Python, a Cobra Assassina

Anaconda turned me off of snake movies, but I decided to see this one because Casper's in it. My last impression of the movie during the credits was, "ohh, it's a Kill The Celebrities Movie!" It was fun to see so many celebrities, Van Dien, Englund, Wheaton, Zabka, but only ONE of them survives! The snake's special effects weren't bad as long as it wasn't a close up. Actually, I wish that the special effects for Mummy II (The Scorpion King) had been done as well as this snake (there was a joke). The gore (acid eaten bodies) actually looked cool and I was happy there weren't any close ups of those. The gore from the snake's death was less than I expected because of the scene's setup. It wasn't very climactic. But hey, maybe that's what REALLY would have happened. The very end shows all of the survivors six months later. There was NO point to that. I'd have expected to see some "hint" at another movie, but no. It was just, look how happy every one is after this and they've achieved all their dreams. Warm and fuzzy, but it didn't propel the storyline. Good Saturday afternoon movie to relax to after you finish mowing the lawn.

I don't think I have ever seen a more stupid movie in all my life. Now I have to admit - I always - ALWAYS - go into a movie or video with my head and eyes open to everything. I don't look at the lighting or listen to the script or look for any kind a flaw in the making of any picture. But sometimes you just want to kill certain characters in this movie. Didn't you. I COULD NOT STAND THAT DEPUTY that kept on pointing the finger at the biker guy as the murderer of those people. This movie was just plain dumb and the ending was even more dumb. It was like they were all posing for pictures and talking at the same time. Acting 101 - this is what this cast seemed to have just finished before starting this film.

It is quite rare in this world to come upon a stroke of pure genius such as Python. Superb acting, a plot with more turns than a meter stick, and the special effects...Oh the special effects. Lets just say that George Lucas better watch out cuz the lead animator of Python Kevin Little is on his ass! So what if Johnny from Karate Kid is in it. So what if their plan to kill the snake was as half assed as they come( the guy took his harness off to put another one on!). Who cares if they out ran a snake that supposedly goes 50mph on bikes...which they made sure to put their helmets on before riding. And the ending...The ending was pure cinematic genius. I mean a bike shop/bar. Why haven't I come up with this idea. I could sell bikes and drink beer at the same time. That's unbelievable. And she's pregnant! Hooray! What is that about huh? Is she having mutant half snake half Johnny from karate kid babies? Why do we need to know this! And six months? It took that douche six months to get this ugly beast in the sack! I mean come on. If they are gonna be casting a female lead would you pick this chick! They had Jenny McCarthy in the movie for 2 minutes ( which were excruciating by the way) and they have this hose beast in the lead female role. What up wit dat! This was atrocious!

Stay Black,

Jamal the Love Mule

Ok, so this movie was a piece of trash. The snake, which only appeared two or three times in the whole movie, looked like the graphics from a Super Nintendo. And the writing sounded like it was written by people from Sesame Street. And let's not even talk about the random lesbian scene at the beginning of the movie, (I don't even know where to start with that one.) But COME ON!!!!! WIL WHEATON!!!!! How could you not like a movie that has Wil Wheaton in it. This purple hair really did something for me. I know I would like to buy a house from some punk kid with purple hair. And that death scene. That should have won an oscar! It isn't everyday that you see Wesley Crusher butted into a wall and then eaten by a giant venom spitting Python. This is just a fun movie to watch. Watch it with some friends. It is a hoot!

*SPOLIERS* Okay I saw this at the video store, and chuckled at it.

I read it and chuckled again. Horror? This is not a horror movie. This a comedy! It's so bad in some parts that its funny! Don't get me wrong, this movie wasn't HORRIBLE. It wasn't a very good horror movie though. Some things that are disappointing: The snake looks so fake. You can tell it's computer. The snake at the start seems to have trouble w/ the wooden wall, but breaks down walls and a steel door in one hit elsewhere The snake on Robert Englund's finger reamins stiff throughout and looks fake. Good things: Jenny McCarthy (The funniest sequence in the movie! That song!) Robert Englund Casper VanDiem (however the hell you spell it) Lesbian Sex

Other things about the movie: The movie wasn't scary. But it was funny as Hell! Like the ending! "I killed a giant python, and all I got was this lousey t-shirt" Again, not a good horror film but excellent comedy! Horror rating: 3/10 Comedy rating: 8/10 Overall, good movie to watch if your in for a good laugh at pathetic filmmaking.