The Astrologer

Do you know that feeling when you already sat halfway through a certain movie, and then you suddenly realize you still don't have the slightest clue what it's about or where the plot is heading towards to? I have, and it's usually very frustrating, but for some inexplicable reason, it wasn't too frustrating during "The Astrologer".

This obscure and low-budgeted mid-70s oddity manages to be terribly bad and incomprehensible, and yet strangely compelling all at once! The common sense functions of my brain wanted to stop watching, or at least push the fast-forward button, at several points throughout the movie, but I just couldn't. From what I gather, both a self-acclaimed scientific genius and an evil Indian hypnotist are looking for a girl who shares her exact same time of birth with that of the Virgin Mary, because she's able to conceive the Second Coming. Or something... The scientist found her, and it's the lovely looking Monica Tidwell. He even married the girl but refuses to have sex with her, because immaculate conception needs to take place. Or something...

You should probably look for an accurate plot description elsewhere or try to decipher source novel by John Cameron (not James...). All I can say is that "The Astrologer" is worth seeing for fans of 70s cult/trash, if only for the gratuitous nude sequences of Tidwell (the poor girl even must undress for a fortune telling) and a few random but gory kills. It's also the debut of James Glickenhaus, who would later direct a couple of modest cult horror/action hits like "The Exterminator", "The Soldier" and "McBain".

I saw this film at my local videostore. The box looked awsome, it had an obscure title, and I'd never heard of it before, so naturally I rented it! Well, it's true when they say don't judge a movie by the cover! This film, directed by James Glickenhaus of 'Slaughter of the Innocence' fame, is a muddled, slow, and hard to catogorize film about a super-intelligent astrologer named "Alexi" who is on the verge of a scientific breakthrough. He thinks he has found a way to merge astrology and advanced computers into a sophisticated science to benefit mankind. How a subplot about a strange cult leader with hypnotic powers who has something to do with the "Second Coming" fits into this plot is beyond any casual viewer!

As you probally can tell the plot is strange to say the least but it is VERY intriguing. If you find this film, rent it just to have your mind baffled for 82 minutes!

Astrologist Alexei Abarnel (Bob Byrd) is the head of the InterZod institute which uses an array of telescopes and computers to take in information of the skys and apply it to individuals and measure the Zodiatic Potential (or ZP) of specific individuals to measure they propensity for good and evil. As Alexei analyzes information that can hopefully lead him to the Second coming, the intstitute also notes a violent cult leader in India named Kajerste (Mark Buntzman) who might be the anti-christ.

The Astrologer (later released as The Suicide Cult) is the first film made by noted producer/director James Glickenhaus who'd later be better known for his action films such as Exterminator and The Soldier as well as producing or distributing various cult b-films like Maniac Cop or Frankenhooker. Using $20,000 he inherited, Glickenhaus acquired the rights to his father in law John Cameron's novel The Astrologer. After failing to find a distributor, Glickenhaus eventually traveled around the Southern United States and showcased the film at various drive-ins over a period of nine months with not much success. Glickenhaus has gone on to acknowledge the film was not very good and said it played a factor in his focus towards more action oriented material like The Exterminator which he'd deliberately designed to have more action and less dialogue than The Astrologer. Glickenhaus would eventually sell the film to 21st Century Film Corporation who'd re-edit and re-title it as The Suicide Cult hoping to capitalize on the then recent Jonestown tragedy, but whether this was successful or not I can't say. Whether you call it The Astrologer or The Suicide Cult, the movie's a very silly and often roughly produced exercise for a first time director.

From a rambling opening narration that clumsily establishes InterZod, Alexei Abarnel, and the context of searching for the Second Coming, the movie feels very flabby and directionless with no real story or plot going on and instead just a directionless series of events that happen. There's many scenes of Alexei in board meetings or viewing film footage in a darkened board room and the focus of the film in the first half hour bounces around different times and locations with the grace of a needle skipping on a record. I guess there's some unintentional hilarity to be had from the fact the movie is taking its whole astrology focus so seriously even trying to tie it in with political machinations of Washington D. C., but there's so little actual conflict in this film that until the last 15 minutes it never feels like anything is actually at stake and even then not really and capped off with a moment of unintentional humor.

This is prime bad movie fodder and if it weren't for the ample supply of nudity it would've appeared on MST3K a long time ago. For bad movie fans, this will be a treat.

Also released as SUICIDE CLUB.

Alexei, wealthy astrologer and leader of a secret intelligence agency called Interzod, listens to radio signals from the Crab Nebula and is obsessed with a demonic Indian revolutionary, Kajerste (played with Pan-like creepiness by producer Mark Buntzman).

The Interzod board of directors sit around watching films of mutilated victims whose deaths they "arranged." One of their female agents gets close to Kajerste, only to be murdered during a ritual sex ceremony. Next, a congressman and Alexei's "gal Friday" sneak into Kajerste's jungle camp, intending to sedate him, plant electrodes in his head, and somehow control his actions via TV; the plan goes to hell and they die.

We learn that Kajerste, product of a virgin birth, is also manipulated by unnamed evil forces. A subplot involves Alexei's ditzy wife, who is apparently the reincarnation of the Blessed Mother.

Apart from an unusual scene in which a woman is hypnotized to stab herself to death, this movie is confusing and talky. Director Glickenhaus went on to make his second film, THE EXTERMINATOR (1981), which was a hit. He has a cameo role as a spy who drives a sports car.

There is a covert government agency called INTERZOD which documents "atrological potential", and tracks individuals whom they deem "astrologically privileged". The head of this agency is married to a wispy little thing who can't understand why her husband won't make love to her. Meanwhile, a man in India is being closely watched by INTERZOD, as his "astrological disadvantage" may be strong enough to consider him a potential Antichrist-type being.

It took me five years to get through my ancient VHS copy of this film, with each viewing putting me about ten minutes further into the story than my previous attempt...truly, this is one BORING little movie...that is, until you've passed the halfway-mark. My determination to finally watch this from beginning to end actually paid off...the second half puts the pieces of the puzzle together(if a tad clumsily), and renders the entire project redeemed of its terminally dull intro. It's not an especially GOOD film, but it has interesting foundations, and is surprisingly professional in its microbudget formulation. I neither wholeheartedly recommend nor dissuade viewing SUICIDE CULT, but you might opt to give yourself a five-year-plan to watch it should it fall into your hands.

5.5/10