Black Devil Doll from Hell

Shot-on-video horror movies are probably the only kind of movies that come close to the depressing look of video pornography. The sheer lack of production values leads the viewer to contemplate whether or not the money that he or she has in their wallet could have funded a better piece of cinema. That said, BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL is just about the shoddiest movie I've ever seen, and that's saying something! I've braved more bad movies than I can even remember, and this one ranks pretty much as one of the three all-time worst pieces of galloping horse crap that I have ever endured. Terrible pacing, an annoying casiotone sound track, execrable acting and a truly pointless story are just some of the many non-highlights.

The only reason to see this is for the unintentionally hilarious rape scene wherein a pious sister of the church is tied down to her bed and given a serious rodgering by an evil, horny ventriloquist's dummy with dreadlocks. The scene where he "orally pleasures" her will forever be burned into my memory, not only because if was silly beyond all human comprehension, but because his tongue looks like a popsicle stick. And, yes, we do get to see his, er...wood. Rent it, and fast forward to this scene. After seeing it, immediately remove the tape from your VCR and use it as a skeet shooting pigeon.

I used to always pass this box at the video store and, after over a year, I decided to rent it. I can't remember when I laughed so damned hard in my life! There are some legitimate comedies that haven't tickled me this much, definitely a "So-Bad-It's-Good" classic. The story concerns one Shirley Black (Shirley L. Jones), a deeply religious woman who stops at a thrift shop and buys a doll that looks a lot like Webster with French braids. The woman running the store tells Shirley that the doll was the property of an East Indian gentleman with strange powers (although the doll has a West Indian hairstyle, but, never mind) and that it always returns to the store under its own power. Hearing that should put anyone off of purchasing the doll, but not our intrepid and spiritual Shirley (so brave and righteous is she that she preaches to men trying to sell her stolen merchandise on the street). She buys it and even tells it "You'll be the only man to see me naked other than my husband" before taking a shower. She then has visions of being attacked by the doll.

Once again, anyone else would be getting rid of the doll at this point. But Shirley hangs on to it. The next day, it jumps out of a closet and knocks her unconscious. It then ties her to the bed and has its way with her before running back to the thrift shop. Shirley is then sent into a downward spiral of sexual degradation as she looks for the thrill that her "little woodenheaded b*****d" has given her with mere mortal men. Let's face it, once you've gotten it on with a doll that looks like a cross between "Lester" of Willie Tyler & Lester fame and Stevie Wonder on the HOTTER THAN JULY album cover, well, no flesh and blood piece will do (Meshach Taylor's line from MANNEQUIN comes to mind: "I would never interrupt you while you were getting a piece of wood."). Other people I know who have seen BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL have also had the same reaction: Utter hilarity! Especially at the Mr. T-sounding voice of the doll ("B----, b----, I said wake up, b----!").

If you're looking for a coherent, competent piece of cinema, you'll be disappointed by THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL. But if you're looking for something in the PLAN 9/ROBOT MONSTER ouevre, by all means, check THIS out. By the way, LOVE that cheesy organ music.

Unbelievable obscurity from the mid-80s revels in its pornographic and horror inspirations. A church-going lady saving herself for marriage goes shopping at a thrift store and picks up a Jamaican puppet believed to have evil powers. It then proceeds to rape the living bejeezus out of her and turns her into a horn dog, only human meat cannot satiate her newfound hunger for puppet penis. Absurd on every level with pacing that can block a magnum bullet, this has garnered a cult status for all the right reasons. Only a few freeze frame montages show any creativity and deliver the biggest belly laughs, unless you count the disco scene from 1984 with numerous extras shaking their booties to Casio music. Which is the film's other main asset: score. The opening credits droll for a full 6.5 minutes with an accompanying song you'd swear was performed and vocalized by Aaron Stielstra; the rest of the songs coming from a Casio keyboard demonstration (literally) and an unbearable one-note synth drone that sounds like your tape is broken. Remarkably, the puppetry is very competent and I couldn't spot any humans manipulating the Fat Albert-voiced doll. Many, many scenes of erotica and nudity from one of the most unattractive women to grace the screen. The thrift store owner's line reading is hilarious and deserves its own drinking game.

Chester Novell Turner's social commentary piece about the struggles faced by a young, average-looking, African-American woman and the troubles she encounters with her religious beliefs and the puppet she loves. Turner has a magic ability for character development; we learn that the female character is religious, not only through a 10-minute phone conversation, but also a 10-minute camera pan displaying all the religious artifacts (read: Sunday bulletin) hung from her wall.

The film sexy side places the female lead with an abusive, controlling puppet that simply does not care about the women who nurture and care for him. While some scenes may be difficult to watch, the end result clearly displays the destructive nature when a woman makes love to a puppet. Not since Jurassic Park has visual effects seemed so real - many scenes of the puppet actually look like a 6-year old kid! Truly amazing!

I wish the Academy had opened their eyes in 1985 and taken notice to this masterpiece! A great story, jaw-dropping visual effects and to top it off - a soundtrack that hasn't been heard since I accidentally pressed the `demo' key on my Casio keyboard. Find this video, it will make you rethink your social circles dominance.

The plot of "Black Devil Doll from Hell" is fairly simple:a foul-mouthed ventriloquist dummy terrorizes a defenseless religious zealot.Helen Black,a prim and deeply religious woman,buys a strange doll in a curio shop.The shop's owner tells her that the doll has been purchased four different times,and each time it has found its way back to the shop.Soon the Helen is thrown into a nightmare as the doll begins to terrorize her...Wow,this piece of blacksploitation sleaze is completely abysmal.The acting is horrible,the score is incredibly awful and there is no gore.The special effects are some of the worst I have ever seen.Still the lengthy sex scene between Helen and a doll is hilarious.That sequence,with the puppet(obviously controlled by a guy shaking it off-screen)humping this plump but ecstatic Bible-thumper had me laughing so hard I was crying.The action drags tremendously,with most scenes going on for way too long and others being totally unnecessary.Overall,a must-see for fans of trash cinema.