Surf Sangrento

Hey folks, basically I think every comment I have read on this movie is absolutely correct! And to ME that means, accept that this is going to be really really horribly bad and get over yourself! Watch it when you are in the mood to just sneer at how stupid a movie can be. I for one get into some profoundly silly moods and a piece of crap like this really fits the bill.

Steer clear if you are a top-notch-only viewer or a genre purist. But if you can get a kick out of seeing exercises in futility, I think this one stands out! I would NEVER pay real money to see something like this in a theater though. Er...Not on purpose.

I have seen very few films as awful as this. It's not even a proper film, it's a woeful attempt at filmaking by people who obviously have no idea what they are doing. The way the giant crocodile is killed at the end is just beyond ridiculous, and filmed in the worst possible way. This film is terrible, and everybody who has seen it, everybody who worked on it, must realise it's terrible. Why was it even made?

If you have ever seen a porn movie you would have understood that it contains appalling acting, direction and storyline, only to provide a thin backdrop to the sex scenes - it's kind of sad really. But what is it when you have that same dead-brained quality for an entire film without even the sex scenes - this is a sad, sad thing.

Some films are bad, but within the badness they have something that fascinates or interests us - a different perspective or just sheer eccentricity. In a way they are good at being bad. This film is not good at being anything and is rare, not only in being moronic, but in actually making its audience feel embarrassed for the people who made it,

Imagine years of clawing and scratching your way to being a 'professional' actor or director, for this to be the result. When watching this film, all one can do is wonder (apart from as to whether Kate Fischer will actually show us her silicone work) as to the complete abscence of any sort of wit or intelligence on the screen.

They really should have donated half the money to some young film makers and made a porno-flick with the other half - clearly they would have been far better at this.

Sometimes I rest my head and think about the reasons why movies about killer sharks and/or crocodiles are still getting made these days. They've been making these lame "Jaws"-copies since the 70s, it's not like they're getting any more well-liked. The idea is still exactly the same. So we have an animal that starts murdering people. First it takes down some secondary characters, then it starts attacking the main characters, usually played by a couple of nobodies except for someone who used to be a bit more famous, who usually plays a specialist. One of the main characters usually dies before the others kill the animal somehow, usually with an explosion. Then, we usually get a last shot where we see that the animal is still alive, or has laid eggs, etc. etc. "Krocodylus" basically uses the same overused ideas, and does absolutely nothing to create even a tad bit of variation. Unless you count the fact that the "specialist" is a captain in this one variation, in that case your standards are pretty low. It's funny that he's played by Duncan Regehr though, he like totally used to be Zorro.Hell I'll give it a bonus point for that.

Hey, I've found it - The worst horror film of all time. Pretty much the funniest too! Lets face it, how many films are you ever going to see where two talentless (well, acting wise) actresses, flash their excessively well proportioned boobs at a killer crocodile ahead of the classic line "Hey, we'd better stop croc teasing!"

Still, what would you expect from the film's (supposedly fact-based) premise. A group of doco makers (included the two miss boobs) set out to film a group of blood-surfers who cut themselves deliberately in the water to attract sharks in an effort to jazz up proceedings. Unfortunately they find a 30 foot crocodile rather than a shark. In the ensuing 40 minutes or so the makers (and I use the term loosely) rip off JAWS, PLACID LAKE, ORCA, INDIANA JONES, and MONTY PYTHON!

The crocodile it must be said, is the ultimate in amateur fx. Rarely looking the same in two scenes, it occasionally appears to be the size of a Mack truck, at other times, no bigger than a normal croc. Frequently a cardboard cut-out in silhouette and with the realistic movement of a barbie doll! The deaths....which take on assembly-line proportions, out-do even DEEP BLUE SEA in the humor department! Just when you think your ribs can take no more laughing....it ENDS with the croc's hilarious self-demise.

This has set South African film-making back at least 50 years.