmless cop who drove his harmless little car over me harmless mum. He was pretty harmless, wasn't he? They're all bastards.
- Paul McCartney: Come on, John, you're living in the past. One cop in Liverpool twenty years ago's got nothing to do with those two just now.
- John Lennon: Look, cops is cops, New York or Liverpool!
- Paul McCartney: You're just exploiting them as scapegoats for all your repressed and pent-up anger.
- John Lennon: Piss off.
- Paul McCartney: You know I'm right.
- Concierge: Good afternoon, sir. You have a visitor.
- John Lennon: Friend or foe?
- Concierge: I believe he is an old friend, sir. He says he wishes to surprise you.
- John Lennon: How do I know he is who he claims to be?
- Concierge: I'll vouch for him, sir. He is a familiar face.
- John Lennon: Check him for drugs and send him up.
- [John hangs up]
- Concierge: Take Mr. McCartney up to see Mr. Lennon.
- Elevator Attendant: It's an honor to meet you, sir.
- Paul McCartney: Oh, thank you.
- John Lennon: My old man died.
- Paul McCartney: What?
- John Lennon: Recently.
- Paul McCartney: Get away. I didn't hear.
- John Lennon: The bastard croaked on April Fool's Day.
- Paul McCartney: Woah. This is a bit spooky, isn't it? I mean, our mothers died pretty close together in time as well.
- Paul McCartney: Me dad died recently.
- John Lennon: God. What of?
- Paul McCartney: Bronchial pneumonia. They say his last words were, 'I'm coming to join you, Mary.'
- John Lennon: So you weren't there with him, then, when it happened?
- Paul McCartney: No, Linda and I were on tour with the band. Dad died on March 18, and we're opening in Copenhagen two days later.
- John Lennon: That's got to be rough, Paul. You and your dad were close.