Guerreiros do Apocalipse

Director: Peter Maris Cast: Deborah Rennard, Gerry Dowhen, Daniel Radell

Adventure, Sci-Fi, Thriller. Throw in a bunch of explosions, more cool leather costumes than you can shake a stick at, some awesome Turkish desert locations and rad-tastic old cars outfitted for combat Mad Max style and you can see how this one hits all the right notes... so long as you look at it from the proper skewed, underdeveloped perspective. Its hilarious.

Land of Doom is dumb in every way a movie like this should be dumb, but it's pretty entertaining if you're in an undemanding mood and hankering for leather, explosions, flamethrowers and guys with metal arms and face plates. Deliciously low budget . I had fun with it. 6/10

Deborah Rennard and Garrick Dowhen make their way across a nuclear-war-devastated landscape as they search for a rumored paradise. There are rapists, cannibals and evil motorcyclists who wear black leather studded with shiny metal, as well as the odd Venetian mask for them to encounter. Why is it that leather-clad motorcyclists always survive, and there's plenty of gasoline?

It's shot amidst the weird, weathered, rocky deserts of Eastern Turkey, which certainly has the look of a devastated landscape. It's odd to think this was once prime farming land, fought over by conquerors for three thousand years... which is why it looks that way.

It's a pretty bad movie, but TCM added a bit of humor by noting that Miss Renard is a man, and Dowhen is a woman.

My review was written in August 1986 after watching the movie on Lightning video cassette.

"Land of Doom" is an uneventful U. S. imitation of the popular Aussie hit "The Road Warrior", second of the Mad Max adventures. Film was shot in 1984 and recently released (sans a theatrical run) on video cassette.

Set typically after a "final war", picture is one long trek by tough girl Harmony (Deborah Rennard) and idealistic Anderson (Garrick Dowhen) who is trying to get the nihilistic band of raiders to get serious and start rebuilding the world. Leader of the marauding raiders, Slater (Daniel Radell), has a grudge against Anderson and has his henchmen trying to kill him.

Though duo is vaguely searching for a fabled, faraway place where people already have banded together to recreate civilization, they accomplish nothing during this trek and are left a film's end with a bad case of sequelitis, ready to trek on.

Lacking special effects or any science fiction content, "Doom" is just an excuse to watch guys dressed up like "Mad Max" villains, riding around on motorcycles and souped-up vehicles. Absence of any nudity makes it of little interest to exploitation film fans. Stark locations are atmospheric, looking as if it were filmed in Turkey or some other exotic locale.

I'm a longtime fan of cheezy foreign knock-offs of THE ROAD WARRIOR and such. Often times that kind of exploitive, badly dubbed, low budget trash makes for high entertainment. Sadly, LAND OF DOOM brings no such entertainment. It's the future again, and it's post-apocalyptic. The world is ravaged by plague and evil bandits (sound familiar?). A woman named Harmony and her rugged hero partner (she won't let him touch her) try to escape from the Land of Doom to a fabled paradise. Some overlord villain type, who wears a lot of fake chromed armor and studded leather, tries to stop them. The best part of the whole movie is the opening shot of a dawn over a bleak looking landscape, accompanied by some appropriate music- Harmony's explanatory narration begins and it's all down hill from there. Some creatures that look suspiciously like the Jawas from STAR WARS appear and some things explode. LAND OF DOOM is oddly short on the over-customized junk cars that usually roam the post-apocalyptic wastelands of these pictures. Naturally, all the dialogue is awful as are the attempts at sexual tension between our two heroes. Plague victims sport painted on sores and behave like zombies. Much more frightening is the ineptness of the production and the performances. The ending is left wide open for a sequel that never came. Over the end credits runs a horrid tune called "Harmony's Land of Doom" which tries to sound like a modern pop song, but is just as dull and low key as the movie. In short: skip it and rent 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS instead.

Land of Doom definitely has one of the better titles going for it in recent cinematic history, but that's about all it can muster.

Take your normal plot. Let's use some symbolism, and have it be a puppy. During the movie, you watch the puppy grow. There are exciting parts, like when the puppy chases some squirrels around, or sad parts, where the puppy whizzes on your favorite Duran Duran album. By the end of the movie, the puppy has become an adult dog, hopefully soon to spawn other puppies, AKA sequels.

Land of Doom, unlike a normally aging dog, is basically a set of drunk dogs, wandering aimlessly, bumping into walls, and not only whizzing on your Duran Duran albums, but also the Mona Lisa and all vestiges of modern civilization. By the end, instead of a healthy, happy dog whom you love, you're stuck with a brain dead puppy who is busy chewing off its own tail. Pathetic, yes. But that's Land of Doom.

Don't see this movie. Seriously, it just wants your soul. I mean, it doesn't even actually end. You know how a movie reaches the point where you know the big climatic fight is about to begin? In Land of Doom, that moment arrives, the heroes run away, roll credits. Thanks, movie!

Slight redeeming factor: Jawas. There are Jawas in this film. Also, the end theme is so the exact opposite of a titular song for this movie that it has to be heard to be believed.

Rating 1/10 - My eyes! My poor eyes!